Sunshineambi
it's 4 weeks today since my 4 1/2 year old cat died suddenly. I was absolutely devastated, still am really but I have been learning to manage it and have been crying less and less as time has gone on.
however I visited a family member this evening and she made a number of references to my deceased cat. I can talk about her, discuss happy memories or talk matter of factly about what happened. However this family member kept making very emotive comments that keep nearly setting me off crying. She has a cat and when the cat walked into the room she said 'I bet you haven't seen one of these in a while' then later on she said 'I bet your house feels empty without your cat'. How am I supposed to respond to these comments without getting upset?? I appreciate that she is probably trying to be supportive in her own way but tonight it look all of my energy to hold on until I got home before bursting into tears and now I just can't stop. I thought I was coping well this last week but now it's hit me again so hard. Should I ask my partner to have a word with her (it's his side of the family) or am I just being too sensitive? I miss my cat so much, and this evening it literally felt like this family member was rubbing salt in my wounds. 😢
Quote 0 0
Epowell
It can be very hurtful when people say things like that even if they don't mean to hurt us.

I think the best thing you can ever say in response is, "Why would you say something like that?"

Put it back on them and leave their company if you need to at that point.

Our kitty, Mardi Lou, died at 4-1/2 of cancer many years ago and we had no warning signs until hours before she passed away. At that point the vet found a tumor wrapped around several organs and it was not remove able. We had to make that awful decision and I remember every second of that night. We still think of her and miss her often.

Hang in there. Grief comes in waves for weeks, months and even years later. This is the best place to come when you are feeling sad and need someone to listen.



Quote 0 0
JennC
I am so so sorry for your loss. You r not being too sensitive. U have suffered a devastating loss of your love one and she who also owns a cat should know better. Sometimes people don't know how to deal w other people's grief and are just socially awkward. I would let her know that her comments bother you and that you are very much still grieving and it's what you don't need right now. How they take that is their responsibility. You are just suppose to deal w your grief right now.

Take care of your self right now. That is your first priority. Know how much your cat would want you to heal and be well. The rest is not important, incl any dim wit who say the wrong things.
Quote 1 0
Sunshineambi
Thank you both your support and advice, I think it is more about her being socially awkward like you say, and wanting to approach the subject but not knowing how. I told my partner this morning as he was worried about me (I'm also 36 weeks pregnant so he was concerned to see me upset) He said he's going to have a word with her. He said she's made a few abrupt comments to him as well, which have taken him by surprise and he hasn't known how to respond. I think it's coming from a good place but she just doesn't know how to deal with other people's grief. Sorry to hear about your cat Epowell, even though it was a long time ago it sounds like it must've been such a heartbreaking time and one you will never forget. Loosing a pet suddenly is so horrible. I've still been quite emotional today, I think it's just really brought back my emotions, but like you say, grief comes in waves.
Quote 0 0
William
Sunshineambi:
I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. Some people are not supportive of grief at all.
For what ever negative or insensitive things are said you certainly don't need to listen to them. I would get up and walk away. I probably wouldn't go back for quite some time.
This is a painful time as you grieve if people can't be supportive you have the right to tell them.
I have one friend who is not very supportive as it's been two months since I lost my 14 year old dog William. She has pets, she's lost pets, but has obviously never loved to the same degree. I know she loves her pets. But if she can't see my pain she doesn't understand my level of loss. So, we hardly talk anymore and that's fine. When I'm done grieving I hope we can pick up the pieces and move forward with our friendship. But, if not... lesson learned for me regarding true friends.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry for your sadness over someone's insensitivity.
I wish you well with your new baby coming.
Let your emotions out.
Kim
💕🐾❤️🌈
Kim
Quote 0 0
Eileennellie
I think you are right, she just doesnt know how to deal with this sort of thing. I have meant well but said the wrong thing man times in my life. And it's hard being pregnant and losing a beloved pet at the same time. I worry that my consistent sadness and crying will have a negative impact on my baby. I am 21 weeks now, and it has forced me to take better care of myself after losing Dobie than I would have otherwise. I would talk to your partner, but just about how you are feeling and see what he thinks about talking to his family member. If he thinks she is behaving this way on purpose, maybe you could just avoid her until some more time has passed? It is true that your cat would want you to take care of yourself first and foremost, they always just want us to be happy.❤️
Quote 0 0
Sunshineambi
Thanks so much for your kind and supportive comments. I think once my partner points out that her comments are hurtful she will stop making them.
Sorry to hear about your loss of Dobie eileenellie, it's really difficult to manage the grieving process when you are pregnant, but I have found this support site among other to be really helpful and I would also recommend writing your thoughts down in a diary, that really helped me to process the loss. Xx
Quote 0 0
Marie123
You're not being overly sensitive. You're going through a hard time right now. This person has a cat too and should understand. I'm sure if she were in your position shed feel the same. People are weird. Take some time away from her, let your grief run its course. I've had friends say some odd things to me these last few months I've been grieving for Raven. That's why I came to this forum to begin with. It's normal to feel like you're doing well coping and then bang it doesn't take much to set you back. Some folks just don't know how to deal with someone who's grieving, particularly for a pet they loved a lot. Don't feel bad, let the tears flow, the pain is still there from losing your baby. Hopefully in time this person will come around but in the meantime maybe keep some distance between you.
Take care now, Marie and the crew 🐾
Quote 0 0
Cinderskitty
Sunshineambi
I know losing a young cat can be horrible. I lost my 2 year old Cinders to an autoimmune disease we gave her medicine for 6 months but after that she didn't want to stay anymore. I'm sorry for your loss I know that the little ones are the hardest.💖🐾🐱
Quote 0 0
Marie123
Aawww Cinders is adorable! I'm so sorry you lost her so soon. I've lost cats that young and it's heartbreaking and awful. When they're young like that they should have their whole lives to look forward to and it's so unfair.
Quote 0 0
Sunshineambi
Thankyou for your supportive comments and Cinders was a beauty! I hope you are all okay. Xx
Quote 0 0
Marie123
I'm missing my girl Raven. My bdays in couple weeks and not having her here to celebrate with me is going to be so hard! But also Black Cat Appreciation Day falls on the same day so I'm thinking of doing something special in Raven's honor. I want to give those black cats back some of the joy mine give me (I've got 2 more black ones, Roswell and Dario Argento, whom I love more than myself.) Maybe that will take some of the pain away. All our babies meant the world to us and it does my heart good to know so many animals had and have such loving homes. I didn't realize the extent of it till I joined this forum! Such a great thing!
Hugs to everyone out there,
Marie and the crew 🐱
Quote 0 0