Last night, we rushed my 19 year old cat to the vet. She had been declining all day and we were worried when she was cuddled up to me on the couch and started peeing in her sleep. I spent an hour trying to find a vet open and finally got her in.

the vet said she was in chronic kidney failure; was dehydrated, her temperature was so low because she couldn’t regulate it and she likely had a respiratory infection based on her breathing.

less than an hour after we arrived she was put to sleep. I literally can’t stop thinking about feeling her body go limp. My heart is absolutely breaking. I’ve had her since she was 6 weeks old and she’s been with me half my life.

im having trouble seeing life without her, she was the most amazing cat I could have ever asked for. I’ve spent the last 24 hours crying my face off, I miss her so much. 

I know we made the best choice. I asked if there was anything we could do and there wasn’t anything that would take away her pain and discomfort but I can’t help but feel like maybe there was something, anything. My guilt is so strong right now.

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I’m so sorry that you had to part with such a wonderful soul. Please don’t feel guilt. You did all that you could for her. You loved her for all of those years that you had her, and she loved you all the same. I’m sure you made her life an absolute paradise. You’ll see her again in time. She’ll be so eager to cuddle and play with you— I’m sure of it. You have people here for you to try and help with lessening the pain. Please don’t be afraid to reach out if you so need it. 
Dream little one! You can run and jump and climb again! For always! Dream little one, and I will dream with you.
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I am so sorry for your loss.  Sounds like she had a wonderful 19-years with you and she had a lot of love.  It has been almost 2 months since I had to put my 19-year old cat Patch down due to advanced kidney failure - had a few accidents like what you are describing.  The vet informed me in December and told me he had weeks or months.  He started to decline on Sunday - had vomited food sometime Saturday night.  Seemed fine on Sunday but was more loving and wanted to be with me more than normal.  Sunday night he had terrible vomiting (not cat hairball vomit) and diarrhea.  By Monday morning he was not eating.  He was very thin and I just knew it was time.  He had this horrible crying Sunday night that sounded like he was crying for help, poor guy.  Unfortunately because of the COVID restrictions, I could not be with him.  I kept beating myself up over the decision - should i have waited, did I do the right thing?  A good friend of mine really helped me through by telling me I gave him a gift to put him out of pain - she is also my pet sitter and told me that after sitting with him in February she was surprised he was still around.

You did the best you could for her and she knew you loved her.  She is out of pain and in a happy place - but it does not make it easier knowing that.  In the first week, the grief comes in waves and sometimes feel like you are drowning in it.  It just means you loved her so much and there is a big whole in your heart.  Gradually, in small increments it will get better and eventually you will be able to smile at the memories.  I have Patchey's remains in a box a beautiful velvet bag on his favorite chair.  I also have a small memorial to him set up.  I still talk to him and pet him - I tell him I love him.  The first week after he was gone, I was out running and this overwhelming feeling came over me that he was fine and was with my grandfather in heaven (my grandfather loved cats).  It offered me so much peace.  I hope you will eventually be able to find peace, but these first few days can be tough.

Sorry this is so long, but I wanted you to know there are people on this forum who know what you are going through and are here to help.

Bless you and your family as you grieve.
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Lunamoon, I'm so sorry for the loss of your cat, she sounded like an amazing girl.
Almost 4 months ago I had to say goodbye to my cat Albert, he was 16. We had to make the painful decision to end his suffering after finding an inoperable mass in his abdomen, he was in pain and his quality of life was declining. I was with him through it all, held him on my lap at the end and long after he passed. It's so heart breaking to have to say goodbye to our little ones especially having them in our lives for so long. We know that although it hurts so much that it is right to end their pain and suffering. Your little one knows that you really loved and cared for her and what you did out of love. She also knows you were there for her right to the end. You gave her a good loving home and life for many years and you both made a difference in each others lives and were fortunate to cross each others journeys in life. I hope in time this can bring you a little comfort. The grief and sadness can feel unbearable. It comes with such an array of emotions and guilt and regret are some of them. I went through the "what if's" and "should I haves" in the second week and the guilt was overwhelming. After I composed myself and spoke to the vet she told me the mass in Albert's abdomen was the size of a small orange and due to its location among his vital organs surgery was not an option. This brought me a little  comfort in knowing that there wasn't too much else we could have done and we ended his pain and suffering before he really degraded badly. You will feel so lost and in such a dark place and tears will flow like a water fall. It does very slowly get a little better and the grief will slowly ease off. Just take it slow, hour by hour, day by day and week to week.
This forum is very good, so many here are going through or have gone through the same painful experience. It has helped me and I hope it can help you too.
My heart goes out to you.
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