CK
I got home from work today and on the kitchen bench was a cute paper carry bag.

I looked inside and saw it was Hobo's ashes. My husband had finally collected them.

I just felt empty and sad. Our beautiful and clever and cheeky dog reduced to ashes in a wooden box. My little boy was shocked and I could see him holding back tears and so was I.

We went out tonight and when we got home I expected Hobo to run down the hall but he didn't. I wanted to weep. Now everyone is in bed asleep I read my other posts here about my Hobo and cried and sobbed.

I miss him so much. He was so much fun he brightened up our lives - and made them harder too ha ha! He would do so many naughty things but he was just single minded and a little devious about getting and doing what he wanted. Bless him we wouldn't have wanted him to be any other way! A free spirited little guy.

He always loved life but I can see now looking back that the last few weeks and maybe 3 months he wasn't himself. He wasn't as active as he used to be and he didn't want to be patted much. I was hurt he didn't want to be petted but now I think he was feeling sore and sick. I wish I'd know sooner I could've helped him. Maybe he was wise and preparing me that we wouldn't be together much longer. I don't know.

On the Friday after I took him to the vet we gave him a shower with my son. He loved being dried. Then he lay next to the heater with me with his head on my lap.

I had to get up to get tea on or do something and he looked at me with the saddest face I've ever seen him have. Ever. It breaks my heart. I wish I'd stayed there in front of that heater all night every night with him.

He had his nightly treat that night and he loved it and begged for it just like always. The night before he'd scrounged through the bin for chicken scraps! He didn't even look guilty when I found the mess. Just defiant. Like 'yes I did it and I don't care cause I wanted that chicken'!

On his last night at home, the Friday night, he slept on our bed and he went to the vet late that night and couldn't come home again because he needed to be in an oxygen tent.

On that day I had left work early because I was worried about him. He came out of his kennel and wagged his tail then went to the toilet. Then he looked down the back yard, sniffed the air as if he was savouring it. He turned to come inside and he was unsteady on his little feet. I think I knew then and maybe he did too but we both didn't want to acknowledge it.

At the vet early that evening he barked his little head off at another dog just like he always did. I though he was going to be okay. That it was a chest infection or something.

But by midnight that Friday night he couldn't breathe properly and I saw his gums weren't as pink as they'd been at the vet so I took him to the emergency vet.

When we drove there I told him he'd be ok and I'd get him some medicine and being him home. I patted him the whole time. All the way. He sat up in the car next to me but he was too sick to get excited and jump around whimpering like he usually did in the car. I should have known then.

He wasn't excited at the vet this time. He was probably so tired and sick. He got whisked away very quickly and went straight to the oxygen tent.

Then I waited for his X-ray and an ultrasound. The news was bad. I sobbed and sobbed and knew what would happen the next day.

I got him about 3.30am and cried myself to sleep. We couldn't even bring him home to die he was that sick with the cancer that had riddled his strong little body.

The vet nurse we saw on the Friday night told me off for letting him get so fat. I hate that nurse now. I am glad he was over weight because he loved to eat. Food was one of his passions and I'm glad we never deprived him and put him on a diet.

When we said goodbye we took bacon and I tore little pieces for him because he couldn't eat big pieces. He loved it.

I told him I loved him and thanked him for being in our family and that it was ok for him to go. And I kissed and hugged him a hundred times.

When he got the needle I was holding him. He collapsed straight away. I kissed him and held him as he went.

It was awful. But I do feel glad he had is there with him. That we got to say goodbye. That we ended his pain. I just hope he understands.

I haven't had anymore dreams about him other than a hazy nightmare.

We will set up a shelf with his ashes and photos and favourite things. I'll never forget him.

Sorry to write this long post I just wanted to express my love for him and sadness at his passing.

He was so so loyal and loving to our family. An absolute joy. He loved us and all people really. And kids. He adored kids. My son is so so lucky to have had him as his dog.
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gizmomybaby
Hi ck thinking of you all today x its realy hard to get through all this . Am at the 7 weeks too and am still realy struggling with the grief and shock . Sending love & huggs to you . Beautiful wee pic of your baby hobo xx annemarie
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CK1991
Hi CK,
Cancer is such a horrible disease. It had to be so painful to watch your Hobo become more weak and to finally have to let him go. So brave for you to be there holding him. It must have given him a lot of peace and comfort to be in his mom's arms! It's so terrible then having to live without our pets. Life just isn't the same. I'm sorry you had to find Hobo's ashes the way that you did and I feel so sorry that you are going through this dreadful pain of losing your beloved boy. I want to express my heartfelt condolences on your terrible loss and to let you know that it will get easier as time goes by even though you will always hold him close to your heart. Hugs to you!
CK1991
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Marie123
It's been almost 6 months since I said goodbye to Raven and the whole thing still haunts me. I look at her urn and think "That's not really her." But it's all I've got now. It's been a hard summer for a lot of us. My morning anxiety is worse than ever. I know what you mean. There's days you think you're going out of your mind. My prayers are with you! 😿
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Jackz
I am so sorry for your loss. We got our boy Sherman's ashes back this week and I can't believe he is in that little wooden box. His last day haunts me, it is all so surreal. Take comfort that your dog is no longer in any pain and is happy up there, running around and playing.

Jack
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LisaAndy
It's sad the way it all unfolded. He went to very fast from a healthy boy to so very ill. Much too quickly. I am so sorry for you. I know I cry to when I reread my old posts and Andy's page I made. It brings it all back. Lately I've been feeling a little better, like the acceptance stage maybe. I am afraid I'm going to forget the way he felt. But I can still feel his soft little body. I hate the way we go over every single health thing that happened. Andy always ran out the doggie door when I yelled "squirrel" About a month or so before I really know he was sick, he stopped doing it. I think already he had pain running and getting off the couch but I didn't know why he didn't want to chase the squirrels. That was his only symptom in hind sight. Also there was one other small change, but I didn't know why. Uck! Why do our beloved pets have to get sick like this? Makes me so sad and angry.
It must be hard to look at the ashes. I opted not to get Andy's back. I saw my father's urn and I found it so so upsetting. They told me the crematory would spread them around on their grounds. I don't know if that is true or not. I don't know I made the decision so fast, I wasn't really sure.
I hope you can think of him with happiness and try to forget the end.

Lisa
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WasADogInAFormerLife
We need to elevate cancer in animals as a national issue, get donations for more research, more attention to this issue. My vet told me it appears to be getting worse, he is seeing cancer more frequently and in younger dogs. They are/all living organisms act as what are called "sinks" for toxins. We are "sinks" too but the toxins build up faster in dogs. Our environment is contaminated with chemicals. Just contaminated--and their deaths are the result of it. It's not fair to them. We have to clean up our environment.
VM
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Bellarosa
Be strong only his fu body us gone he is with you
Jan
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