Bearkittysmom

I'm so devistated I don't know how to get through the day. I lost my little Bear Kiity last night. He was only 9, and had sudden renal failure that did not respond to treatment and the vet called and said he was in so much pain.. so he put him to sleep without me being there- I said I didn't want him to suffer. I have so much overwhelming guilt. He was a constant part of my everyday life, so woven into everthing..holidays, birthdays- everthing. The past year for me has been so difficult and now this. Where do I even begin? I moved to a small town and don't know anyone, and my husband thinks my grief is "over the top" I feel so alone. I think my soul is going to weep forever.

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judylinn
I am sooo sorry. I understand that devistating loss. Maddie was my only family. That has to have been very difficult for you to not have been with little Bear Kitty at the end, but he knew that you loved him. you gave him all those years of love.
We all grieve differently, and lots of spouses, both men and women, just don't understand the depth of the grief when you have connected your heart deeply to an animal. Unless a person has, they just don't understand.  You need to allow your grief, in the way you feel it...it is okay to grieve for your beloved baby.  Maybe try and do it privately, where you are free to grieve.
It will take some time, but holding it in isnt the best thing.Don't feel guilty, it was with great love for your kitty that you did this. You would not want him to suffer more.
My maddie had cancer, and though she still wagged her tail, and played, I know she was suffering alot. That was the one thing I did for her that was unselfish...even if it nearly killed me with agony. It's been 6 weeks, and I am just now starting to heal. Be kind to yourself, and gentle.
I would not have made it through this, but for this website. Come here often, we will be here to support you and listen to your grief. we will help you through this.
I came here every night and just sobbed.
there is also, live chat with wonderful people on in real time, that are loving and helpful, and on mondays, there is the most beautiful candle ceremony that you can sign up for in honor of your baby. Hugs to you, and my prayers are with you. when you can, tell us about your special baby.  Judy
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always_tuffy
Dear Bearkittysmom,

I am so sorry you have lost your Bear Kitty.  Let me assure you, your pain is not only real, but valid.  Any emotions you are experiencing now or in the days ahead are NOT OVER THE TOP.  Please don't believe any person who says different.  You have made the right choice by visiting Rainbowbridge.  Here you will find people who really do know how you feel.  You are starting a journey thru what I imagine is uncharted emotional territory.  Let us help you.  

I was not with my friend when he passed.  Dealing with the loss, and with the sadness of not being able to say good by is overwhelming.  Let me assure you, you did the best thing for BearKitty.  You two obviously shared a deep love and unique bond. 

You are in a state of shock.  Be gentle with yourself.  Don't hold back the tears.  You need to cry, you need to grieve your loss.

Post here again when you feel you can.  If you aren't up to sharing with us please read other posts and replies.  You will see words of others who are going thru the same thing and replies by those who care.
Remember - You are not alone.

I'll keep you in my prayers,
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Tuffy, My Puppy Love
June 20, 2005-July 26, 2010

Becky Leigh, Queen of my Heart
December 2010-November 10, 2015
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bc

So sorry you are feeling very sad. The first time I came here 1 week ago, I just thought that I was even to sad to write anything and how silly it was to do this but I really do think it may eventually help me get through my extreme sadness. I can only imagine how terrible it is to feel that you may be alone in your grief but you most definitely are not. You came here! My husband and I are going to get our Johnny's ashes tonight and there are going to be many more tears I know but it hasn't been any different any day this week. The hole I harbor in me aches every day, 1 whole week today, I just don't know how a day can come and go and Johnny isn't here to share it with us. Come back often I come every day, sometimes a couple times, might as well, I'm not able to make much else of my life right now. Good luck to you, I feel for you.

