Gmr
It's been 3 weeks since I had to put my baby Peanut down. I honestly don't know how it's 3 weeks already. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of living right now. As I sat at the dinner table at Thanksgiving I just felt so sad and had to force myself to eat. Nothing tastes good to me right now. Shortly after I just broke down in tears . As I tried to shop a bit with my daughter today I felt a heaviness as I walked. Everything takes so much effort to do. Everywhere I looked I saw toys as well as Xmas sweaters for her. I'm so tired and now in disbelief that she's gone. I've been diagnosed with depression years ago which I'm on meds for and this loss is like a kick in the gut. Peanut was so helpful with my depression and I never knew how much she helped me with that until now that she's gone. She lost some of her hearing at the end and now I keep wondering if she could hear me when I was telling her I was there with her and that I loved her while they gave her the sedative. She was asleep so fast. I know she can't come back but sometimes I feel like I want to ask God to give me one more day with her. My heart longs for her to be lying next to me on the couch or in bed so much. I hate this. It's so hard to function. I hold her sweater ..I talk to her...I ask myself did she know just how deeply I love her? Everywhere I look is a memory but I just can't focus on those good memories right now. I can't focus on tv ..to much noise bothers me all since this happened. I just don't feel complete right now. I recently retired..live alone and had the excitement of moving and starting another chapter in my life. Now this happened. I try to think of the positives that my baby is not suffering but it just doesn't make me feel any better right now. I love you Peanut. Mommy misses you so much. How will I ever get through this? Hugs and kisses to my baby..my buddy..my best friend.
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SharonsPie
Dear Gmr,
I'm sorry for what you're going through. It must be so hard. I know how you feel. Try to hang in there.
Sharon
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Gmr
I will try my best SharonsPie. I'm thankful for this forum and understanding people like you.
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SharonsPie
I'm retired too and suffer from depression also. I'm trying to get out to a gym class just to see people. Im trying to find part time work. I want to get a new dog. Maybe you would benefit from a pet loss grief counsellor. I think there are some links on this site. Or can you find a local support group? Can you volunteer at an animal shelter. I know it's hard to get motivated. My apartment is a mess, I haven't changed my clothes in awhile. I'm neglecting myself.
I don't think my dog would want me to suffer. We are in mourning. Our life partner has died.
Well, I hope you can find some peace.
Sharon
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