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tyson05
Nadine, I am so sorry for your loss. I just put mine down on Friday the 22nd and am having such a hard time with it. It was always me and Tyson while my teenage son is doing his own thing and my husband out of town working. I found out he had a tumor surrounding his spleen. I decided to put him down rather than doing surgery and before it ruptured. I didn't want him to suffer. He was 10 and was struggling with so many things from the food he ate to walking up the steps and yet my heart says it was too soon. He had time and I feel like I took it. But my head knows that if something happened to him I couldn't lift him by myself to get him to the vet and he would suffer. I knew I had a week when I made the decision and yet I hurt so bad. I feel like I lost a child and I don't know how to deal with it right now.  Sorry, I didn't mean to take over your post, I just really understand the guilt. I am sorry for your loss. Lori 
Lori
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Georgiapeaches
Tyson05 I know how you feel. I too was left alone with my dog most of the day while my husband worked. He worked days and I worked nights so Georgia was never alone but if if something ever happened to her I wouldnt have been able to lift her. We also opted for euthanasia and im going thru the same guilt feelings .
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elliemeewiz
I have a lot of guilt too... I'm not sure which is the worst for me, probably the biopsy decision and not spending more time with him. Also like reading my phone when I should have been cuddling up with him to go to sleep, going to sleep earlier etc. I'm nocturnal and up all night... I'm a bit of a shopaholic and it is one way I de-stress myself.. I don't regret caring for Wiz one bit, I never re-sented it but it was hard with everything else I have to do and that de-stressed me a bit from the whole situation and other life stresses and I wish I had just managed to spend more time at home with him. That and the biopsy. When I was out my father was there a lot the last few months and wiz sat on chair with him too and became quite cuddly.

But you know i think what someone said is so right, they would not be guilting us this way, they may think at the time I wish mom would do this now, or I wish she wouldn't stay out quite so long but when we're there they are happy, and they certainly don't hold a grudge or love us less because we didn't do everything exactly right or the way we wish we had. They are so forgiving.  I'm sure they forgive us everything in the end. I asked Wizard that in my memoriam to forgive me many things, of course I know in my darker times I will still feel the guilt, and beat myself up, I even remember telling myself that towards the end and I did spend more time at home and kept outings to a minimum, there were days I didn't go out at all.  but I hope I get to a healthier place about it all for my sake, I know Wiz and our babies wouldn't want us to suffer over this, losing them is hard enough, that pain is a devastation without the guilt on top of it. 
My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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bitgrn
Nadine, I feel every ounce of your pain. I put my 16 yr old Maltese to sleep on April 1 and the guilt is still overwhelming. I can't get past the hump when you start to feel better. Everyone I have talked to including the forum posts have assured me it was time. My vet said it was time but I am having a hard time agreeing with that.  I don't cry all the time anymore but it does come in waves. Hang in there and continue to come back to the forum. It has really helped me.
Cathy
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lisbonlux
Nadine wrote:
I'm torturing myself since making the decision to let my 17yr old dog pass peacefully. But I'm jumping from one guilt to another. I feel guilty over my decision but now I'm feeling guilty over every aspect. Did I cuddle her enough, did I pay her enough attention or I shouldn't have told her off that time. I'm just heartbroken and wish she was here with me so I could cuddle her 24/7 before she leaves me. I wish I'd brought her back from the vets so I could have done this. My daughter says I'm being silly as she was spoiled and slept in my bed every night. But I feel like I could have been a better owner to her. Is this normal?


Hi Nadine, I completely share your pain and guilt at this moment. 

Our sweet dog, 13, passed on the 15th of we now know was an inoperable internal bleeding (we originally thought it was due to congestive heart failure)… My husband and I wallowed in guilt of not taking her to the hospital sooner, not doing several things, but once we found out it was really something out of our control, I am now finding myself feeling horrible about all the times I got mad at her, or when she drove me crazy (she was a barker) and not having loved her enough. She was my dog when I met my hubby, but she was the love of his life. My other dog, now almost 16 was always my favorite. Nonetheless, the pain I am feeling that she is not around is immeasurable. I hand fed her morning and night for over 2 months, I gave her medication and coddled her. Honestly, even though I saw her behavior change and her health decline and fought with my husband a lot because she just looked miserable, I was in complete and utter denial that she was slipping away. Even when I found her in the house, in a pool of urine and barely able to get to her feet, even as we drove to the emergency and  saw her light fading away, I was still in denial, like one of those dreams, that you just think they will revive her while doing CPR and this was all a big misunderstanding.

I don’t sleep well. I already lost 5 lbs, and now we are meeting a new dog on Saturday because our geriatric dog is just miserable alone and we feel so bad for him, and for us too, and I feel guilt that I am looking forward and excited to meet this new pooch (she is 6 years old). I feel guilty about having fun, about eating, about going on with life and she is not here. I feel good for about 5 seconds when my husband tells me I rescued her from the pound and gave her the most loving home for almost 12 years, but then again, I feel I could have done more. It is just the most excruciating pain… You are not alone and I read this is normal in our grieving process so hang in there. xoxoxo

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winstonsmom12
I myself am still carrying a lot of guilt about Winston.  Like I have said before, I didn't have the money for a lot of testing.  I never went out for a long time, when I did go out at all.  I always wanted to rush home to him.  People thought I was nuts to be so obsessed about a dog.

