For_Bubby
I just lost my dear little girl Bubble (Bubby to those who loved her), a Maine Coon I've had for over a decade. She died suddenly last night at the ER at midnight of respiratory failure brought on by extremely aggressive cancer (that hadn't even been present not a year ago). Nobody, including my regular vet, knew she had it. I only knew when the ER vet x-rayed her when I brought her in after she started showing clears signs of extreme distress. She died just moments after the x-rays, not seconds after they had put her on oxygen to try to help her.

I'm a disabled veteran who spends most of his time alone when my roommate isn't around and Bubby was my constant companion. She was the bright light that came with me from a long but failed marriage and painful divorce. She was there with me through some of my darkest hours and my own terrible illness, always by my side purring and demonstrating her unconditional love for me. She grew ill last year of a different illness, but with time, work, and money I was able to rehabilitate her and give her one more mostly healthy, happy year with me.

Now she is gone and my heart is all but hollowed out. The room we shared feels so empty and lifeless now without her.

She was the most gentle, affectionate, intelligent, loyal, well-behaved cat I've ever known, and my life is diminished without her. I'm in the first 24 hours without her and my pain and sorrow are almost more than I can endure.

So I write this post here to memorialize my sweet baby as I sit here crying, surrounded by reminders of her life and the love she brought into mine.

I'll never forget her, and my love for her will be evergreen. I'd give anything to hold my fat, furry little darling again.

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I miss her so much. I didn't expect to lose her last night. It was so sudden, and my heart is broken.

It's all the worse because she died just moments before I could say goodbye to her. I so wish I could have held her and said goodbye.

At least I know she'll suffer no more.

To her fuzzy little soul I quote this song:

Alter Bridge - "Blackbird"

The willow it weeps today
A breeze from the distance is calling your name
Unfurl your black wings and wait
Across the horizon, it's coming to sweep you away
It's coming to sweep you away

[Chorus:]
Let the wind carry you home
Blackbird fly away
May you never be broken again

The fragile cannot endure
The wrecked and the jaded a place so impure
The static of this cruel world
Cause some birds to fly long before they've seen their day
Long before they've seen their day

[Chorus:]
Let the wind carry you home
Blackbird fly away
May you never be broken again

Beyond the suffering you've known
I hope you find your way
May you never be broken again

Ascending you'll find no resistance
Know that you've made such a difference
All you leave behind will live to the end
The cycle of suffering goes on
But memories of you stay strong
Someday I too will fly and find you again

[Chorus:]
Let the wind carry you home
Blackbird fly away
May you never be broken again

Beyond the suffering you've known
I hope you find your way
May you never be broken again
May you never be broken again

In loving memory of Bubble - 4/25/15

Daddy will never stop loving you my baby.

-Bryan
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nebiolth
I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for your comfort during this time of grieving.
I believe that some day, when the Lord calls us home, we will be able to be reunited
with our loved pets.
With sympathy,
 Tom
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tuxtails
I am so sorry for your loss of Bubble, what a beautiful cat. I know that this is a difficult time for you, the first couple of weeks are extremely painful. That was a sweet tribute to your companion, I am sure she loved this. This is a caring forum where you will be comforted and you are not alone. I am hoping for healing and peace to come your way. I lost my Tux three weeks ago and I miss him so such. Our companions bring us so much joy and really make an impact on our lives.
Toni 
(Tux's Mom)
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For_Bubby
Thank you both for the kind words. Each night so far, when I go to bed, I expect to feel an expected thump as she jumps up onto the bed with me and trots over to take her customary spot right next to me in my arms, but she's not there now. That thump never happens. Her purring and nuzzling me as she curls up next to me never happens.

When I wake up, I see lumps of covers on the bed and expect one of those lumps to be her like it often was, and now it's not. It's just covers. If she wasn't in bed with me when I woke, that same familiar thump would happen and she'd rush up to nuzzle me, lick my hands and arms, and tap on me with her paws. It was her way of saying, "Good morning." The very moment I'd take my first deep breath upon waking, she'd do that. Now it doesn't happen.

It's such a desolate feeling going to sleep to and waking up with that absence.

She'd always follow me around and shove open any door that was between us, or scratch at it if it was fully closed. And she'd voice a loud protest sometimes, once she'd entered, as if she were insulted that the door was in her way. She always wanted to be wherever I was, or at least have access so that she could check on me at her leisure. Now that doesn't happen. I keep expecting "Barging Bubby" to stomp through one of the doors or scratch at it. Now nothing happens.

I'm discovering so many little things that I did, or she did, that I was used to when she was around. Now I find myself doing those things, expecting her to respond, and she's not. Then there's this clutching feeling around my heart when it forces me to acknowledge that she's gone.

My whole daily routine was filled with things I did to accommodate her presence, and things she'd do in mine. Now that's over, and the change is like a knife twisting in my heart each time the difference is noticed.

I see her dishes, her litter box, her uneaten bags of food, unused bag of litter. So many reminders of her. I had to stow her food dish because I couldn't stand the sight of it sitting there with the food I know she'll never eat in it. Same for her water dish. She was always so happy when I'd rinse it and fill it with fresh water.

Much of the supplies will go to my roommate so that his cat can have them. Other things will go to my friend Kim's cat shelter, but I'd move heaven and Earth to have Bubby back to use them.

I'll probably adopt a new kitty from Kim's shelter some day, but I can't yet. I have to recover, and come to terms with the loss of my "Bubs" (I had so many nicknames for her).
In loving memory of Bubble - 4/25/15

Daddy will never stop loving you my baby.

