I said goodbye to my sweet kitty Alex Sept. 2nd.  He's gone and nothing can bring him back. But I'm the one responsible for his death.  Grieving over his death is hard enough. Knowing I didn't do enough is haunting me.  Alex was so young, maybe 3 yrs old.  I held him as his passed over the bridge.  I told him how much I loved him.  But I didn't do enough to save him. 

Complications from urinary blockage brought Alex to a place where he was in extreme pain with electrolytes so bad that he might not survive surgery and urine was already leaking into his abdomen.

He was in the vet at the start of August because he was straining to pee.  
I knew the signs, I had two other fur-kids with FLUTD.  One, Mario, lost a fight with cancer in July 2005.  :'(  The other, Caitlin, was about 15 yrs old when I said goodbye to her June 13, 2014.  Caitlin's quality of life just wasn't there anymore.  :'(  She had very bad arthritis despite Adequin and Cosequen treatment.  She was loosing her ability to clean herself and control her bladder.  

Back to Alex.  He didn't want to eat the Rx wet food. I should've just put all our fur-kids on the dry to save Alex ... but I didn't.  I set up drinking fountains and was giving him cranberry urinary supplements for cats that seemed to help ... but not enough.  He made some progress and then I saw that he was still straining to pee, straining every time wandering from litter box to litter box -- some pee dribbles. I took him to the ER.  He started to eat the Rx wet in their office!! I had hope. He wasn't blocked completely so they sent me home with several meds and more Rx wet food.  It wasn't soon enough ... He completely blocked and was back at the ER vet a few days later and gone 48 hours later. 

I'm sorry for such a long post.  If nothing else, maybe someone else won't make my mistake.  Save your cat-kid's life - don't ignore the signs. Don't think it will get better if you wait just a little longer. 

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So sorry for you loss.  There is no way to escape the guilt. We are responsible for every aspect of their lives and feel we should control their death too.  Given how young it seems he had chronic/terminal condition. Believe me watching your cat suffer for years is not healthy for anyone.  My 12 year old out of the blue started to growl and bite/lick her tummy/butt and would whine like she was in pain for up to half hour. It would be daily to every few days.  The rest of the day she would be normal (eat, drink, play), though towards the end she looked uncomfortable all the time.  The treatments i believe just kept her boderline miserable and they wouldn't let me put her down. (i wish I could have better advocated for her, but stupidly listened to the "specialist" ...specialst my ass) It was the worst experience of my life watching her in pain and having money and time and still nothing could be done. They finally let me say goodbye once she developed diabetes, I will never forgive them or myself.  I know your time was short, but so was his suffering.
Be kind to yourself, don't try to too much.
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You did so much, you were a great friend to was his time to go. If it wasn't he wouldn't be gone. That is what I have to tell myself, too. We can't let the guilt and 

"What ifs" ruin our lives...we are still here and they would want us to be happy. Peace is what they have now and we can grow to make the choice to have peace within ourselves too.

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