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Ginger4256

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Reply with quote  #16 
Thank you. Raw is the word. I miss my boy so much
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Boo' s mommy
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ChronicallyAce

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Reply with quote  #17 
I know I said it when I replied to you in my thread, but I truly am sorry about Boo. It sounds like he was a really special boy. I've been going through the same thing, wondering if my boy Dante knew how much I loved him. It's much easier to tell how much our furry babies love us than it is to know how much they understand. But I am sure Dante knew how much I loved him, and I'm sure your Boo did, too.
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Dante
3/19/2013 - 5/4/2018
You are gone, my special boy, but I will love you forever. R.I.P.
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Ginger4256

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Reply with quote  #18 
Thanks, he was my life and I've just had my 3rd sleepless night without him. I miss him terribly. Here he is minutes before he left .

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Ginger4256

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Reply with quote  #19 
I'm sitting here trying my best to feel better and just can't see it happening anytime soon.  In bed when I can't sleep, I think.  I haven't gotten to the point of thinking about happy time, only Boo's last day.  I try not to feel guilty, and am thankful that I left work and got home in time to be with him when he crossed over, but why didn't I just stay home that day?  He was here from 10-1230 alone and if I had been here, he would not have been all alone.  When I walked in, he was sitting on the floor and wagged that tail for me.  I knew he was suffering.  I did not have any idea that he would die that day.  If I had known, I would not have taken him to the vet, I would have stayed home and held his little body in my arms.  I just wish there was a way to realize I did the right thing.  I took him to the park, his favorite place besides home in bed with me and he died there.  Minutes after I took his picture of his beautiful face, he was done.    I kept telling him to just hold on, we would be to the park soon, after the vet told me there was no hope.  He sat on the blanket with me for a minute and just walked a few steps to sit in the grass.  He loved sitting in the grass and it was cool on his beaten little body.  Boo was on steroids for the last year of his life to control a horrible horrible disease - perianal fistulas.  It is rare for a little dog to have.  It's a german shepard dog disease but my baby had it and he suffered with it for years until the vet put him on low dose predisone.  There was no other choice.  Believe me, I tried everything. 
 
We had 11 1/2 years together  I took care of him better than I took care of myself.  I just want to believe that when he died, he knew I love him and would never do anything to hurt him.  Seriously, he was my child.  We lived together for 11 years and he knew me better than I know myself I think.

I had to write this morning.  It doesn't matter why, I just had to get this down.  Holding it in is driving me crazy.  Nobody understands unless they have had it happen to them and then only if they have had such a close relationship with their fur baby.  We were together.  Now we aren't. 

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kittysmum

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Reply with quote  #20 
I can't say anything that will make it better but thinking of you today
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Ginger4256

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Reply with quote  #21 
Thanks
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Ginger4256

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Reply with quote  #22 
First day to return to work. I still am a mess. Can I make it Boo? I'll try for you ole boy
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Bayley

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Reply with quote  #23 
Hi Ginger  I know how difficult it is going on with the mundane duties of your life when your beloved pet is no longer with you.  You truly expect the world to come to a stop to recognize the incredible loss and yet it goes on.   And each day that passes is another day removed from the life you had together, and that is painful too because you want that life back.  
All the firsts - first time coming home and he's not there, first time going to bed and he's not there, first evening sitting on the sofa and he's not there - you truly feel life is tormenting you -   and you are right in that there are very few people if any that you can talk to about how you really feel - I think that was the hardest for me.   Here I am going through one of the most difficult times of my life, not knowing how to get through each day, and no one in my family or social circle seems to "get it".   So Ginger I do know exactly what you are going through, the what ifs, the guilt, the sorrow, pain, anger and loneliness -  I am going through it now too.   I think just knowing that there are others who feel what you are feeling, and loved their pets the way you loved Boo should provide some comfort because you realize you are not alone.    In time you will focus more on all the years you had with him, the good times, the funny times, and the difficulty of the final hours will fade -  he was so much more than those final hours wasn't he?   Thats whats important to remember.   
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Ginger4256

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Reply with quote  #24 
Bayley, thank you so much for your words of comfort.  This is the reason I came to this forum.  Because, yes, people say they are sorry and that they understand, but they don't "get it" at all.   Yes, he was so much more but right now I can't concentrate on anything.  I hate that anyone here has to feel this pain.  I just know that it helps to have others telling their stories and just knowing that I am not the only one feeling this way.  My daughter gets married on Saturday.  I have to travel to Atlanta on Thursday.  And I am, I hate to say this, thankful that if Boo had to go, it didn't happen while I was away.  I would have never seen him alive again.  I know I would have gone absolutely out of my mind had that happened.   I am so sorry that you are going through this.  I know how much you hurt right now.  
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Shark88

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Reply with quote  #25 
Hold your head up and place your faith in God that Boo is now in God's Animal Kingdom drinking from the rivers of living water.   God created and cares very much about animals. 
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BoxerVon

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Reply with quote  #26 
Hi Ginger, I feel your pain & broken heart.. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby boy on Jan 4th, and it still feels like it was yesterday. I truly have never in my life had such shear grief & sadness, my heart physically hurts for him. He & I were a team, he went everywhere I did. He knew me, and I knew him better than any human. I am so sorry, and I do wish you the best, you are in my prayers. I can't say how long you will grieve, everyone is diff. But you sound like myself, & Ginger I still grieve over my precious boy daily. Grieve as long as you need to and try to remember all the memories you made with your boy. Remember all the fun, silly things abt him. I wish you the best!
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BoxerVon

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Reply with quote  #27 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ginger4256
Thanks, he was my life and I've just had my 3rd sleepless night without him. I miss him terribly. Here he is minutes before he left .
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BoxerVon

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Reply with quote  #28 
He is beautiful! I so hate that you are going through this, as I can relate to the RAW pain. My baby boy slept with me every nite, and my world revolved around him from when I got him at 6 wks to the moment he passed our bed when he was 8yrs.. He was fine and the next thing that I know he wouldn't move and he passed. I still feel so empty without him. Whatever your feelings are, they are legitimate and real.. I hope you find a lil peace hon
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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #29 
Boo's Mommy,
What a cute cute boy you had. I am so so sorry for your loss. Thank you for posting on my forum a few days ago. I just had to come over here and read your story. It's beautiful. My boy died in my arms, under his conditions too. It was the worst day of my life. That was 5 months ago. It does get a bit less painful. But it takes time to get adjusted to life without them. They really are our kids.

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NelsonsMom

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Reply with quote  #30 
Dear Ginger. I know how you feel, and it's been 2 weeks since my little boy passed and my heart still feels like it was ripped from my chest. Like you, I had to medicate him, and he was on Prednisone as well. I tried my hardest to keep him comfortable and healthy enough to spend more time with us. But now I have feelings of guilt of possibly letting him suffer. I just couldn't bear the thought of putting him down. He was like my child of 12 yreas, and I have no children. So I think our bonds we're similar with our dogs. Nelly even knew my clothes, and he knew what I wore to the park It was his absolute favorite place to go too.
I know how your feeling, your not alone. Your feelings are normal, and this is a great place to write and let out your feelings. May you find some peace and comfort tonight.
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