Blackdog

It was too sudden.  My sweet black Lab/Shep was being treated for chronic ear infection and vestibular syndrome then all of the sudden he's suffered massive internal hemoraghing from a tumor on the spleen.  I am just sick that he had to die scared and in pain... I am haunted by it.  And I just can't endure that he is gone.  He was my best friend throughout years of horrible trials - divorce, autism, single parenting, illness, lost house.  It was so difficult, but I always had Max to snuggle up with at night and it made everything alright.  How does one endure the agony of this loss?  The memories are everywhere.  I miss him and want to think of him, but then I explode into heaves of crying.  I was haunted by dreams last night and am scared to sleep.  He appeared in my dreams, but then I wake up and remember that he's gone.  My eyes are so swollen I can barely see.  I just want him back.  I know you all feel the same way.  Lisa

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judylinn

Lisa, I am so sorry about your loss. I lost my lab Maddie, and felt the same way that you do. it is sheer agony at first. There really is no way around it other than letting the grief and tears and anger if you have it, at losing your prescious baby. The memories everywhere are hard right now, but in time it will get better. this is so raw right now. when we love that deep, it hurts when they pass, his spirit is around you still, continue to send him love in his passing, and recieve his love back. We will be here to help you through this. I spent every single night here on the site sobbing and sobbing. I also went to the live chat, when I needed someone there right now. it's on the site as well. I will send you prayers and love. Judy :)

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cleonora

Lisa, I am new to the site so I did not see this earlier.  The initial grief can be overwhelming.  It is okay to feel anguish at losing such a wonderful friend.  Our companions are sometimes the only constant source of love and unquestioning devotion in our lives.  They are there for our good times and our bad times so there are many memories to go through.  Remember that Max knew that you loved him. Know that eventually the pain will subside.  I can't tell you when (I am not there yet) because it is different for everyone.  Meanwhile take care of yourself.

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chipperboy
Lisa,

I know your heart all to well. I, too, lost my baby unexpectedly and he was in pain and I'm sure scared. Due to his age, I knew I would probably lose him within the year, but never did I expect it to be so suddenly. I wasn't prepared for it....both emotionally and mentally. It was hell. That is the only way to describe it. I wanted to hold him, kiss him and know that he was there. I would bawl and scream I wanted my dog back. He was my buddy....he was my constant in life. I couldn't believe that the world would not stop and grieve with me! I thank God for this forum! It gave me a place to talk about whatever I was feeling and KNOW that the people who spoke back actually UNDERSTOOD and validated my love for Chipper. We are here for you and will be with you every step of the way. You may have let go of the paw of your best friend for now, but we are here to hold it with you until you see him again.

Judylinn is right. The only way through this nightmare is to let it out. Do what you need to do to get through that moment. Because that is all you can do....just get through the moment.

I'm almost a month out now. I'm not going to lie....I still cry and even bawl sometimes. I miss that little boy like CRAZY! But I know he is happy, whole and he still loves me.....just as much as I love him. I know without a doubt that I will see him again when my time comes.

There is light in this dark tunnel....we are here for each other and will help you through this grieving process.

Chipper's Mom

Momma's Chipper Boy (9/19/95 - 1/30/11) My heart, my love, my buddy! I miss you and love you so, so much! I can't wait to see you at the bridge! Love, Mommy

Lady "Ladybugs" (8/2/03 - 6/5/17) My sweet girl. Thanks for the walks, playtime, sock collection, boo boo kisses and love you gave all of us. We will miss you dearly! Until we meet again...we love you!
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creampuff

Lisa and Friends, we all know the deepest grief and despair, we've been through it.  The early days are the hardest, so difficult to get through them, but it does get a little easier in time, you have to believe that.  I am so grateful for this site, this forum, because it connects us "parents" who have lost their companions, their soulmates, and brings comfort to our broken hearts.  Lisa, I hope that your wonderful memories of the time you had with your little furry boy will get you through the days ahead.  I hope that you can feel his angel spirit hovering above you now.  He's happy and well and you will see him again someday.  I know this to be true, for I will see my two babies on the rainbow bridge when it's my time to go.  You're in my thoughts and prayers.  Jane

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4myStanley
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your dog.  I know how you feel.  I lost my baby last month and I'm still struggling with it.  Like you, he helped me through so much in my life as I became ill when he was 3 years old. 

It was shear agony in the first few weeks.  I'm still struggling with it and still think of him all the time.  It takes alot of time I suppose.
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Blackdog

I am so grateful for the encouragement, even as your own hearts ache.  Thank you for sharing the stories of your precious ones.  I think you are right about allowing the tears to flow.  It is cleansing and healing.  Lisa

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Polly
Hello everyone, when we lose our precious companions, the pain is indescribable and we're in such a black hole that we despair we'll ever see the light again.

