Jason1984
Where to begin. I got my boy back in 8/2013 from the shelter. He was 11 wks old. He was supposed to be my little girl's brother for life. They were always inseparable. Played together, licked eachother, slept together. He was named snuggles but i called him runt bc he meowed like a baby. In 11/2016 during his routine exam the vet heard a slight murmur. The vet said cats can live a long time with murmurs and we can just monitor it or send to cardiologist. But she didnt say this could develop into anything serious so i took it as nothing too big. He was always still playing and being normal. The following yr i didnt think about the murmur bc i noticed nothing. In 2017 i got his vaccine at a pet supermarket. In 2018 early. I rescued this mother cat that gave birth to 4 kittys at my home. So alot of attention was on them and i was seeing someone then so i didn't notice anything. He ended up passing in 7/27/2018. He just fell over n died. Did a necropsy and it showed hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. I feel so guilty bc if i just would've gotten his heart checked again then he would still be here. A murmur is the beginning of something that may or may not develop into something. I've done so much research and i couldve gotten him on taurine, omega 3, coq10 all to help with heart. The vet didnt stress any urgency. I shouldve simply googled murmur. I feel so guilty and i feel like its my fault. I cant sleep i cant do the things that i used to do bc the guilt is eating ne alive. Why didnt i get his heart looked at. If i did everything for him and he still passed i could live with that. On top of everything. I kept 3 of 4 kittens and now the boy has heart disease too. I had him in the er for 4 days. On a ventilator. I am giving him meds n supplements. Why is this happening to me? I keep picturing the one that passed in my head and i cry.
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Jason1984
Any responses??
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just_lost
Jason1984 wrote:
Where to begin. I got my boy back in 8/2013 from the shelter. He was 11 wks old. He was supposed to be my little girl's brother for life. They were always inseparable. Played together, licked eachother, slept together. He was named snuggles but i called him runt bc he meowed like a baby. In 11/2016 during his routine exam the vet heard a slight murmur. The vet said cats can live a long time with murmurs and we can just monitor it or send to cardiologist. But she didnt say this could develop into anything serious so i took it as nothing too big. He was always still playing and being normal. The following yr i didnt think about the murmur bc i noticed nothing. In 2017 i got his vaccine at a pet supermarket. In 2018 early. I rescued this mother cat that gave birth to 4 kittys at my home. So alot of attention was on them and i was seeing someone then so i didn't notice anything. He ended up passing in 7/27/2018. He just fell over n died. Did a necropsy and it showed hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. I feel so guilty bc if i just would've gotten his heart checked again then he would still be here. A murmur is the beginning of something that may or may not develop into something. I've done so much research and i couldve gotten him on taurine, omega 3, coq10 all to help with heart. The vet didnt stress any urgency. I shouldve simply googled murmur. I feel so guilty and i feel like its my fault. I cant sleep i cant do the things that i used to do bc the guilt is eating ne alive. Why didnt i get his heart looked at. If i did everything for him and he still passed i could live with that. On top of everything. I kept 3 of 4 kittens and now the boy has heart disease too. I had him in the er for 4 days. On a ventilator. I am giving him meds n supplements. Why is this happening to me? I keep picturing the one that passed in my head and i cry.


Hi, Jason.  I'm very sorry about your baby boy - that's a heartbreaking story :(  It reads to me like you did everything you knew to do based on the information that you had.  It's really easy to beat ourselves up over things we think we should've done, but hindsight is always 20/20 - of course we'd have done all of those other things if we'd thought of them or had any indication that whatever condition was more serious than it appeared, right?  You were living your life and Runt appeared to be himself, so you didn't think anything of it.  I think a lot of us are like that; our babies appear to be fine and the vet gives the same impression, so it's life as usual.  Unfortunately, our babies can't use words to tell us what's wrong and it can be difficult to read their behaviors.  You weren't neglecting him - he had a loving home with buddies to play with.  This was just a tragic turn of events, and I'm so sorry that you're going through it.  I hope you can find a little peace of mind here with all of the wonderful people who have also lost their babies.
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just_lost
We picked up a beautiful little Calico kitten from a local shelter a few years back.  It was right before the weekend (on a Friday) - she seemed fine initially, but started coughing a bit and became a bit lethargic late that evening.  I figured that it was just a sniffle and we'd get her to the vet on Monday morning for an exam and initial shots (even though the vet is open till noon on Saturdays).  It turned out that she developed sudden-onset pneumonia as the weekend progressed.  She didn't seem sick enough for a "Right NOW" vet visit, so it didn't occur to me to call the vet on Saturday.  I had absolutely no idea what the symptoms were, and pneumonia never even crossed my mind.  Monday was too late...the vet gave her whatever shots/meds that they could, but the disease had progressed too far...she died in my hands that afternoon.  I didn't even have sense enough to have her put to sleep - the poor, beautiful little critter struggled to breathe till the end because I was too busy waiting to see if the meds would work.  What if I'd erred on the side of caution and taken her on Saturday?  What if I'd paid closer attention to her symptoms?  It's been three years, and I still think about it.  Never would I ever feel this way about any human being.  Animals, though?  Things like this will haunt me till it's time for me to get in the box.

I'm in no way trying to detract from or minimize/marginalize your situation - I'm just hoping to present an example of a situation similar to yours that might offer you a bit of comfort.  Leena didn't seem like she was having serious trouble (not even moderate trouble!) until it was too late, and I didn't recognize any of it.  By all means, please grieve for as long as you need!  Do your best to not beat yourself up, though.  Exactly zero good will come of that.  It's an excruciating, agonizing lesson, and your reaction to it shows how very much you love Runt.  He knew that.  His life was better because of you, Jason.
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