But I was obsessed.  He was my child, not just a "dog". I saw him failing rapidly, and I suspect now by what I read on the forum he had more severe problems than I thought, as he had many of the same symptoms I've read described.  He didn't suffer very long in my opinion, because I made my decision not too long after I saw him declining.

He was a 12 yr old Bulldog.  That is pretty unusual for that breed to live that long.  My Vet said she had never seen a 12 yr old Bulldog in her practice.  Pus from what I've read, their life span is usually 8-10 yrs.  I so wish I could have done more for my baby, but I couldn't.  Winston I love and miss you more than anything in this world.

I did my best with you, I hope you remember that   Love Mommy
I love and miss you too my Max (Mackie)


Susan
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DonnaP
The guilt is so hard to deal with, I too had so much guilt when I had to put Makoa down. I still catch myself wishing I would have done more, knowing that I did give her the best, loving life I could. She was happy and loved very much. The guilt comes and goes and it is hard to get over. She was just so tired of not being able to use her back legs and it was so hard watching her struggle every day even though we did all we could to make her comfortable and happy. But I just remember that I did this out of my endearing love for her.
Donna Proctor
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deereay33
Me too. Guilt ridden at having my 13 year old lab put to sleep dec 23rd after we could not seem to win his battle with lymphoma. I still wish id not agreed to the vets advice to put him to sleep. But his misery of constant sickness made me put him first. Miss you every day Jonah, my best friend, my love, my constant companion. X
Dee
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winstonsmom12
deereay  Winstons misery and sickness also played a big part in my decision about my Winston.  My vet did not force me to make the decision.  I am still guilt ridden.  Winston was a 12 yr old Bulldog.  If you know anything about Bulldogs, 12 is a very old age for them.  Usual life span is 8-10 years.  Matter of fact my Vets told me they had never seen a 12 yr old Bulldog in their practices.

I like to think it was because I took extra good care of my baby.  People have said as much to me when they would see winston and ask his age.  I have to realize he was 12.  He lived a pampered life, which is the way I wanted it.  My guilt gets in the way of the facts a lot.  I have trouble remembering the facts through the guilt.  I LOVE you Winston and My Max   Mommy XOXOXO
Susan
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CKMP
winstonsmom12 - Susan,
I know how you are feeling, I too am still tormented by guilt.  I think I can see a way through it at moments and then it hits me like a ton of bricks.  Only two months have passed and everyday I miss our gone girl and wish for the should haves, could haves and might haves.  It eats aways at the soul and the heart.  Tears are frequent still - and like others have mentioned, people around are beginning to lose patience with the emotions.  It is so so tough to not second guess decisions made or decisions not made.  I wasn't pressured by the vet, but as I have mentioned elsewhere she planted a seed of doubt in my mind that plays over and over and over now.  I had made a decision based upon knowing my girl for 10 years and the vet [unknowingly] planted that little seed that has been nurtured by sorrow and loneliness into a full grown vine of guilt wrapping itself around and around the heart and mind.
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elliemeewiz
Hugs to you all, susan, even if you had better finances to care for winston it might not have helped. I did nearly everything I could for Wiz and he still passed, eventually the cancer took over and there was nothing we could do. I wish to god there had been something I could've done to keep him with me forever.
My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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Saghs
I just lost my Tobey 5hours ago. He had lung cancer. And here I am, going through our ten years together and thinking I'm not such a good family/mother to him. I know I have so many shortcomings and I feel i have neglected him so many times, like I should have been more attentive, more giving of my time, more playful with him, more patient, more caring, more loving, etc.

We went to the vet earlier this morning to run some tests because he had made a turn for the worse. When we got home after the vet, we had some moments just looking at each other. Then he got a bit lively and started wagging his tail. And i went ti him, and started rubbing his neck the way he wants, and he was enjoying it and just looking at me so trustingly, so lovingly, like saying "thank you". And i asked him "Tobey, are you going away?" And he was just sitting there. I got up to get him some water... When I came back, he was collapsing, and struggling to get back up. He died in my arms this afternoon. I will never forget holding him while he took his final breath. Im gutted. So heartbroken.

He was so loving and I think I was not a good enough person for him. :( I cant stop crying
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Jenleg79
Today I had to put my pup to sleep. I woke up and she was having a seizure. She was 15. I feel so guilty. I keep looking for her around the house thinking I'll see her. I feel so lost. My 3 year old dosent understand which is normal. It's so hard. Now I gor to tell my 10 year old. My heart hurts. Don't beat yourself up. You gave your fur baby a happy and good life.
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elliemeewiz
Saghs, I'm so sorry for your loss of Tobey, that must have been so traumatic... (((((hugs to you)))) and hang in there. At least you were with him and he was happy towards the end. 
My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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