FishsticksMom
Two weeks yesterday and the effort it takes to move on with the everyday has been difficult. There are hills and valleys of emotions. I have had a hard time cleaning or straightening up around spaces where she had been. I wonder if anyone else is experiencing this? I still have a t-shirt she was laying on. It is covered with her fur. Can't bear to wash it. Just now getting to a point of washing the shirt I was wearing as I held her after she died. I haven't been able to vacuum under the bed where she had her secret hiding spot. Ran my hand over that part of the carpet and came up with her fur. Just broke me to pieces Little by little I have started cleaning some things. The floors mopped the other day. Sheets and certain towels washed. I threw out all her medications the day she died. Couldn't bear the reminder of her illness. She hated that medicine..
I put pictures of her in different places around the house to create new spaces where her memory lives so it doesn't feel like I'm removing her. It is really hard. I know she is gone but these little physical reminders are so hard to move forward from. Is this normal? How do you get back to a daily routine they were such a part of without feeling like you are erasing them?
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Jan_H
My Jagger loved to sleep in the laundry baskets. I would warm old towels and sweats in the dryer and put them in the laundry baskets. It took me a couple weeks to wash all those items and start using the laundry baskets as they are intended.
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Miasmom_704
Fishsticks Mom, 

What you're experiencing is perfectly normal!  You don't have to clean the things that remind you of Fishsticks.  I lost my beloved Mia on July 2.  I threw away her medicines right away also.  Just today, I gave her unopened medicines to a guy I know who does rescue and houses rescued cats.  I gave him her vitamins and a new box of diabetic needles.  i didn't want to see them anymore.  BUT.... I haven't washed her little towel with kitty faces on it and her little mats with kitties on them.  I was smelling her towel because it smells like her.

I have saved bits of her fur in a small container which is going to go into a remembrance box with her ashes.  You can save the fur as a part of them, a part of their physical body.  I haven't put away her towels or carrier yet and I have her litter box, now empty leaning against the wall.  All in due time, I will put her litter box in the closet.  This is all part of the grieving process.  Be Gentle with yourself and take the time to grieve.  When I passed her favorite food in the store, I felt pain, I keep all her dishes, I feel pain when I reach out on the bed and she's not next to me. The hills and valleys of emotion are all normal also.  We're all experiencing it.  Just know that Fishsticks can feel your love, and your pain and knows how much you loved her. Trust me, in their spirit form, they can feel you and know your love.  You're not erasing her because of the love you feel.  The love connects you and these little reminders are also ways you're honoring her and your life together.  She knows you gave her a good life and you both gave each other's life meaning.  

You're feeling such deep love... that's not erasing!  We're all taking each day, one day at a time.

Much love to you... you're not alone.





Mia’s Mom
Please visit Mia’s memorial
Visit Mia's Rainbow Bridge Memorial Residency

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Muki
Wow Mia, those are such beautiful words. I am sorry about your loss. I guess you are right, we won't erase them because the love we have for them will always keep them with us, guess it just feels like we will. Like you I lost my little girl July 2 and I also did decide to keep some of her fur. At first I was like, well this might be weird, but I don't care what others think, I want to keep some of her fur with me, so I cut some little pieces of her long hair to keep and put next to her ashes.

FishsticksMom

I'm sorry about your loss. I am feeling the same way. Although it has been over a month, I haven't removed my little girl's bed. It still sits next to my bed, where she used to sleep. I just can't seem to get rid of it yet, probably should, but in some weird way having it there makes me feel better....like she is coming back even though I know she isn't. I can't seem to put any of her other stuff away either like her bowl or her little sweaters she used to wear. I actually keep two of them with me on the couch where I sit often and just lay them on my lap... and yes I agree, all the little reminders of their things or places where they used to  be make it really hard to just keep going and clean those places or things they used to be around.
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Ronnie
I'm glad you brought this up. My precious boy Talyn (meorial here: 

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TALYN001/Resident.htm)

left me July 7,2019 just 5 weeks after his 11th birthday. I've already posted elsewhere about how wrong I was in waiting to get him help, because I thought something else was going on until it was too late. Aside from that GUILT, I too have not put away any of his stuff. His toys are still in the last spot he played with them (I have to vacuum around them). His dishes, litter box, etc all still in the same place. I found several of his whiskers, a few clumps of hair that I'm still finding around, and some of the sheddings of his claws. I have them in zip lock baggie along with some pictures and a claw paw print of his left front foot. I have them in a ziplock envelope. I don't want to clean any his hair off of my jackets or anything. I keep looking out over my balcony to the place where I buried him in the woods behind me that he loved to play in. I'll never forget that look of despair in his eyes, when I gently placed him in his carrier and drove as fast as I could. I buried him wrapped in one of his towels. I'm already starting to forget his scent :(
I haven't even cleaned his litter box yet, although there's no smell coming from it, so it's not an issue, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Everything in my apartment is exactly how he left it.

Ronnie A
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Ronnie
I even renewed my lease again. Talyn and I have lived together in this apartment for 9 years! He was only 2 when we first moved in. I showed him around the building, the woods in the back, where he loved to play the most (and where I laid him to rest). I can see the spot from my balcony, which may or may not be a good thing. One one hand, I look around it hurts that he's not here anymore. On the other, I get a painfully warm feeling when I look at all his favorite spots, and I feel like he's still around me, not to mention the clumps of cat hair I keep finding in places.
I'm so devastated. It's been 5 weeks, and I've never counted the days before so closely. I keep waking up hoping it was just a bad dream, or wishing I could just go back, and take him to the vet a FEW HOURS EARLIER. I know he would still be here otherwise. The guild is overwhelming. I had no idea he would die that night...I haven't even cleaned his litter box yet (although there's only a few droppings, not much)...
Ronnie A
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Mysweetsimba
Omg, thank you for putting that up. This is me. I'm not moving anything. I have guilt for having to put him to sleep, giving up on him, what feels like the easy way out instead of fighting, and cleaning would be another form of erasing.
In Buddhism, they believe your cat is in Bardo, a kind of middle world. They encourage you to leave kitty's items as kitty will come back one or twice during the 49 day window. You are also supposed to meditate on kitty daily. After 49 days you clear up as the cat should now be reborn. Whilst you may not agree with entirely with everything, there is some comfort for me.
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MSEASU
Yes. I lost my dog last Thursday. Still have his beds in place and stairs he used.
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