nat
My earliest memory is when I was 5 years old and my parents came to my uncle's house where I was and handled me a puppy. I remember I kept asking everyone that was there that day if he was really my dog. I had been begging my mother for a dog for months now since I am an only child and wanted a companion to grow up with. I named him Clifford since I was obsessed with Clifford the big red dog. 
Clifford and I were inseparable, he would be everywhere I was, If I was anywhere in the house he would be right beside me. We would sleep together until the very last day. He knew when I was sad, and had I way of never making me feel alone. 
17 years passed by and I am now 22 and before I knew he got old. Clifford was never really sick, he was always healthy and had the energy of a puppy. 
For some months, Clifford had a weird cough and sometimes struggled to breath. When we took him to the vet, the vet always said it was nothing serious and gave him medication. Out of no where Clifford lost a lot of weight drastically and we again took to the vet. This time the vet looked at me right in my eyes and told him "I don't want to tell you this is the end but we just don't know if a dog his age will come back from this". That day I cried all the way home, hugging Clifford begging him not to leave me soon because I wasn't ready for him to leave. The months after that visit, I tried to "prepare" myself for his passing, I would think and wonder how he was going to die, I tried to picture my life without him but I just couldn't. 
The day Clifford died, his cough got a lot worse and i came home after running some errands and notice he wasn't the same. He was having difficultly breathing, It was uncomfortable for him to lay down. He would not stop staring at me. I called a hospital and told them what was going on and they told me to bring him in If he got worse. He was getting worse before my eyes. My mom was in denial and my dad really wasn't sure if he wanted to take him to the hospital. Around 11pm, Clifford had lost all his strength and couldn't even walk, that's when my dad finally said we had to take him. I cried the entire time on our way to the hospital because every cell in my body knew these were our last moments together. 
We got to the hospital and they took him in right away. They then took up to a room and explained he was having severe heart failure, his lungs were filled with water and his heart beat was very low and that he wasn't going to make it. They told us that it was best to put him to sleep so he wouldn't suffer because if we decided to take him home he was going to have a painful death. 
We decided to put him to sleep, our final goodbye was one of the hardest things I have gone threw and the moment I saw him leave me, broke me in ways I cannot describe. It was so clear when he died and I am pretty sure everyone in the hospital heard my cries and screams, I couldn't control myself. I couldn't believe it, for the first time I stared into his eyes and saw nothing. We stayed a couple of minutes with his body and I just tired to take it in, feel him, hug him, look at him for the last time. When the nurse took his body I felt as though she was taking my heart away from me. 
I always knew that Clifford's passing was going to be hard but never in a millions years did I think it was going to be like this. I really haven't slept well since he died, I now sleep with his blanket which is the same one that I took him to the hospital with, everywhere I look in the house I see him, I feel like I am always sad all day every day. All day long I think of him and I tried not to be sad every minute of my life but I can't help it. I want to remember him and smile and be thankful because of him I didn't feel like an only child growing up but every time I think of him I just cry and cry. I am just so so so sad, I have his ashes and I'm always hugging them wishing he was here. Every night I beg God to take this pain away, to make it easier. It is so hard. 17 years we were together, i lost my brother, my companion, my best friend. I don't think I will ever be truly over his passing, I just have to learn how to live with this pain. 
Natalie R
Quote 0 0
MLovesRuby
Oh Natalie.....your words made me cry so hard.  You love Clifford with all of your being.  I am so sorry.  

When we have our babies with us for so many years, and they are so healthy and happy for years and years, when they start to get sick and fade, it is surreal.  What?  Why?  How can this be?  You almost don't believe that they are gone.  Not my baby.

You're right, we have to learn to live with this pain.  But nothing or no one can take away the happy years we had with our babies.  The special bond we had is undeniable and unbreakable.  Love is forever.

Peace & Hugs

Michelle
Quote 1 0
roseblue1
So sorry and your words had me in tears...I lost my baby three weeks ago  today... there are such wonderful people on here and  they will help you get through this sadness.

Up until I few days ago I was just breaking down and crying and I still do get tearful at times...but I now sit with my daughter and laugh at the funny things Monty our cat did...like this morning ( Monty was a house cat) and his litter tray was in a room in our hallway and he always used his paw to open the door...and now we have his ingrained nail marks on the door of which I will never have removed...a few days ago I would have cried like a baby seeing that...but this morning me and my daughter smiled at the marks left with such love for Monty.

Keep visiting here and post as much as you want and in time you will get through this and remember your beautiful Clifford with such loving memories and the help of such kind and understanding people who have all shared what you are going through.

Take care 

Ellen x
Ellen Hague
Quote 1 0
nat
Michelle.. I do love Clifford with all my being and you are complete right it is hard to believe when they gone. Thank you for your kind words. 

Ellen.. I also have Clifford's nail marks on our door! He used to get so excited about us coming home that he would scratch the door to try to open it lol today it gives me comfort looking at those. Thank you as well for your kind words, I actually think coming on to here is helping me. It's nice to know that I am not the only person going through a loss this difficult and that people understand my pain. 
Natalie R
Quote 0 0
P_Mom
Dear Natalie, it's so evident your love for Clifford and his love for you. How amazing and very special you both grew up together!! You're right that he got old quickly, that's the very unfortunate and in my opinion unfair time we're given with our beloved dogs.  Their lifespans are far too short and they advance in age rapidly.  Everyone here has learned that hard lesson.  But it teaches us to make every moment count and it sounds like that's exactly what you did with your sweet brother.  

This is a most painful loss, but love never dies and the love between you and Clifford will remain forever.  You were a wonderful companion and best friend to him.  He was so very lucky to be in a good home.  

The love shared and beautiful memories of you and Clifford will always be right there close in your heart. ❤

Big Hugs,
Jennifer
Jennifer
Quote 1 0
nat
Jennifer, 
I also agree with you their time is not enough and very unfair. It definitely teaches you to enjoy every moment we have with them. Thank you for your kind words, they truly touched my heart! Him and I had the best life together and everything and all of the memories and love I have for him will always be in my heart. Thank you! sending you a big hug
Natalie R
Quote 0 0