-Bryan
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For_Bubby
Just a few years ago, I lost her playmate and roommate Booger.

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I've grown weary of loss. But I gave them as much happiness and love as I could. At least, while they were in my life, they were cherished, pampered, loved, and protected as much as a human could do for them.
In loving memory of Bubble - 4/25/15

Daddy will never stop loving you my baby.

-Bryan
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ahartofilis
Hello, I am very sorry for your loss of Bubby. She is really a beauty. I love her expressive eyes. I got very emotional reading your post. I know that nothing can take the pain away right now. I feel through your words how very much you loved her and what a great companion she was. You are not alone here. Most of us know the grief that follows after loosing such a treasured companion. I hope that you find comfort here. It helps to share with others that understand.
  I also wanted to mention that your song "Blackbird" is beautiful and also one of my favorites. I have listened to the voice of Myles Kennedy over and over these past few month's.  My canine companion, Coco, left this earthly life this past December. It has been a tough road. She had bone cancer and from her diagnosis I had 3 weeks left with her. I never saw it coming. She was 10 yrs. old. I understand how you feel about the suddenness of things. It is shocking and devastating. Yet regardless of the circumstances I don't think we are ever really ready to let them go.
    My thoughts are with you today......................take care..................Sincerely, Andrea.  
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For_Bubby
ahartofilis wrote:
Hello, I am very sorry for your loss of Bubby. She is really a beauty. I love her expressive eyes. I got very emotional reading your post. I know that nothing can take the pain away right now. I feel through your words how very much you loved her and what a great companion she was. You are not alone here. Most of us know the grief that follows after loosing such a treasured companion. I hope that you find comfort here. It helps to share with others that understand.
  I also wanted to mention that your song "Blackbird" is beautiful and also one of my favorites. I have listened to the voice of Myles Kennedy over and over these past few month's.  My canine companion, Coco, left this earthly life this past December. It has been a tough road. She had bone cancer and from her diagnosis I had 3 weeks left with her. I never saw it coming. She was 10 yrs. old. I understand how you feel about the suddenness of things. It is shocking and devastating. Yet regardless of the circumstances I don't think we are ever really ready to let them go.
    My thoughts are with you today......................take care..................Sincerely, Andrea.  


Thanks. My condolences to you as well for your loss. No we never really are ready to let them go. If only they could endure as long as we do.

I did love her. With the absolute fullness of my heart, I adored her. I'll be glad when I've healed beyond the point where the memory of her doesn't cause that painful twinge of loss and simply becomes a gentle ache of regret and warm, loving fondness and gratitude for her sharing her love with me. And the pride that comes from knowing I gave her a happy, loved, safe life for as long as I could.

I'm not to that point yet, and my eyes still mist up at the thought of her.

I have to retrieve her body for her final resting place tonight, and that will be hard. Knowing it's her body, but that the light of her sweet spirit is gone from it is hard to accept.

But she's at peace now, and I'll try to learn to be too. In time.


In loving memory of Bubble - 4/25/15

Daddy will never stop loving you my baby.

-Bryan
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DanaD
Bubby, I know the feeling of losing our furry friends as I lost my cat of 13yrs a week and a half ago. He died in a matter of three days and I am very much heart broken. This site is wonderful and everyone here knows what you are going through. We don't realize all of the little things until they are gone and our daily routines now don't make sense. We will go through all of these different emotions but know that your beloved friend loved you!
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For_Bubby
Just retrieved her body, heavy with the weight of death. Lacking the lightness and warmth of living. It's a bleak, desolate feeling sitting her where she'll spend her last night before she's laid to rest. But at least some part of her is here, with me, to be at peace in a place where we meant so much to each other.

But it still hurts so much more than I can explain in words.

I miss her so very much.

When she lived it seemed like my heart was so full to bursting with love for her that I could never hold her, stroke her, kiss her, and hug her enough to express it all. And she soaked up every bit of it and returned the same with nuzzling, and purring, and licking my hand. I'd hold her in my lap and she'd wedge her head up against my hand and stay that way for minutes or pet herself with my hand until I started scratching and stroking her head again, and she'd lick my hand some more in return. I'd hug her close and kiss her head and say every sweet thing to her that came to mind.

She loved to be touched, and hugged, and held in my lap, or in bed laying near me. She'd sit in front of me until I picked her up and put her in my lap, or hop on my bed and stare at me kneading the covers and purring loud until I would relent and join her. I'd lay with her and rub her belly, head, and chin, and hold her little paws as she'd gently grasp my fingers, and she'd purr, nuzzle, lick, and roll over for more. She'd reach out and touch me when I stopped, and even drag my hand back to her,

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Nothing can ease the pain of her loss but time, but sharing her life here helps me celebrate all we had together.
In loving memory of Bubble - 4/25/15

Daddy will never stop loving you my baby.

-Bryan
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For_Bubby
DanaD wrote:
Bubby, I know the feeling of losing our furry friends as I lost my cat of 13yrs a week and a half ago. He died in a matter of three days and I am very much heart broken. This site is wonderful and everyone here knows what you are going through. We don't realize all of the little things until they are gone and our daily routines now don't make sense. We will go through all of these different emotions but know that your beloved friend loved you!


Sorry for your loss. If only we could keep them with us always. My heart too is broken. I sometimes think it a tragedy that we live so much longer than our furry children. Why must their lives be so much shorter when their love is so much more pure and unconditional?
In loving memory of Bubble - 4/25/15

Daddy will never stop loving you my baby.

-Bryan
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