Stevie
Hi guys. I'm new here. Not quite sure where else to turn. I don't think the people around me are understanding my grief at the moment.

I live in a  house with my Mother and many animals. I'm 27 but live here to look after Mum as she suffers with agoraphobia and her marriage has been pretty turbulent lately. We have 6 cats (most of them are rescued) and we did have 3 dogs (two westies and a chocolate lab).  Buffy, the oldest Westie was 10 years old. She had a skin condition and also a condition in her eyes called 'Dry Eye'. She aged very quickly and it broke my heart when she eventually went blind. We cared for her everyday with various meds and cleaning her eyes out. She hated it.

Despite all of this, she was still a very loving, affectionate, happy go lucky dog. She was the heart of this house.

On Friday night, which was just another ordinary night, at 11:pm I heard her making a strange noise in the kitchen. My Mum yelled upstairs 'I think there's something wrong with Buffy'. When I got downstairs, Buffy was stood, scared to move and her tummy was HUGE. It had bloated so much, it was scary. I could tell she was in so much pain. We tried to comfort her and immediately called an emergency vets. We couldn't pick her up as her stomach was so big, I didn't wanna rick causing her further discomfort, so we took the top of a cat basket and she slowly stepped in and layed down straight away.  I ran her to the car, covered her in a blanket (it's snowing and freezing here) and we set off. For the whole journey, I had my hand under her head and was petting her, but then, about 5 minutes before we got to the vets, her breathing became shallow, and then she was gone. She died in my arms in so much pain, so suddenly and I'm finding it very hard to cope, as is my Mother.

The vet looked at her body and suspected that she had a twisted stomach. I can't help but feel that if we'd have known, maybe given her a liquid diet, or smaller dog biscuits or something, this might never have happened.

I think about it as soon as I wake up, I can't keep my food down, and the other Westie is missing her terribly.  Sorry that I wrote so much, I just needed to talk. We have no closure yet as we're picking her body up tomorrow and gonna bury her in the garden. I've also bought a 'Name your own unique Rose' pack to plant at her grave. Buffy's pedigree name was 'Princess Winter Wolds', so the rose will have the same name.

Now I keep wondering where her spirit is. Is ishe with us in the house, is she with her body, or is she still in the car where she died?  I just need some peace by knowing that she's resting in peace, but with how sudden and unexpected that it happened, I just don't feel like she's at rest. With everything she went through in life with her conditions, she didn't deserve to leave us in so much pain. I hope she knew I was holding her as she died. I miss her so much.

Love you Buffy, always. xxxxx



http://www.facebook.com/steviemooreofficial
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lizzi123
What a terrible experience for you and your Mom.
I am so sorry.

Buffy's spirit isn't in the car.
It's not at the vet's.
It's not in her body.She doesn't need it anymore.

Her spirit is all around those who loved her.
Wait..you'll feel it in unexpected ways.

And she did know you were holding her.

With sympathy,
Liz
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bodukesmom
Hi Steve,
             Im so sorry you and your mother lost your little doggy. I know how hard it is to lose a pet. I just lost my dog of 91/2 years. I think God sends his Angels to take our pets to Heaven. I was worried so much when my dog died too about his spirit. We also buried him in our garden. Its hard to take when we would rather have him here with us. There are many versus in the Bible that talk of God taking care of animals and making it so his creation will last forever. Someday you and your mom will see Buffy again. Greif is a tough thing to take on your own. I hope you will talk about it to people who care. It does help. It will take time before you will feel good again. Dont be afraid to cry. Remember the good memories. Buffy loved you and she was important to you, certainly a loving God will want you to see her again.
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erica212
I am so sorry for your loss. Hope you find some peace in coming here to this site. We all understand your hurt and pain that you are feeling. Come here as much as you need to, the people here are great and will help you get through this.

Hugs to you and your mom,
Erica
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Stevie
Thank you so much for your kind words. You've really helped me.

I just feel extremely overwhelmed right now. My face hurts from crying. 3 days constant. I sleep with her collar in my bed now. People think I'm goin insane. Am I? I think it's just grief. I've recently been off work with the shingles and am due to go back this week, but now, I just can't even bring myself to do anything. I can't eat as I'm losing it as fast as I'm eating it. I don't know what to do.

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Stevie
If she'd gone in her sleep, I could accept this more. It's just the fact that she was fine one minute, then in pain and passed away the next. I'm so lost. I sing and am looking for a song to record and dedicate to her, but none seem good enough. Every song I listen to hurts too. I'm losing it. I'm sorry for going on and on guys. x
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always_tuffy
Stevie,
I am so sorry you and your Mom lost your beautiful friend. I want to reassure you that she knew you were holding her when she passed. It was a true gift of love you gave her in her final moments. You could not possibly have known what was going to happen to her.  As to her spirit, I believe that wherever those who love her are, there her spirit is too.

We all care deeply about you and your loss. You can never share too little or too much.  We listen and understand. Please keep coming back.

Wishing peace to you and your Mom,
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Tuffy, My Puppy Love
June 20, 2005-July 26, 2010

Becky Leigh, Queen of my Heart
December 2010-November 10, 2015
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Stevie
This whole thing just went from bad to worse. We called the vets to pick up Buffy's body today as we wanted to bury her today. The vets LOST Buffy's body. It turns out, a company has picked her body up and is now en-route to Cambridge for cremation. We never said we wanted her cremating!! Luckily, we've caught them in time and they haven't yet cremated her, but they can't return her until Thursday. Meanwhile, my baby is being passed from pillar to post. I just can't believe this mess!
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katysmum
Hi Stevie,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Buffy was lucky to have a wonderful owner like yourself. You know it must be very hard to accept. She was here one second and gone the next. I feel your pain and there is very little to take it away. I've have done a number of things to help me in the past - setting up a little memorial (digital photos and candles), reading books on pet loss and seeing a pet loss counsellor.

We are here to help you. Take care and I hope you get your little girl back soon.

Katysmum 
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Polly
I'm so sorry for your loss. Some people just don't understand the intensity of loss you feel when a beloved pet companion dies. However, it's real grief and should be given the respect it deserves. I also know how very hard it is to come to terms with, especially if your little one is taken so quickly. My heart goes out to you.

What an appalling mix up over Buffy's remains; however I'm relieved for you that you'll soon have her home with you and your mum again, where she belongs.

Give yourself time, and don't try to think or analyse what you're feeling or why you're feeling it. Just grieve for your little friend and, when you need to talk to people who completely understand and can relate to what you're going through, I can think of no better place to be than here.

I hope you find peace.

Polly      
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erica212
Please know that you are not going insane with what you are feeling, so don't let anyone tell you that you are. Most of us were a reck too for the first few days and some of us, like me, are still having a hard time making sense of what happened to our babies. Please know that we all understand your grief and only time will make the grief bearable. It never truely goes away. Everything is so fresh in your mind right now and you just need to grieve, it's as simple as that.
I hope that you can find some peace with it and again I am sorry for your loss,
Erica
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Woodypatty
I'm so sorry you lost your Buffy. I lost my dog Raven suddenly and I understand how you are suffering. The first week is so hard. The nausea, the crying, thinking of your baby all the time. It hits you like a brick as soon as you open your eyes in the morning. Recovery  is slow especially since we loved them so much. However the pain and loss is worth having had that Love. Know that we are listening. Letting out the emotions is cathartic. I wish you some peace in this day.                                                                                       Patty
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