I felt compelled to write as I so remember what you are all currently enduring. I suffered the devastating loss of my beautiful cat almost 16 months ago and I literally didn't know which way to turn for months. Then I found this site and it was such a godsend for me. Reading others heartbreaking posts was hard, yes...but what I found was understanding, love and a sense of belonging. No one judged, no one told me to 'get a grip'. Everyone accepted that what I was feeling was real, and they all shared my grief. That is what helped me come to terms with Casper's death.

This is a wonderful place, with wonderful people who will help you back on the road to recovery. It won't be easy, I won't lie, but you WILL get there.

Polly x    
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moonglow
Hi Polly,
I'm sorry for the loss of your dear Casper. I'm still struggling with the loss of my cat Archie 12/13/10. I have been feeling so bad about euthanizing him even though the Drs did not think he was going to recover from IBD/cancer. They think his IBD became cancer. I had to go for a mastectomy on 12/15th and I'm feeling guilty that I did not postpone it (there was no body to keep giving him pills) and taking care of him. Maybe Archie would have survived. He'd been so sick for 12 days not eating or drinking and with medications and fluids he started to eat and drink but was not out of the woods yet as he threw up and did not eat the last day. He lost over 1 pound in those last 12 days. I listened to the vets and I still second guess myself. Now I'm looking back and hindsight is 20/20. I was under a lot of pressure having had 2 surgeries and facing another. I wish I could go back and change the fact that I did not postpone it but at the time it did not seem like an option. I have to let this go, it's making life intolerable. I even called the vets and had 3 seperate conversations with them telling me I did the right thing, he would of had to be euthanized in the following week. I was sparing him suffering but also putting my illness first I guess. For a while I felt I accepted it but then I'll start going over everything again and again trying to solve something that can never be solved. How do I get rid of this guilt or will I have it for ever? 
Kim
I love you my dearest and sweetest little boy "Archie"
I'll be there my little soft baby!
10/27/00 - 12/13/10
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Domina

Please try and stay strong. Grief is so overwhelming and can sneak up on you when you least expect it. Lean on your friends and family for support. Come to The Bridge. Here, I have always found someone who will listen and shares my sorrow. Try and keep the happy memories of your baby in your heart. I know it's hard. I was just putting some kitchen towels away and found my Sheba's "place mats". I always had her food/water bowls on pretty place mats that matched the season. It broke my heart and I was reduced to tears.

Just take it one day at a time.

 

“Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened.”  Anatole France

 

 

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moonglow
Thank you Domina for your encouragement. I understand your feelings when you found Sheba's placemats and how sad it makes you. Archie's placemats are up on a shelf and when I see them I'm the same way. Seeing his toothbrush, combs, and anything like that can be heart wrenching. I'll take it one day at a time like you said. Anymore is unthinkable right now. God bless. My prayers are with you and Sheba.
Kim

I love you my dearest and sweetest little boy "Archie"
I'll be there my little soft baby!
10/27/00 - 12/13/10
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Polly
Moonglow, my heart goes out to you because deciding to have a beloved pet euthanised is just about the most impossible and harrowing thing to endure, and in the early stages it is hard to break through the guilt to reach the realisation that because you loved your pet so much, you needed to end their suffering. What more selfless act of love can there possibly be?!  

As Domina said, take it one day at a time and concentrate on your thoughts and feelings for that one day. Talk about your sweet Archie as much as you feel able to with like-minded people, they will help you on the path to acceptance. I'm so sorry you're in pain, please know my thoughts are with you.

Polly x
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moonglow
Hi Polly,
Thank you for your condolences. I read your posts and see that you lost your dear cat and went through the same as I did with Archie. I'm sorry for your loss too. It really helps to hear that you are feeling better.  I am finding some peace here  regarding my decision for Archie and it's because of you and the others here taking the time to reach out. Thanks & God bless.
Kim

I love you my dearest and sweetest little boy "Archie"
I'll be there my little soft baby!
10/27/00 - 12/13/10
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Reilly
Dear Blackdog, I know exactly how you feel. That gives me comfort but also makes me so sad because I don't want anyone to have to go through this.

This place is such a Godsend.
Reilly, I will love you forever. I will see you at the Rainbow Bridge.
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Woodypatty
Lisa,   I just wanted to send you a note to tell you I am thinking of you. I am so sorry for your loss of Max. The pain of the first weeks is almost unbearable. I wanted to bargain with God to bring my girl back to me.So many tears yet I know all this pain was worth the love I had with my girl. Time will ease your pain and I hope that coming here help if only a little. I remember my first dream of my girl. I woke up sobbing. Now when I dream of her I feel privileged and such a sweet sadness.It does get better. One day at a time. Sometimes one moment at a time. May you find some peace in this day.
                                                                                                   Patty
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