4 years ago, my beloved baby girl named Roxy passed away from cancer. And here I am 4 years later, still crying every night over that tremendously heart breaking loss. I feel guilty, and that it was all my fault that she is now gone. I only had her for 7 years. We had to put her down as was in an extremely painful condition. I believe that if I had taken her to more vet appointments she would still be with me to this day. I loved her so much and still do, and think about her everyday. Since then, I adopted a cat 2 years ago, and just recently adopted a puppy. This has been a huge step for me in my life. My cat and dog have helped me so much, and I take them to regular vet appointments twice every month. I know that is a bit over the top, but I have to. I feel that if I don't, the same thing will happen to them. How do I work through all of this guilt? Help me.
Quote 0 0
hi and please do not let guilt consume your thoughts. What you will never know is that you "could have" or "should have" thoughts, you would never know what would have happened back when you thought you should have taken her to the vet, you don't know if you did take her she still could have had the same results. Guilt is a very bad thing that consumes alot of us. This may be a reason why you feel this way after 4 years, your letting guilt get the best of you.

Of course we all would love to have our pets around forever, i too went thru the guilt, saying i should have taken her to the vet sooner, I should have done "this or that". Unfortuneatly that will not bring any of our babies back.

Please know you did what you had to for your beloved Roxie, at the time, you did what was best for her, you loved her beyond what words can say.

I am glad you adopted 2 cats, and recently a puppy, let your heart grow larger for the love for them, and know that your Roxy now is in a peaceful place called the Rainbow Bridge.

Wishing you peace and comfort....



Quote 0 0
I'm still coping with the same difficulty and it's wearing me out mentally and even more so physically. If you read the topic that I recently wrote here, you'll know more about my story and what happened. Like yourself, compared to most pet parents, I very rarely brought my pooch to the vet. Most of my pet parenting experience came from when I was a kid with small pets, so this is the first pet I've had who is large and the first pet I've had in my adult years. Thus, most of my experience with veterinarians is from witnessing the experiences of others around me, such as friends, acquaintances, relatives, people online, news stories, etcetera.

I've heard too many negative stories through the years and I believed in taking more of an organic approach to pet health, much like I do with my own health. Yes, I think there is a place for conventional medicine, though I do think many people rely on it too much for their pets and for themselves.

With that all said though, again like many other real examples, there are pros and cons, and, many other variables and intangibles. Some vegetarians get cancer and some junkfood eaters live to a hundred. I've been to the doctor once in the past twenty years and I look like I'm in my twenties, my pooch is the same. Genetics sometimes play a factor and so too does nutrition or environment, sometimes catching potential problems early on, too. However, sometimes it doesn't make a difference.

In my situation, after years of not consistently bringing my pooch to the vet, he started to have some health concerns. I thought he may've injured himself because he had symptoms of a dislocated hip. So, I brought him in to the vet. They said he's geriatric and has arthritis, and after doing some blood tests, they said his bloodwork results were like that of a pooch half his age. Within the next six months he passed from prostate cancer, which is pretty much untreatable.

They misdiagnosed the arthritis. The fact that he was geriatric didn't surprise me, although it was difficult for me to hear it coming from a vet clinic who sees hundreds of animals per week.

Where I feel really guilty, is that for weeks in between I felt compelled to get second opinions, yet I balked due to stubborness and from being afraid of exposing my pooch to potential veterinary negligence and unnecessary stress. If he was younger then yes most certainly I would've been more proactive. Though, due to his age and due to what his ailment was, it really wouldn't made a difference. It does continue to hurt me though because I didn't know what the ailment was until the day that he passed. If I would've brought him to another vet during those in between weeks while I was caring for his needs holistically, I would've known what his ailment was and I could've at least provided more care geared towards that. In hindsight maybe it's better that I didn't know because I may have possibly tried haplessly to get his problem cured or at least bide some more time, thus causing him unnecessary treatments that would add even more pain. I don't know that for sure though so that's where my guilt comes from and that's a huge source of why I continue to feel guilty.