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donnalee
BearKittysMom,
I, too, am so sorry you had to lose your precious little loved one this way.  You did the only thing you could do since she was in pain.  As you read and write here, you will find many others who have felt the same way you now feel.   Yes, there is such an emptiness when they are suddenly gone. They were a huge part of our everyday life.  This is difficult but you will make it.  You may feel alone in your new small town but you are not alone here.  Please come and share with us all about BearKitty when you are ready.  My heart is with you. 
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tikibarb
BearKitty knows that you loved him.  It takes such courage to release our precious babies from their pain.  You did the right thing.  I know you are suffering horribly right now.  I remember the intolerable pain I experienced when I lost my dog Ted.  I am so sorry that you are in such pain.  Just know that you are not alone.  There are many of us here who are helping each work through the pain.  I will say a prayer for your family tonight in hopes it will bring you some solace.
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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Bearkittysmom

Thank you all for your support and sympathy. I truely feel less alone. I cried all night long, Missing his purr next to my pillow. Everything in my house reminds me of him and it so very painful. They called and said hi cremains are ready, I know I'm going to have a meltdown right there at the mortuary. In less than 36 hours I will have lost my Bear kitty and brought him home in a urn. I still can't believe its true. There have been so many changes in my life the last year.. my husband lost his job, we lost our home, we relocated to another town and my daughter went away to college. My daughter doesn't even know yet becuse she's been in Hawaii on vacation and won't be home till today. I have suffered grief before...I lost both my parents and two sisters over the last few years...Bear kitty was the one who heard my thoughts after everyone else stopped listening and was always ready to comfort me when everyone was too busy. I have no family left on my side and my husbands family have always been distanced and too busy to be supportive plus they would say "its only a cat" anyway. He was way more than a cat.. he was my family and my friend and never judged me or criticized me for my thoughts. He was always there. The empty space is unbearable. I don't know how to fill this void. I didn't mean to dump on everyone.. thank your for listening and allowing me to get this off my chest.

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suregrl
Bearkitty
   You made the right decision and let me tell you why.  One of my cats named Simon was not eating and I was told it was due to his teeth. A dental was done and he still lost weight. I decided to get a second opinion and blood work was done.  The results were "kidney failure".  I was told that he was misdiagnosed and to bring him in immediately for hospitalization.  My husband quickly raced Simon over and the vet was putting an IV in when Simon rolled over screamed and went into arrest.  He  had a cardiac arrest that was from kidney failure and the vet put an adrenaline shot right into his heart trying to save him.  Simon died and I want you to know that you spared your cat from such a fate.  My cat died a painful death and I wish I could have spared him.  When we are in grief we want to put blame somewhere and I am notorious for this.  I think we are so overwhelmed with the loss that we go through a range of emotions until we get to acceptance.  I am grieving too, so I understand what you are going through.  I am so sorry for your loss.    suregrl
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BellesDaddy
Bearkittysmom,

I lost my precious cat Belle to sepsis on the 11th. She was in the hospital for treatment of anemia and a UTI, and it was the day she was supposed to be coming home. The anemia was much better, but I got the dreaded call Saturday morning that the UTI(or another unknown infection) went septic. Before I even got off the phone, Belle went into respitory arrest and died.

I had her since she was 4 weeks old. She had numerous health problems, and I have spent every day of the 13 years we had together taking care of her every need. I loved and cared for her like a child. I was and am devasated by her loss. There is a huge part of my life that feels empty now. I never did anything without considering how Belle would be impacted.

This has been the hardest week of my life. My stepdad had open heart surgery this week, and between worrying about him, and grieving Belle, my head and heart were spinning. Thankfully, he came out of it great and I was feeling better... until I got a call that Belle's ashes were ready to be picked up. I was planning on staying with my Mom a few more days, but I just needed to come home to get Belle. I fell back into grieving mode and my drive home was tough. Amazingly, when I saw her urn, a peace came over me. She was with me again. Certainly not in the way I wanted, but she was where she was supposed to be, with me. I put her urn in her carrier, put her seatbelt on, and drove her home one last time. It was dark, so as I talked with her it almost felt like she was in the carrier, looking up and listening to me as she always had. When I got home, I brought the carrier in and opened it for her one last time. I cleaned and prepared her memorial area, and my wife and I were happy to have her home again. Rather than being a terrible experience, it was amazingly cathartic.

I have just come to the realization that I will ALWAYS miss her, but she is home with me where she belongs. I guess one of the really hard parts for me was knowing she wasn't home where she belonged.

