I'm torturing myself since making the decision to let my 17yr old dog pass peacefully. But I'm jumping from one guilt to another. I feel guilty over my decision but now I'm feeling guilty over every aspect. Did I cuddle her enough, did I pay her enough attention or I shouldn't have told her off that time. I'm just heartbroken and wish she was here with me so I could cuddle her 24/7 before she leaves me. I wish I'd brought her back from the vets so I could have done this. My daughter says I'm being silly as she was spoiled and slept in my bed every night. But I feel like I could have been a better owner to her. Is this normal?
Hi Nadine, I completely share your pain and guilt at this moment.
Our sweet dog, 13, passed on the 15th of we now know was an inoperable internal bleeding (we originally thought it was due to congestive heart failure)… My husband and I wallowed in guilt of not taking her to the hospital sooner, not doing several things, but once we found out it was really something out of our control, I am now finding myself feeling horrible about all the times I got mad at her, or when she drove me crazy (she was a barker) and not having loved her enough. She was my dog when I met my hubby, but she was the love of his life. My other dog, now almost 16 was always my favorite. Nonetheless, the pain I am feeling that she is not around is immeasurable. I hand fed her morning and night for over 2 months, I gave her medication and coddled her. Honestly, even though I saw her behavior change and her health decline and fought with my husband a lot because she just looked miserable, I was in complete and utter denial that she was slipping away. Even when I found her in the house, in a pool of urine and barely able to get to her feet, even as we drove to the emergency and saw her light fading away, I was still in denial, like one of those dreams, that you just think they will revive her while doing CPR and this was all a big misunderstanding.
I don’t sleep well. I already lost 5 lbs, and now we are meeting a new dog on Saturday because our geriatric dog is just miserable alone and we feel so bad for him, and for us too, and I feel guilt that I am looking forward and excited to meet this new pooch (she is 6 years old). I feel guilty about having fun, about eating, about going on with life and she is not here. I feel good for about 5 seconds when my husband tells me I rescued her from the pound and gave her the most loving home for almost 12 years, but then again, I feel I could have done more. It is just the most excruciating pain… You are not alone and I read this is normal in our grieving process so hang in there. xoxoxo