My little girl Gia was diagnosed with bladder cancer in September. It's so hard for me to write this, because I can't really describe how I feel. The pain is so raw and my emotions are all over the place. I feel so guilty. Making the decision to end Gia's life is one of the hardest things I've done. I held Gia in my arms when she was put to sleep two nights ago. I can't stop thinking of how she just went limp after they put the shot in. She was 11. Initially she was diagnosed with urinary infection. Two sets of X-rays didn't show anything wrong. Then the Vet did a contrast x-ray which showed a large mass in her bladder. Her only symptoms were frequent urination, and sometimes discolored, and she was restless. After putting her on Tramadol and a holistic diet, she appeared to be her happy and healthy until a couple weeks ago. The frequent urination became worse than it was last September. She started crying/whining, but only when she defecated. In recent days she became more restless and kept coming up to me and I didn't know what she wanted. I would just pick her up and hug her or feed her. She never lost her appetite and would eat non-stop if I let her. Tuesday night I noticed she was showing signs of lameness. I went from one end of the house to the other and had her walk to me. She was still wagging her tail, but when she walked she was having difficulty. I made the decision then to take her to the Vet. I didn't know you could have a Vet come to your house or I would have done that. I was told that our fur babies are very good at hiding pain. I hope I did right by her. I'm just so distraught right now. I just didn't want her to suffer any longer. I love you Gia. Please forgive me.
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monica, so sorry to hear of gia's passing.  the decision you made on her behalf is one of the greatest gifts of love which we can ever offer to our dear loved companions.  please have no doubt at all that you did very very right by her even though your heart broke when she crossed the bridge.  if gia could send you a message i'm so certain it would be "mama, you gave my tired old body freedom to be my younger beautiful whole and healthy self again and you did nothing wrong to be forgiven for.  I love you too so much mama".  we humans unfortunately think of death as an end where in fact it is only the beginning to our eternal lives in a most wonderful place.  you are in the right place here with so many wonderfully caring and thoughtful folks who know and understand how you feel.  each day is a roller coaster of emotion and boy have the last few been absolute whoppers in the tsunami type days.  it's so hard for us to let go of such an unconditional love that our fur-babies offer to us but be assured you showed gia the greatest act of love by allowing her to cross the bridge.  continue to talk to her at home or where ever it comes to you to do so as she will always be around you, hear what you say and see you..and help you find a new fur-baby when she feels you are ready - or nudge you to that place according to her schedule.  many many hugs to you hon and we are all here for you.
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I found some comfort in this poem when i had my beloved 13 year old lab pts. I feel your pain.


If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this — the last battle — can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.

We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close — we two — these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

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Sweetheart, if you read any of the posts in here we all say the same thing. We find the biggest stuck we can and beat ourselves mercilessly with it because it is the hardest thing to do ever and the most horrible responsibility. You know deep down in your heart, like I did, that that we chose the best thing to do out of pure love for our babies, not for ourselves. Such pain and anguish, I know, and we unfortunately have to go through this guilt stage of grief because we loved so deeply. Thinking and grieving with you my friend. X
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Let me just add my sympathy to those already expressed and the more that are sure to come your way.  Know that you did the right thing to not let your baby suffer.  It is truly the greatest gift we can give them-----and is surely the hardest for us personally.  You had no choice.  If you had not taken action, your baby would have suffered horribly and then then end result would have been the same. 

You loved her enough to save her from that.  There is no greater love than that.  Take care of yourself and know that here you are free to say whatever you feel and to get your feelings validated by people who truly know what you are going through.
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I am so sorry for your loss of Gia.

I am crying reading your post because I had to make the decision to put my Taco who was also 11 to sleep in December because he had cancer.  It was discovered he had a mast cell tumor, and after that diagnosis he just went downhill very fast.  The morning I took him to the vet to see what to do because he wasn't getting any better, I just knew it was probably time.  After I got home from the vet that day without my boy I was wracked with guilt and doubt.  The thing I remember from that day the most is his last 3 breaths.  That is the moment that replays itself in my mind all the time. It is hard to live with that memory, but I am so grateful I was there with him holding him during his last moments just as you were with your Gia.

Trust me you did do the right thing, as I can see how I had no other choice in Taco's situation either.  You did the best you could and you have to remember that.  

Take care of yourself 
Donielle Taco's Mom
*I love you forever my sweet Taco Beavy*
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Monica, so very sorry on your loss. I just have to agree with all that`s been said by others on here, that you knew the time was right to stop Gia from suffering any more, and it truly is the last gift of love we can give our precious animals.  Its just not fair that we cannot have them with us for longer, but like you, I stayed with my dog when we had to have him pts almost 11 weeks ago - it was the most worse day of my life, but we couldn`t let him go on any longer. We go through all the guilt because we loved them so very much, but I believe we will see them again. You have come to a very caring site here, we all understand the pain you are going through right now. 
              Hugs, Jackie. x
J Taylor
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Dear Monica,

As has already been said you will be beating yourself with a big stick right now. I was exactly the same week ago today when we pts our 13 year old Golden Retriever, Spike.

For the first few days I thought about nothing else and thought I would go mad. I kept playing the scenario over and over in my head, I couldn’t eat (and felt guilty if I did) I couldn’t sleep and I just felt so empty. These and more are all feelings that you will probably experience.  It is all part of grieving and if we didn’t love them so much we wouldn’t have these feelings.

When you doubt your decision, please try to balance this by reminding yourself that you did do the right thing for Gia - even though you knew it would be you who would be left behind to suffer her loss.  That is true love and devotion.  

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