I never thought I would get through the pain. I may never completely. But even though I never loved anyone like Belle, I think the wonderful memories and knowing she's back home have allowed me to smile instead of cry when I think about her.

Also, my wife adored Belle, but grieves differently. She was of absolutely no help in the process. Its harder to grieve on your own, but it can be done. For me, looking at pictures and video of me loving on her helped a lot.

I hope you find what you need to cope, and as you know, this can be a great place to find a helping hand.

Jason
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niki
hello to you and i am so sorry you are going thru this tragedy , i understand and so so each and every other person on this site,
i understand how your life revolved around your baby.
I am like that too, i lost one of my babies in february to cancer, she was a cute gorgeous little black cat age 13 called MINT, she left behind me, her Daddy and her Twin sister "Ocelot" a tortie and white.
Life will never be the same again, i spend every minute i can with Ocelot.

it is so hard,so damn tough, i know the pain and guilt eats away at you, but it is natural, you will find a lot of comfort on this site, you are NOT ALONE

feel free to write what you want, get the emotions out,
i hope that you will soon be able to smile at your memories, it takes time....

take care
best wishes
niki

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donnalee
BearKittysMom, Please don't ever feel as if you are 'dumping' on anyone here at this website.   You are expressing your sadness and how you feel at this time and that is what you need to do.  Even if you only read the posts here on your thread by others, you can see that there are many who have gone through very similar painful experiences.  Everyone here has lost their  beloved furbaby and we are all at different points in our healing, but we all remember the first few weeks and how very, very hard it is. So, we don't want you to be alone.  We want to be with you.

When I read the other posts here and the tragic losses, it just broke my heart....you've all been through so much.  My thoughts and prayers are truly with you all. 
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TootiesGuardian
Bearkittysmom,

I'm so very sorry for you and the hurt you are feeling.  I know how you are feeling.  I know it's hard to believe when you are grieving that anyone else can understand your pain.  But I do.  We all do.  I lost my girl Tootie unexpectedly just less than two weeks ago.  She was only 10.

I am still grieving so much.  My husband loved Tootie too so much.  But he blocks the pain out and just focuses on the good times with Tootie and her comical ways.  I have to grieve alone.

It does help to write about your beloved Bear Kitty and to reach out for support.  We are all here to help you through this hard time.  Bless your heart.  I'm so sorry for your losing your furbaby.

Sherry
Tootie ~ Sep. 1, 2000 - Sep. 4, 2010
Shine on you beautiful diamond!
Blueboy ~ Feb. 14, 1989 - Dec. 31, 1993
Always in my heart!
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TootiesGuardian
Bellesdaddy,

I'm so sorry to hear about your precious Belle.  I'm so sorry for the pain and grief you are having to endure.  Like you, I was lost until I got my girl Tootie's cremains back home.  I was so glad to get her back.  It gave me a sense of peace and comfort.

It is so hard to accept when our sweet furbabies are unexpectedly gone fromn our lives.  I can understand your grief.  Yes indeed, the wonderful people on this forum and helped me so much to cope with my grief. 

I'm so sorry that you lost your baby Belle.  Bless your heart!

Sherry
Tootie ~ Sep. 1, 2000 - Sep. 4, 2010
Shine on you beautiful diamond!
Blueboy ~ Feb. 14, 1989 - Dec. 31, 1993
Always in my heart!
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Polly
I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my precious boy Casper last November in exactly the same way to sudden and devastating renal failure and I so relate to your feelings of shock.

Having his ashes home has got to be hard but bittersweet.

Just remember Bear Kitty will always be in your heart.

Thinking of you.

Polly
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Bearkittysmom

Thank you all for your support. I know you are all grieving, yet you still have taken the time to help me. I feel so much better knowing that others have the same emotions that I do. I have been told I should be "getting over" this by now... its only been 3 days. So on top of a devastating loss, I'm angry at everyone  for not validating my feelings and expecting me to be back to normal. My life as I knew it will never be the same, and I don't know what "normal" is right now. I want everyone to know about my Bear kitty and hope to tell you all about him in the near future. I know he has all your fur babies to give him comfort and that gives me some peace.

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