Imlost101
This morning I've woken up with such anger..this time last week it started. I took Lola to the vet and it spiralled from there. The regrets hit, regrets I didn't even know I had. They just pile on.

I'm so angry, it was only us two. Everyone is great for the first 24hrs..after that it's like hey you wanna go to IKEA..or you should get back into work.

I'm even thinking my best friend is so up her own backside I wonder how we've ever been friends. She can be so cold and insensitive.. comments such as "too cute" come with the same level of sensitivity as a brick.

I feel robbed...I feel that my dog was robbed and that life is just a series of crap, torturous events...

I can't find joy in anything...I miss my Lola so much and torture myself..ive read loads of articles on people hearing, seeing, smelling and feeling the souls of their beloved chums....I feel nothing but heart ache...

Is anyone else feeling This? I'm normally an overly sensitive person who, quite often, would be accused of being too sensitive. Now I feel numb..
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Kobes_mum
My Kobe passed two days ago. I don’t feel any anger but I’m lost also.
Priscilla Sanchez
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Imlost101
Im so sorry for your loss...kobes mum!! I'm just hurt...my last fondest memory if Lola was her running crazily through the snow without a care in the world. Were as I a mad woman chasing after her in case she lost her way and got hurt/ lost. Little did I know what was ahead...

How are you doing? I'm sorry for my rant..I just feel so alone with all if this...I only had two years with Lola.. she was a rescue..ended up rescuing me.

Tell me about kobe..it's funny the name automatically spells love on auto text
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Nancyj
Imlost,
I lost my Timmer cat two months ago.  it's hard to believe it was that long ago because at times the pain is still so raw.
I recently went to grief counseling and she said she thinks i'm right on track and not abnormal in the way I grieve.  
Grief is all over the place; it's messy and hard and takes work to process.  Something our friends and co-workers do not understand. They think it's just a cat or dog but they don't realize it's our family and our loves and most of the time, it's really our "child."  We have lost a CHILD.  I had someone make a very insensitive comment to me when I mentioned Tim died she shrieked out "you spent hundreds of dollars on THAT CAT when you could have taken the money and gotten another one!"  I turned to her and said "really?  How about something happens  to your son and i tell you go out and adopt another one, rather than trying to save him?"  She was thrown and apologized but the damage is done in my mind. I forgive the stupidity of the comments but we who are grieving will tend to alienate ourselves from those we normally be around because they don't understand us anymore.  And as for them, the "friends" they don't know how to help or what to say.  That's my long way around of saying that yes, I have experienced what you are going through.  It hurts me and probably makes me a little angry.  I don't talk about how i feel anymore with those around me.  I did mention to someone that I  still cried and she went "Mm....." like it was wrong of me, after two months to keep crying.  She doesn't get it. 

If you have time, google the book called Tear Soup.  My therapist loaned to.   It's just a quick illustrated novel about a woman who loses someone (it never says who, but it doesn't matter) so she collects all her tears into a soup.  Only people who have their own Tear Soup want to share the meal with her or understand about the soup.  Those people become her new friends.

And please come on here and vent.  We DO get it.

Nancy
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ScoutsMom
I am so sorry to hear about the loss for each of you regarding Lola, Kobe, and Timmer. You are right Nancy.... many people don't understand.... but many people still do. You MUST avoid those who think you are crazy or think "they were just a pet".

I lost my beloved Scout and Banjo 3 days apart 4 weeks ago. They were both 16.... but I can tell you it doesn't matter if you have them 2 years or 16 years if they were your children and you loved them the grief is unbearable. Scout was that once in a lifetime special dog for me. I hold onto the hope that I will be reunited with them in heaven some day.
The grief has been gut wrenching and debilitating. I have started seeing a grief counselor because almost everyday I feel suicidal. My home is so empty and quiet. All of their toys and things are just as it was a month ago. They were my world!

Some people will never understand your emotions or your loss. My brother and his wife never reached out to me at all. When I texted my brother about this 2 weeks after Scout and Banjos death my sister-in- law sent me a nasty letter inside a grief card!! She basically said they were just pets and I needed to get perspective on what was important in life.... namely people. She said this I might add in a very mean spirited way. Thanks to God, I have friends who do understand and have been letting me talk and cry as much as I need to.
Spend as much time grieving as you need to. Avoid nasty people that don't understand. Do things that make you feel happy about your loved ones. For me looking at pictures has helped.... sometimes I cry but it still helps. I'm also starting journals about each of them...i don't know why I didn't do this from the beginning.... when they first entered my life. That part makes me sad, but It is helping me to write down my memories.
I added photos of my precious Scout, then Banjo, then Scout, Banjo and Riley (Who died 5 years ago from a brain tumor), then another of my beautiful Scout.
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Nancyj
What lovely dogs they are Scoutsmom!
I did private message you.  I am glad you are journaling.  Me too.  And to all others -- it is a help believe it or not, to do this. 
I got Timmer's photos together last weekend and had several printed out.  I'm glad I have them because they make me smile. 
Nancy
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Imlost101
What beautiful dogs scoutsmom....and what wonderful lives they have had...I am starting a photo album...and today I walked our walk...the park was so quiet and still. All you could hear was the birds...I met another dog owner..she apologised for her dog jumping up on me...I broke down in tears and told her about Lola...she too had lost before...

I know that many of my memories are good...filled with love, happiness and FUN...maybe we (animal lovers) know the importance of love and how the purest off love came from our canines...maybe were bizarrely lucky to have those unexplainable encounters and unfortunately those strictly human types go without..