You're smart though for bringing your current pets to the vet for at least regular diagnostic testing. I would highly recommend that, although I would also highly recommend that you not allow them to give your pets unnecessary vaccines and such. Take a minimalistic approach with things though still go for testing. Even though regular testing does not always show problems until they've already manifested past a certain point, it's still a very minimally invasive and very intelligent schedule.

Insofar as the guilt is concerned, I rely on my faith. I'll say some prayers for your pets and for you. I recommend reading the Bible scriptures that are here on this website. They will grant comfort and reassurance. There is a link that's on the same page where there are links to these forums and chatrooms. If you need more support please contact me whenever you like.
Quote 0 0
I am sorry for the anxiety and sorrow you are feeling. I still miss my girl, Misty -every single day and she passed almost 4 years ago too, (June 2012) Missing them never goes away. Even though we may fill our days with love and care for others, there will always be a special sacred place in the Heart for our love for them, and sometimes a poignancy and a few tears . That will never 'go away'.

One of the things I really feel about our animal companions is that they come to help us to do better in life and to learn things about ourselves and about unconditional love for others. I know I learned as I went along too. I made mistakes with my other dog who lived with me in the 80s and 90s. I vowed not to make the same mistakes with Misty.
Yet of course, there were a handful of times I know I made a mistake. I didn't beat myself up about it but vowed to move on and learn from her love and loyalty. Each time I made a mistake it was a smaller one....
We are here to learn from the errors we make and to move forward into a better way of living, and they come to help us with their unconditional love. They show us they will love us no matter that we are not perfect, and they hold not one grudge against us for our mistakes, because they see the stronger thing underneath all that; the love we have for them in our hearts. They are not stupid. They are masters of unconditional love.
And I believe it is that love which is the thing that helps us to grow.

But what your girl would not want, is that you should live in fear and anxiety. Where she is now she is filled with love. You may not be able to sense her, but it's true.
What I say next is hard I know, but she would want you to know that death is not really a death at all. but a crossing-over into spiritual reality. That doesn't stop us missing them here! I know my girl is fine and full of love, but I still miss her every day trotting along beside me etc.
But the best they can do from where they are is let us know their love has not died, and they really want us to find some place in the heart to rise up and smile with them and send out our love -not live in fear.

But my heart goes out to you because I do know what it feels like to miss my girl, even after 4 years (and I know I will for the rest of my life.)

But....unless the pets you have now have medical issues which need close monitoring, they do not need to visit the vet twice a month. Once every three months should be fine to keep an eye on their health. Be careful and thoughtful but try not to let anxiety rule you.

Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer

Misty's life after death:
Quote 0 0
Hi It was 4 years for me that I loss my Beni ,My baby on March 28th. There still is that ache in my heart for her. I still have guilt at time too ,things I wish I had done differently but time keep going by .I miss her so. My heart go out to you .
Quote 0 0
Maya   I am also struggling with guilt.  I should have taken My Winston to the vet more often myself.  But he was fine, up until the last week and a few days.  I attributed most of it to old age, He was 12.  All the "shoulda" woulda" echo in my mind daily.  I know I did the right thing for him now.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  Because if Love could have saved any of our animals in here, we wouldn't be here.  Blessings Sue
Quote 0 0
My guilt is terrible at the moment. It has been almost 3 months without my Cody and it feels like an eternity and also feels weird like he was just here and should still be here. He passed away right after surgery to remove his spleen since his mast cell cancer spread to his spleen. We had tumors removed from his skin a year earlier and it just pains me that he had to go through that surgery and I feel guilty like what if we missed a bump or something and thats why it came back so quick. He was 12 which in this day in age is too young in my opinion for a cat. It is like a 60 year old human dying----yes it happens way too frequently but it SHOULDNT----I was hoping he would make it to at least 80 in human years. 
Quote 0 0