Lynne631
Our dog, Dax, of 11 years (she herself was two or three when she was adopted from the pound, which would have made her around 13) has just had to be euthanized.  We found out she had throat cancer a few months ago.  She was barely eating, and her breathing becoming increasingly shallow.  I've recently lost my stepfather, my cousin, and my aunt within the last four or so months (and am faced with the prospect of my mother fading away into herself as time goes by), and while I cried/cry, and mourned/mourn for each of them, seeing our loyal companion  --  the same loving face, and presence that I had seen, and heard each day leave us has generated tears, and pain from the pit of my stomach that I just cannot describe.  

It's amazing how much is attached to our companions.  Everything, and every bit of love that we have for each other, and are capable of giving seems to be embedded in the routine, and process that forms around them  --  just the sound of their paws on the floor, or scraping of doors.  

There were no cushions on the couch today, and I thought to myself "I better put them there, because *** doesn't like it when she licks the couch," and then realized again, and broke down.  

I don't now what else to do.  The silence is deafening.  The silence around us as well.  I worry about how the others are handling it, and they won't talk.  They're just silent.  Everyone is silent.
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Zaneta
Oh my...I am so sorry for your loss as well, Lynn. You’re as fresh in the pain as I am. You have been going through a lot. I am sorry your family doesn’t talk. We talk, we talk a lot, but also because the passing of our beloved Bella was so dramatic everyone was involved from the beginning. I was looking for her with my daughter when I spotted her in the pool. I was screaming and crying for my husband for a long time I fell to the ground and screamed for about 20 mins while my shocked and shaken husband was pulling my Bella from the pool and my son and daughter assisted. Doesn’t matter how we lose our pet it’s a traumatic event. However, I wished for my Bella that she had a chance to be put to sleep with our love surrounding her to the last breath. I understand your pain. I hurt horribly and my family worries about me. I even went to a doctor today hoping he could give me some medication for a few days to help me cope, but he didn’t he sends me to a psychiatrist and I don’t feel I need it. I really hope for you to have your family talk to you. You need this support. A couple our ago, I was reading aloud to my husband and I about if the dogs have souls and if I’ll meet her after I die as well as how to grieve with some beautiful poems. All of the reading was beautiful, but made me cry even more.
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Lynne631
Thank you so much, Zaneta.  The beginning is always hard, because you're learning how to cope, and carry it.  I've moved so often that I've never had a pet for this long, and then lost them.  I know what happened had to have been tragic for you, but our pets (being the family members that they are) are so connected to us spiritually that they carry our emotions with them unquestioningly, and unceasingly.  There's no doubt in my mind that your Bella had your love with her all along.  
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3_cats_mom
I am very sorry about your loss. And yes, the silence and the emptiness are the worst feelings of all. I think everyone grieves differently. I myself like to come to this forum; read other people's posts and talk about my sorrow. However, for some people talking about it makes it worse somehow, just like my husband. We are the exact opposite. And for this reason, I just keep coming to this forum, so I can get some relief. I encourage you to do the same if your family avoids the subject. 

If you find it unbearable to stay in the house, try to take a small trip or get out of the house a bit regularly. 

hugs

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deedee76
Lynne,

I am so sorry for your loss my Dog Koby passed away this day last week I am here in work sick to my stomach putting on a brave face I just feel like lost.    I hope your pain eases with time and I hope the good days far outweigh the bad and in time we remember the good memories and get a sense of comfort from them.   But you are right the silence is deafening I hope we all get through this horrible time... look after yourself x

Dee

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Memories_of_Marmalade
Dear Lynne,

I had to put my beloved cat to sleep 10 weeks ago today. His name was Marmalade. A noble, dignified, loyal, devoted, Alpha-Male Tom Cat that I adopted over 850 miles away in the high desert country of New Mexico. Where he had been the King of a colony of stray & feral cats. He was believed to also be around 13 years old. 

Marmalade was my best friend, my brother, my son, my comrade in arms, my compadre, my only remaining family, my light and my love. He saved my life countless times and I did the same for him. We had a secret mutual admiration society with just 2 members - he & I. And that is just the way we liked it.

Marmalade never lied to me, abused me, lied to me, betrayed me, used me, insulted me, judged me, gossiped about me. He made me feel content & blessed. To know him, to have him as my primary company, made me feel happier then I had ever felt in my entire life.

I have mourned and cried more, and been more devastated by the loss of Marmalade, than by any human relative, friend or business colleague I have ever known. And I am 57 years old, so have lost my fair share of people in my life.

