Mackysmum
Hi it's been one week today that my fur baby left me and this morning i felt very down and low I was worried as since yesterday I hadn't cried at all , but after I visited mackys grave i cried .
The thing is I was very busy today and I found myself not thinking about my special boy , i even felt normal. I still feel not to bad like everything's kinda alright . This makes me confused and then guilty its only been one week is this normal or am i not really upset my boys gone?
Anyone else experience this in such a short time .
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Bailey15
Hi Mackysmom,
I went back and read your original post about Macky. He sounds like such a sweet, special boy.
From my experience, when I lost Bailey, I felt numb. I seemed to go in and out of feeling that way for months, my brain's way of protecting me I guess. When I read this post, I thought that what you are describing sounds a lot like what I went through. Looking back I'm so glad that I did experience that numbness because otherwise I don't know how I would have been able to make it through. If you have times or days when you feel okay just go with it and use that time to rest your mind and body. It is such a difficult journey and although we all understand the awful loss, I think we all experience it in our own way. Things will get easier with time but don't try and rush it - mourning your loss is so important for healing. I am so sorry you lost your precious boy!
Hugs, MJ
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Avabear
Hi Mackysmom, it's been 2 1/2 weeks since my Ava died and for the first week and a half I felt like you have describes and then it hit me, I guess in part I don't think it had properly sunk in for the first week or so and also (I'm not sure of your situation) Ava had been very ill with cancer for her last few weeks with very unsettled nights which had left me exhausted so I think exhaustion and in some senses relief because I hated seeing her suffering and the emotional turmoil I felt during lost last few weeks of knowing I was loosing her, feeling helpless and constantly asking 'is it time' 'how will I know if it's time' etc took it's toll and when she died as awful as it was I think although I wasn't aware of it directly I think I did feel some relief that that was over.  However by week 2 it all hit me and became very real that she was gone, the tears now flow freely multiple times a day. Grieving is a very personal, individual thing so don't give yourself a hard time because you don't think you are behaving or grieving in the 'normal' way, there is no normal in this process.

I hope this helps. xx
Avabears mummy

'It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.' Anon

 

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Mackysmum
Avabear thank you for writing me im so sorry you lost your baby aswell .
I don't feel myself at all ive found the day leading up to mackys passing traumatic and after he was gone i felt numb untill a few hours after then I cried like a child .
The day after was worse i longed for macky like nothing ive felt before and cried all day , that night i.went numb again as if nothing had happened .
Next day i was suicidal it was scary this continued into the nect day .
Now I'm like this mackys in my mind non stop yet i cant feel him in a way that I forget him I feel like there's a block on my memories off macky very bizzare its making me feel extremely guilty and very anxious
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Mackysmum
Bailey15 wrote:
Hi Mackysmom,
I went back and read your original post about Macky. He sounds like such a sweet, special boy.
From my experience, when I lost Bailey, I felt numb. I seemed to go in and out of feeling that way for months, my brain's way of protecting me I guess. When I read this post, I thought that what you are describing sounds a lot like what I went through. Looking back I'm so glad that I did experience that numbness because otherwise I don't know how I would have been able to make it through. If you have times or days when you feel okay just go with it and use that time to rest your mind and body. It is such a difficult journey and although we all understand the awful loss, I think we all experience it in our own way. Things will get easier with time but don't try and rush it - mourning your loss is so important for healing. I am so sorry you lost your precious boy!
Hugs, MJ
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Mackysmum
Bailey15 thank you for writing me im so sorry for your special boy Bailey.
I hope this is just numbness as macky deserves my tears and my sadness it makes me guilty that I feel this way very guilty
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Purzel
Mackys Mum,

I am very sorry for the loss of your sweet Macky. It is a very hard time to go through but you are not alone. Good you came here with very many understanding people. Please, dont feel guilty. I think when a loss is traumatizing your soul is simply protecting you and blocks off memories that might hurt you. It is like a self protecting mechanism. Just like you I cried terribly and then for some days there was nothing, I was just numb. Like Avabear's Mom and MJ already wrote, it does take time. Please, be patient with yourself and take good care. I wish you comfort and my heart goes out to you.
Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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Mackysmum
Purzel thank you so much it hurts to think of the day i put my baby to sleep , i worry he would be up set with me because he never knew it was the last time he would feel my hugs .
I know I had to do it for him to not be in pain any more but still he never knew and that makes my heart sore .
He was my best mate and I always did everything for him even if it ment me going without , the last 6 months were super stressful but if I could do it all over i would to have my boy back .
I think I still can't comprehend that he's no.longer coming home to me that this is it and it makes me feel really confused as to what am i now to do .
Miss you my sweet little man xxx
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