Your dogs appear to be the very definition of happy, loved and fun...would you ever consider another??
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camunki
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Lola. And feelings of all sorts do come and go thru the grieving process. I know the first few weeks I was in such denial not really wanting to accept that I lost my babies. I lost my Jemma back in Oct 21 2016 and I think of her and miss her and love her every day. But waking up an not seeing her was the hardest. I had to take 3 days off of work just so i could lay in bed and cry most of the time. Eventually i did have to go back to work, yet still went thru the guilt phases of the things I should have done or the things that I could have done to let her live longer than her 11 years and 5 months. Then i had bouts of meltdowns where i would just drop to the floor and cry my eyes out. I do know the first few months are by far the hardest, even the first year is so difficult.

Slowly, I started to let Jemmas legacy live on, one by posting here, and then by doing "collages' of her with many pictures", then by talking to her each and every day, by putting her ashes into a necklace that I wear often, but putting her packet of fur in my pocketbook so its with me all the times, and journaling everyday is a great thing which I was posting daily for the first year, then went to "monthly" after the one year marking.

I just love being outdoors in the free world and talking out loud and knowing that my baby hears me. 

And as for some humans they think our pets are "just dogs" or animals or whatever, to me its not that way, they are  my babies, my "kids" and I am ok with that and alot of people on this forum understand that.

So please keep coming back here for any type of support and again I am sorry for the loss of your sweet Lola.

Cam


 
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lonely
Imlost101 wrote:
This morning I've woken up with such anger..this time last week it started. I took Lola to the vet and it spiralled from there. The regrets hit, regrets I didn't even know I had. They just pile on.

I'm so angry, it was only us two. Everyone is great for the first 24hrs..after that it's like hey you wanna go to IKEA..or you should get back into work.

I'm even thinking my best friend is so up her own backside I wonder how we've ever been friends. She can be so cold and insensitive.. comments such as "too cute" come with the same level of sensitivity as a brick.

I feel robbed...I feel that my dog was robbed and that life is just a series of crap, torturous events...

I can't find joy in anything...I miss my Lola so much and torture myself..ive read loads of articles on people hearing, seeing, smelling and feeling the souls of their beloved chums....I feel nothing but heart ache...

Is anyone else feeling This? I'm normally an overly sensitive person who, quite often, would be accused of being too sensitive. Now I feel numb..
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lonely
After I lost me bebo cat I was in he'll. I wanted to die. I felt guilty that I made lots of foolish choices. She used to have bad reactions to vaccine but I kept having her vaccinated .when I told the vets about it they didn't took it seriously. I asked a cat specialist woman and she said vaccines are really important." I listened to these so called cat specialists and my sweet katto who was my universe my reason for living suffered so much and in the end died from sarcoma cancer due to vaccines. I missed my bebo my katto my baba, yes these are all her names. I searched the Internet to make sure that I will meet her in the end. But all three major religions do not say much on the afterlife of animals. Then I searched and found out that in Islam it is beloved that when we get to paradise we will get anything we want from God. Good thing is that you don't have to be a Muslim to get your animals in the after life. As long as you believe in one god and in the judgement day and do good deeds in your life and no major sins you will go to paradise and you can ask for whatever you want and you will get it. So now I'm trying to be a good human being so I can get to paradise and ask Allah for my bebo girl.
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Jules_Anne
Yes I feel exactly the same. My father drove right over our second eldest dog Tess 3 weeks ago tomorrow. Says he was distracted by our other 3 and didn't see her. She passed away within a few minutes. I have never felt such pain and have cried every single day. People have said to me too "oh you still not over it". So called friends and family not bothered to even message me and ask how I am doing now. It hurts so much and I know how you feel. You get a day here and there when you feel okay then it just all hits you again.
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Imlost101
Hi Jules Anne
I am so sorry to hear of your loss and I know how you are feeling. When I posted my comment I was so hurt..hurt at how sudden it was, distraught over the real significant loss I felt, the worry that something else could be been done and lost for any real sense of comfort...I was angered because no one felt my pain, my suffering and my heart ache.

But, anger is a normal reaction to events such as these. I've learnt that I needed to distance myself to deal with how I was feeling. By doing that I learnt a greater appreciation for myself but also for others. Many people don't know what to say..I can honestly say that my friends and family will not experience the feeling I have but with time they've come to know that I am sad...and it's okay to be sad...

It's a real loss...a real personal loss that can only truly be understood by people in a similar situation. Unlike humans who have funerals, wakes, services where there's an out pouring of grief, our pets are ours and ours alone...

My advice to you having been there and totally understanding is this...in time you will come to understand your loved ones and they you...it's okay to be angry and it's okay to be sad...you were the best owner for your dog...time was cut short but not every moment last forever...with your dog it lasted their entire life time...I'm sending you a big hug Jules Anne
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Susie_Squillions

Just A Kitty
by Susan "Susie Squillions" Ayres-Lynch 2004 (c)

You say he was "just a kitty?"
Then the sun is "just a star"
New York is "just a city"
A Maserati's "just a car"
The Nile is "just a river,"
The Pacific's "just a sea."
You say he was "just a kitty?"
He was everything to me. 

In one of the stars, I shall be living. In one of them, I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night. -- The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

All tears are healing tears.  They help to wash away our sorrow and allow the first buds of happiness to blossom in our hearts. -- Susie "Squillions"

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.
A fresh start after 947 posts. March 7th, 2011. I've been coming to this wonderful site since April 6, 2004.
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Imlost101
That's lovely Susie...really nice.
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