Yes, it is truly remarkable how these little, enchanting animals make such a profound, positive and everlasting impact on our lives and steal our hearts away. I surrendered mine to Marmalade and he took it with him when he departed this World.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James
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Ceceliadempsey3
Hi James!
You always seem to say something that resonates with me. As I have said my mom passed in February and thatcher in May. I miss my mom terribly but it’s really different with Thatcher. I’m still crying everyday for his touch, his pawing me, his bossing me around his kisses and cuddles. And I could go on.
Even his growling at me if I got too close to his food bowl. ( he did have many issues). But I loved him anyway. I really did not cry as much for my beloved mother. And sometimes feel guilty about that. My mom knew how much I loved him and the only thing that makes me a little happy is that now I hope they are with each other. And one day I will be too..
you say so many beautiful words to those on this site. I find it very comforting. Thanks for all your kind words.
Cecelia
Thatcher’s mom
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Thank you Cecelia for your very kind & considerate words. They are very much appreciated. As do you. Whenever I see the name "Thatcher's Mom" on this forum? I know that some wisdom or deep, heartfelt sentiment is about to be shared, having been written by you!  May God bless & keep you.

XO,
James
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jerigraehl
James and Thatchers mom - you guys are great. James - I think you and I feel the same way about how much we appreciate the beyond human relationship we got from Marmalade and Khaomanee. No they never betrayed us or used, or insulted, or judged etc. I had a dysfunctional family that filled my life with pain. My pets prior , and khaomanee filled my life with pure untainted love. So yes I think people who have been hurt and let down by family and humans in general depend on their animal companions/family even more than those who have no painful/dysfunctional human families, that does not mean that that was the sole reason for the deep attachment. I would have loved him regardless. But the loss is perhaps  a bit harder on us. I have no other family in general so there is no one else to lean on. Or get support from etc. James - you are really helping people on here. You were my first responder to my forum entry - and it was SO helpful to me. You are doing something from your heart to turn your painful experience into positive energy for others by using your own experience and wisdom to help us. I see your responses on here. God Bless You. Thank you. Jeri
jerigraehl
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Hi Jeri,

Thank you kindly! You've only been here for a short while, but I can already see and feel how much of a difference YOU are making for others here on this forum, with your understanding, insightful and supportive posts. They are very much appreciated including especially by me. It is nice to know that others feel the way that I (we) do. Again...I Thank you sincerely. May God bless & keep you too.

Kind regards,
James
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Lynne631
3_cats_mom, thank you so much.  I agree, having this forum here is so helpful.  People do have to mourn in their own, personal way.  It is a deeply personal experience for all of us, after all.  The people who need to talk, or share experiences will gravitate to a place like this, and it is fortunate that we have the ability.  

deedee76, I am so sorry about your dog.  I know what it is to have to continue going on for the sake of others, and for things that have to be done.  It is difficult when that pain, and constant reminder is ever present, and centerfold.  I too hope the positive outlives all of the negative, and you find only comfort in the love you shared with your Koby.  These are normal steps we must go through, but the best of the memories live on.

Memories_of_Marmalade,  I can't thank you enough.  Reading your posts here have helped me quite a bit.  I think what hurts most about this is seeing the holes our pet has left in everyone here  --  feeling her absence, my pain, and then the pain in the other family members that I cannot take away, or mitigate, try as I might.  That closeness that each person had with her, the walks that will no longer be taken, strolls to the park, even the nuisances.  All that time is empty now, and in that time, I personally cannot help but wonder so many things.  The glue that she was for all of us, the happiness, and love that lived in her, and emanated from her.  It is just as you said as well  --  not only do they connect us in all of the positive ways, they also connect with us in all of the most positive ways, so it makes perfect sense that our pain would reflect all of that purity, and be comprised of the love we have for them, and everyone they helped linked us with, and helped set in our hearts as well.  Thank you for offering this clarity.  And for all of your posts, and kind words.  
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Lynne,

Thank you so very kindly for your gracious words. They are truly appreciated. I don't know if I would have made it without this forum and the empathetic, compassionate, caring and wise souls here. I am so glad that your found some of my words comforting. It is extraordinary to me, and I keep trying to express this, the profound impact these little animals have on so many human lives. It's just remarkable and what a true blessing that we bond with them on such a pure level. Thank your for expressing this so eloquently in your post. : )

Best always,
James
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