Tomorrow will mark two weeks since I lost my dog Joey and I'm still really struggling to come to terms with that. There are times when it doesn't feel real and that is immediately followed by the overwhelming recognition that, of course, it is, and then I am left with the emptiness and the sadness that is as strong as the moment he passed. I find myself constantly stuck in that cycle and it's very hard. I want to share the happy memories I have of Joey and his story, because I don't want his entire life to be defined by the memories of his death, which is what I am afraid will happen. 

I was barely 18 years old when I adopted Joey. He was a tiny Chihuahua pup that I found from a newspaper ad back in 2006. As a little guy, Joey used to love dive bombing into his bed like a little fox. It's tough to explain in words, but he would jump up into the air and dive down into his bed over and over again. The night of my high school graduation, I remember coming home to find that he had not only enjoyed an evening of that, but also taken up the hobby of eating his bed. We got him a new one, but kept the old one out of sentimentality. 

Joey moved with me to my first apartment. There, we opened our home to three cats: Sadie, Casey, and Ali. Over the years as Joey and the cats grew up together, Joey pretty much became a cat. He would lay down next to them and they would clean his face. They slept in each other's beds and ate beside each other. They were all live long friends. 

Joey stayed with me through college graduation, the break-up of a long-term boyfriend, my first house, and a second long-term relationship. He was with me as I entered law school and sat beside me day after day as I studied. He spent 14 years with me, and had so many quirks and funny habits. 

His best friend in the world (beside me and the cats) was his stuffed monkey. Monkey, on more than one occasion, lost his head, his stuffing, and most of his body parts. We would sew him up the best we could but when that finally stopped working, we were able to replace him with an identical one from the manufacturer. Monkey now sits beside Joey's ashes. 

In late September, Joey was diagnosed with CHF. At first, the vet told us it was manageable and they expected Joey would live several more years. We spent every weekend at the ER vet after that as he continued to decline. Part of me is extremely angry that I was given false hope. I still don't understand how everything declined so rapidly. They told us on October 14th that it was time to say goodbye. We took him home and spent the next week together. He died in my arms October 21st. 

I don't know if I did the right thing. I worry every single day that I made him suffer because I couldn't let him go on the 14th. But I truthfully don't believe he was in pain. If he was, he never showed it. We spent that week together so that I could try to find a way to say goodbye. The truth was, though, I was never going to be able to do it, and I think he knew that, so he had to let go. 

My entire adult life has been spent with him, and I'm really struggling without him now. I miss him every second. And I will love him forever. Thank you for letting me share his story, and vent.
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I'm so sorry for your loss.  I lost my precious Logan on October 29, 2019 and I'm heartbroken.  I hope we both can find peace.  Please know you are not alone.

Joey is sooo cute and just so precious.
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Thank you, Cory. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope we can both find peace as well. 
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I am very sorry for your loss of your sweet, adorable Joey. It's normal to wonder if we did the right thing. But clearly you loved Joey very much and would never hurt him. I am sure you gave him a wonderful last week with lots of love and attention and anything else he wanted. When he let go, he was home, in your arms feeling loved. I think you made the right decision to bring him home.

My condolences,
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  So sorry to hear about your beloved Joey. He was so very fortunate to have had such a loving, doting Mom like you. Everyone in this Forum is going through the exact same thing and feels your intense pain. I hope that you will frequent this Forum on regular basis as you begin your grieving journey.  You will have a lot of support here and hopefully take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. 

Jim Miller
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So sorry to you. It is very hard to lose them.

My dog would have been 18. She passed away 8 weeks ago. I still miss her and feel exactly the way you do. It is very hard going on without her. She was the love of my life. Everything revolved around her and she brought so much happiness to me every day.
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Sarah - Joeys_Mom,

I am very sorry for your loss of Joey.  What a sweetheart, he is precious.  The "dive-bombing into his bed", made me smile/giggle - I could just picture him doing this.
So many precious moments and cherished memories.  I always say that the "best pictures are those taken with our hearts",  because they never fade, they stay vivid in our hearts forever.  Joey has/is/will be an important part of your life forever.  I could "read" how much you love Joey.  Joey is now safe forever in your heart.  
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Thank you everyone, for your kind words and support. I'm grateful for this community, and am so terribly sorry that any of us need it.
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I'm so sorry. So so sorry. I know the love of a Chihuahua, too, and I know the emptiness of the loss. My Barney died in an accident 2 weeks ago, on October 18. He was 11 years old. He's been with me through so much, too, licking and digging and laughing and teasing and bullying inanimate objects the whole way. I feel lost without him, and yet I also still can't believe it's real. How could this be? How? I can't believe it. it is. 
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I'm Sorry Sarah for your loss.  Joey looks like he was an adorable friend and family member.  Looking at his pictures reminds me of my little Parker. He was a Chihuahua mix (but he was more Chihuahua).  Was.  I hate that word.  Joey wasn't that old for this kind of breed. One day they are here, and the next day they are unexpectedly gone.  So unfair.  I planned on having my little guys until they were at least 16, I figured that was a fair age, but Parker's life at a little over 6, was taken too soon last Christmas Eve.  I dread the approaching holidays.  Parker was the life and spirit here. It's quiet now, even with his 2 brothers. It's not the same.  I miss my little guy.

Our pets are stoic. They try not to show pain. Joey would not want you to see him in pain. He wanted to be strong for you. He didn't want to make you worry or sad.  Our lives change so much without them. I am still grieving after all this time. I have my share of guilt. 

I'm glad you are able to look at his pictures so you can keep his image in your mind.  I am still unable to view pics for more than a glance and I don't look at videos yet. He's still in a box in a bag in a cabinet which I have not opened once.  I'm not ready. I live in denial. 

I hope you can heal fast and enjoy your memories for a lifetime.  I hope mine don't fade by the time I get the courage.  

Keep coming back to this forum. There are a lot of nice people here to comfort you.

Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little Joey.

~ Parker's Mom

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Oh sweetheart i am so sorry for your know the love for him was what made it so hard. I lost my.little man...i found this site and its amazing how much just writing my vaggio a letter everyday helps me....i miss him so much but i feel like i can heal now. I know it may sound silly to alot of people but it does help....i really hope you know everyone here knows how you feel. Take care....cuz your little pup would want u to be happy again soon....keep writing.... gina
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