HardlySamie
Hey, everybody.
My name is Samie and I live in Oregon. Last night we lost our Labradoodle of ten years, Murphy. He had a growth on his spleen that turned out to be cancerous. The worst part of it was that it seemed to come out of nowhere. He had seemed fine, but yesterday morning he wouldn't eat his breakfast, which is highly unusual for him. I brought him to the vet, and she examined him and told me about the growth, and that we could either euthanize him or pay for an emergency splenectomy. Naturally, I went with the latter. He pulled through the splenectomy surgery just fine, and we thought we'd have a few more months with him at the very least. However, shortly after I left the vet's office Murphy started crashing. Our dedicated vet worked on him for over an hour, but in the end, his heart stopped and she lost him. 
We got Murphy when I was in Junior high. He was my best friend and always seemed to know when I needed him. Eventually, he even got clearance as a psychiatric service animal and I was able to bring him to college with me. Everyone loved him. He's been with me through all the hardest periods of my life and was truly an amazing dog. He hasn't even been dead for 24 hours and I feel so lost. It's a cold hollowness that makes me feel like I'm never going to be happy again. For the first time in years, I've been seriously considering ending my life, all because of Murphy. I know that feeling this way is healthy, but I'm so scared of myself and what I might do. I miss him so much, and all I want is to see him again.
Please help.
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CKMP
Samie,

I am so so sorry for the loss of your boy Murphy.  Cancer....it does seem to come out of nowhere.  I have gone through this with one of my 'girls' recently.  Our pups are so strong, so resilient and so determined to live each day they often carry ailments, disease and hurts without us ever suspecting until they can not carry it alone any longer...Cancer robs our loved fur one of time, and us of our confidante, our best friend and our purest love.   The loss is overwhelming and devastating - in an instance, the world turns upside down - and you are right, there is an emptiness, a coldness that not even the kindest of people nor the warmest sun in the sky can cure.  There are few words that can ease the sting of the loss and it is so so fresh for you - it is shock, and too I think a 'fear' of life without - change, and change without the one who helped us through changes within our life up to this point.  Our fur ones provide the stability, the safe haven for us to fall into.  They accept us without question or complaint and they just adore us each and every day.  Murphy gave you strength...yes for sure by his physical presence and nearness but also through his love for you.  And, Samie, without question your Murphy's love is still with you...as is your boy...his spirit, his love is eternal...and his connection with you is eternal...The bond forged between the two of you is forever...and while Murphy has gone on ahead to a new 'canine adventure' he will never leave you alone...He will be faithfully and loyally by your side...He will hear your voice and he will be nearby.  Your boy worked hard for you, and gave you the ability to move ahead without his physical presence...He gave you the love and the push to continue to celebrate Murphy's life - to ensure many know how much your boy's life mattered.
These days will be difficult without a doubt - there are ahead many steps forward on this journey of grief and many steps backwards...Time - there is no way I will say to you it will heal...because I believe it does not.  Time gives us the opportunity only to learn how to live without our special fur one - how to carry our grief and heartache - as I believe a part of our heart and soul leaves with our loved fur ones...that is the connection - the bond that ties us together for always.  
Stay on this forum as there are so many understanding and caring people here.  Talk to Murphy, write to Murphy - and know each word written and spoken is heard by Murphy's ears...Soul to soul, heart to heart.
This is a long and difficult journey - grief - and it takes its own time and its own form for each of us...Your grief and tears are only possible because of the most wonderful of relationships ever - that between you and Murphy...the joy and comfort.  Today and through the tomorrows the tears, the ache and the 'darkness' are testimony to the bond and that love shared.  Take care - you are not alone through this journey - there are so many people here that do understand.
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PeppermintPatty
Samie,

First of all, I can't express how deeply sad I am for your loss. It is like no other. Many people express that they cried more for the loss of their pets than they did for a human. That is because it is a bond like no other.

Please realize that what you are feeling is completely normal. We have all been there. I lost two senior kitties, one in August over my birthday, and the other got sick over Christmas and died on New Years's Day eve. The paid is unbearable, this I know.

Continue to post here. We can all relate to the profound grief you are feeling. I promise you this ... it will get easier, but you will never forget. Cry and go through the emotional roller coaster. Hopefully, some of your friends will understand what you are going through. Others might not, and that's the hard part. At least it was for me because I started hearing things like, they were just cats, get over it. The problem is, I can't.

Believe that your little angel came into your life not randomly, but for a reason. And that you will be reunited some day. They are not with us long enough.

Please take care of yourself during this very hard time in your life.
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