Tatiana
My pain is unbearable.  My pomeranian, Suki, was a trained PTSD service dog and also my best friend. We were so attached to each other and she went EVERYWHERE with me.  My husband and I got home and Suki was in the back seat of the car.  My neighbor came up and needed help so I did and I assumed that my husband got her out of the car BUT, he assumed I had...so you know where this is going...she died in the hot car.  I cannot forgive myself for what I have done.  People tell me it was an accident, Tati, but I still "accidentally" killed her.  I screamed and fell to the ground scraping my knees and pounding my fists until they bled.  I then laid in bed crying for a week, not eating a thing.  It has been 3 months and this is the first time I have even spoken about it.  I can't look at a picture of her and every time I get into my car, I cry.  Every night I get into bed, I cry.  I am crying while I write this.  I am crushed, sickened and completely traumatized.  My husband went out and bought me another puppy (LeeLoo) thinking it would fill the void in my heart, and I want to give her the same love but I am still struggling with my loss AND I have major anxiety that something bad will happen to her.  I feel like I do not deserve to have any love.  How could such a sweet creature love someone who can't keep them safe and make such a stupid mistake?  How do I forgive myself?  
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P_Mom
Dear Tatiana, I'm so deeply sorry for your loss of Suki and what you've experienced. This is excruciating for you but it was not your intention - you'd never wish for this to happen. It is a tragic accident. You thought your husband had her as you were distracted to help your neighbor. While it doesn't make the pain any easier, you cannot blame yourself or say you do not deserve love. This happens to people with their own children. It's never something that's intentional. You deserve love and LeeLoo deserves love and that's exactly what Suki wants for you both as you know dogs are all about the love. ❤️ 

Most everyone on here has done something or not done something we wish we would have for our babies, myself included. We are human and get caught up in life. I was so distracted with moving into a new home that I missed signs and symptoms my boy was dying of kidney disease right before my ignorant eyes - the pain and guilt have been unbearable.  

Losing our companions is always traumatic - your experience a higher degree with what you're coping with and the anxiety. Since your beloved Suki was trained with the honorable skill to help those suffering from PTSD, can you use some of what she learned to help you? Maybe she had this skill to help you when you need it most. ❤ 

Try to take one day at a time. Sending much love, comfort, and peace your way. XO
Jennifer
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Tatiana
Thank you for your kind words, Jennifer.  I truly understand the unbearable guilt feelings you mentioned and the pain is indeed intense...our dogs are our children and my heart goes out to you.  The fact remains that I did not protect Suki.  I was negligent and it cost me dearly.  I was abandoned as a child and neglected the love and attention I needed growing up.  As an older adult now and years of therapy I have worked to overcome the emptiness I felt inside and then to do the very thing to my sweet dog that others did to me has just flooded me with past emotional pains that I cannot even begin to describe.  But you are right to take it one day at a time, moment by moment and I only hope that Suki will forgive me and that I can forgive myself someday.
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Heavenisreal
Oh dear you did not do it purposefully!!! Please realize it.  We all have guilt and regrets about things we have done or should have done differently.   Please understand that it was a freak accident.   You did not mean it.  
I know it is easier said than done.  I feel that if I made wiser choices my boy would be with me today.  Should have brought him to a different hospital,  to a different doctor,  insisted on CT scan or an MRI, should have fought for him to the end.....
The list goes on and on and on....
It is obvious that you love her and we understand the torment you're feeling.  I just hope that rather sooner not later you forgive yourself.  Your intentions were always good.  
(((Hugs))) Violetta
Violetta Andruszkiewicz 
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twodogmom

Tatiana,

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your beloved Suki. My heart went out to you when I read your post. It is hard enough to lose a fur child under the best conditions, but to feel you are at fault must be absolutely excruciating. I know you are in a lot of pain.

Without going into detail, I'll tell you that as a youngster, my negligence led to the death of a pet. It haunted me for decades. After a long time, I was able to forgive myself, as I had asked the pet and God to forgive me for many years. I'm sure it was easier for them to forgive me than it was for me to forgive myself. All that time, I think I held myself to a higher than human standard, whereas I could have more easily forgiven someone else if they had been responsible.

I'm sure that Suki does not hold you responsible in any way, and as Jennifer said, dogs are all about love. I am sure that LeeLoo already loves you and will grow to trust you more and more over time. You deserve her love and trust, and at some point you will see that for yourself.

In the meantime, be good to yourself and look for the good things happening in your life. This one event does not define Suki's life with you. I hope that the love and good times the two of you shared will soon overshadow this one event that has tortured you so much.

Jan



 

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karenorkibi
Hey, we are in the same boat, we had an awful tragic accident 2 days ago, I can't comprehend it, my dear Jess I'm broken
karen orkibi
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Tatiana
karenorkibi wrote:
Hey, we are in the same boat, we had an awful tragic accident 2 days ago, I can't comprehend it, my dear Jess I'm broken


My heart (what little is beating right now) goes out to you.  I understand completely when you say, "I'm broken".  The pain is unbearable.  The heart is broken but it still keeps beating none the less.  This gaping hole in my heart leaves me empty inside and unworthy of love.  I cried a solid 2 weeks in bed and still cry every night and every time I think about her...like right now.  I couldn't even talk about what I had done until now; 3 months later.  When my mother passed away tragically the pain was so deep and it took me 10 years before I could talk about her or look at a picture.  I numbed myself and avoided the feelings.  Huge mistake.  So when Suki died I let the flood of emotions flow, all of them, and I am just wondering when the intensity will slow down, ya know?  I feel like I am going to explode!  
Like my mother, Suki and I were inseparable and when she looked into my eyes it was pure, unconditional love.  I can't talk about her anymore right now, again I cannot stop crying.  
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Roe
I am so sorry to hear about your loss.  You have to forgive yourself.  You sound like you were a good loving fur-mom and your fur angel knew this.  Don’t make yourself sound malicious because you are not.  I hope with time your feelings will become more manageable.  We all need time during our difficult loss.  This was an accident and accidents happen.  Please forgive yourself and feel better.
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Jason442
You're an irresponsible pos and do not deserve a dog. I do not feel sorry for you in anyway I do for that poor dog. No excuse, and these people confiding in you should be ashamed. This is what is wrong with this world. Forgetting your dog in a hot car is not a freak accident! You should be banned from owning ANY animals!
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Roe
Jason 442. Your words are very harsh and not nice.  It is upsetting enough for someone to deal with such a tragedy.  This is not a good time for someone to hear them.  As you, myself and all others on this site, we have genuinely loved our fur-angels unconditionally with much joy. Let’s hold on to these memories .  
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P_Mom
I'm replying as I'm on this thread; I'm not ashamed as I know for certain I'm not perfect and anything can happen in an instant. We all make mistakes in life, some are more tragic than others. Our hearts first go to dogs and mine did too, but as a fellow human, I can understand how this miscommunication quickly led to this tragedy. I try not to judge in an unintentional situation as I know I'm not perfect. There are many things I wish I did better for my own pup. You have a right to your feelings, but this forum is for people seeking help. We are all hurting here for one reason or another. 
Jennifer
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