mrcatsam
I was writing my college essay, trying to write about my dog, Koka who left me on 30 September 2019 last year. I was trying to talk about how I overcame the challenge of losing someone so dear, and I suddenly burst into tears, fell on the floor and began to cry quietly. I felt so stupid for trying to 
My family doesn't talk about it anymore, and I feel like they've just stopped caring. My friends don't seem to care either that not a day goes by that I don't think of her and start crying. 
For those seven years she was in my life I only have about two photos of her, and every day this wound so deep inside me wrenches open, and I'm so upset at everyone in my life.
Last week this old lady was yelling at my friend for not having his dog on the leash. She filmed us then tried to call the police and I went over and screamed at her. I've had it with stupid people who don't care to understand anything and just think they're the world authority.

I want to throw a brick at a wall and watch it break.

I want to whack that old lady's phone out of her hand, the stupid expensive piece of junk, and watch it crash everywhere. 

I want to go to the grocery store, where everyone is really mean to me, and knock all the shelves over.

I want to stomp on something that breaks. 

I want to flip this table over that I'm writing this post on.

Don't worry, please. I promise I won't do any of those things.

Mostly, I just want to go outside and be able to have a grave to visit for my beloved dog. I don't even have her ashes.

How do I even start?
Samuel
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codysmum102
I am so sorry that you lost your dog Koka.  Unfortunately many people don't understand the special bond we have with our pets.  They are more than just animals; they are a huge part of our lives and when they are gone they leave a gaping whole in our hearts and a permanent change to life as we know it.
Grief comes in many forms and the stages that we go through are not linear and they have no timeline.  It's different for everyone.  You can go from feeling OK, to sadness, to anger back to feeling Ok again and the cycle will sometimes start over.  Just know that it is normal and that all of us here on the forum have experienced or are experiencing the same thing so we can all empathize.  Keep writing about your feelings on here because, at least for me, that has helped a lot. It's good to knowing you're not alone and can share with like minded people.  I saw this posted online and it is so true.

Grief is like the ocean,
It comes in waves,
Ebbing and flowing.
Sometimes the water is calm,
Sometimes it is overwhelming.
All we can do is learn to swim.
~Vicki Harrison
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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mrcatsam
Thank you for responding, Julie. It really means a lot to me that there are people who I can confide in. I'm sorry that you had to find this forum, but I'm grateful that you are here for me. I suppose, even after so much time has passed, we never really learn how to conquer the waves.

Condolences to you,

Sam
Samuel
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codysmum102
Sam,
Thank you for the condolences. It will be 15 weeks tomorrow that Cody left and I'm still struggling but not as bad as those first two weeks when all I did is cry and wonder how I could go the rest of my life without him. Finding a " new normal" during this epidemic is even harder because the whole world is crazy now. I used to go places to distract myself from  missing my boy but now there is nowhere that is open to go.  It is a terrible time to be stuck at home. I guess we just have to take one day at a time.
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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