misscandy77
I lost my dog Chloe on Sunday.  She was only 6 years old.  I rescued her from the shelter when she was about a year and a half. She was a papillon mix. We bonded tight and fast, she only trusted me for quite some time.  I live alone and she was my constant friend and companion.
I am having such difficulty with her death.  I didn't expect it in a million years.  She'd been having problems with her knees but nothing life threatening.  When she was acting strange on Saturday, I thought it was because of the pain or her pain pills.  I took her in Sunday not knowing she would be in critical care.  The x-ray showed that her heart was just slightly larger in comparison to the last one they took a few months ago.  Oxygen and fluids and after a couple hours, they said she was stable and I had hope.  An hour later I was called as they were doing CPR, it was too late, my baby was gone. 
I have incredible guilt.  I wonder if I took her in Saturday if they would have saved her.  I didn't want to be paranoid or overprotective as I had taken her in so many times for minor things.  She was just there on Tuesday getting a urine test.  She was fine, and then a few days later she was gone.  Blood tests showed nothing.  Everything else was fine.  I don't know why her heart gave out.  I cannot stop crying.  The knot in my stomach is twisting and angry making me gag and heave nothing since I cannot eat.  I am so lonely and the house is empty without her.  I don't want to be here without her.  What do I do?  When will the pain cease?
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/CHLOE096/Resident.htm
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tikidikidoo
Your story of Chloe is very tragic and I am so sorry that you lost her. Please know that you did all you could for her. I can honestly tell you I know just how you feel. I lost my dear Havana and she was just over a year old. I too am crippled by the guilt I feel over the things I did not see. She was, and always will be, braver than I could ever be. It is unfortunate that our animals can't tell us how much they are suffering. They are so stoic that we often don't realize how bad things are until it's too late. In time you will move away from the guilt and find peace in the fact that you took her from the shelter and gave her love and happiness in your home. I know you don't feel that way now, when the pain is so accute, but eventually you will. You shared a special and unbreakable bond. She will live on forever in your heart. It is very truamatizing to lose such a dear and loyal friend. We've all been where you are. Time is the only thing that will bring healing. Time and your special memories of Chloe and the love you shared. 
x tiki   
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misscandy77

It's been a week since I lost my Chloe.  Christmas was awful.  I tried so hard to be strong, and for a bit at a time I could talk to my family and try to shut off the tears as long as nobody asked how I was or said "I'm sorry to hear about Chloe."  Just a simple "how are you?" is enough to crumble me all over again.  I'm doing terrible.  I'm not sobbing and hyperventilating like I was, but the tears start like a faucet.  I'm still nauseous and gagging.  I was able to eat on Christmas probably because I was at my parents' house and not mine.  I can't stand eating in my house without Chloe.  She kept me company, I never had to eat alone as long as she was there.  That was her favorite time when I would eat.  That dog was spoiled rotten, always wanted the last bite or lick...even if all I had was cereal and she wouldn't understand why I wouldn't give it to her.  I went to the store today and as I got to the door from the garage, I swear I heard her whining.  She was crated to the dog door when I was away because of separation anxiety and because she always piddled pee when she saw me come home...she was so excited.  She would hear the garage, and wiggle and whine and grab her toy to come out and show me.  I would give anything to hear her alien whines.  I had to remove all her toys and her crate so that I wouldn't keep thinking she was coming home.  I'm still so lost.  I still don't understand why she died so young.  It's not fair.  I thank Tiki for responding and I know that others feel what I am feeling.  I have lost other pets before, but Chloe was the first one that was all mine and not a family pet.  She was my constant companion.  I wish I had a husband or kids to focus on and love because I'm empty without my Chloe, she really was my everything.

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Janine
Oh misscandy, I'm so sorry for your sudden loss.  I understand how hard it is. I felt and feel the same way losing my kitty. It's an unbearable pain and loss when we lose someone we loved so much.  Just know that you will feel this way for some time and it's ok and right that you do. You should expect to mourn her and miss her, she was such an important part of your life.  Just keep coming here and sharing your feelings, we all understand and sympathize with what you are going through. Please know also that you did everything you could and you made her time here on earth very loved and happy.
I love you forever Katie Kitty.
I can't wait to hugga-bug again with you one day.
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jasminesmom
misscandy77

I understand what you are going thru during this most difficult time. I experienced the same effects when I lost my Jasmine 09-04-09. Some days are better, most not and its been almost 4 months and its alright to feel this way. It really is.

Coming here does help. I can express my sadness, tell Jasmine's story with no shame as to how devastated I am still feeling. Helping others thru their sorrow also helps.

My thoughts and prayers are with yiou today.

Cheryl and Angel Jasmine
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JAMIN001/Resident.htm
Jasmine was loved
Jasmine took ProIn
Jasmine is gone
 


Cheryl and Angel Jasmine
Jasmine was loved
Jasmine was given ProIn
Jasmine is now gone
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JAMIN001/Resident.htm
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Dee
If misery loves company you and I should be the happiest people in the world!

I lost my little Westie girl, ironically also named Chloe, yesterday.  She was about 7 years old.  Like your Chloe, she was also rescued.   She has been with me only a very short two years.  Like you I can't eat, can't sleep, and am racked with guilt wondering if she would still be here if I had taken her in to the emergency vet yesterday instead of waiting for an appointment this morning. 

With my Chloe, it happened so fast.  She had a little cough and a bit of difficulty breathing on Saturday.  Sunday morning I could tell she didn't feel very good, but it didn't appear life threatening.  I called her vet and made an appointment for her to be seen first thing this morning.  She died at 3pm yesterday afternoon.  She was resting comfortably in her new Christmas bed, covered in her new blankie, with her tummy full of a nice meal of boiled turkey and rice.  To say I feel like I've hit by a sledge hammer is an understatement.

I talked to her vet and several vets at a teaching hospital at the local university.  I needed answers.  I also needed someone to tell me it was not my fault and that I did all I could for my precious little girl.   Everyone around me has been so kind and so thoughtful.  The words that I thought could make me feel better do come from their mouths but does little to comfort me.  The emotions, the pain, the hurt is still there. 

I certainly don't mean to highjack your thread with my own story.  It just struck me as how similar they are.  I stumbled on this site looking for comfort so I don't have words of comfort to offer you.  Maybe by sharing our pain, we can help each other find some peace of mind.


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Dee
Hello again misscandy,

I stumbled across this article.  http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
It gave me a bit of relief.  From the guilt anyway.  Maybe it will help you as well.  Here's one sentence that hit home for me..."Pet owners who "don't care" will never experience the pangs of guilt. Only caring, responsible pet owners go through this agony".

Healing will take time, but we will heal. 


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misscandy77

Thanks Dee for the post.  I know I replied to Mr. Max thread but then I accidentally deleted it. 

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getg19
I  am  going  through  the  same  my  little  corgi  has  cancer  and  will  be  sent  to  the  RAINBOW BRIDGE  on 1/2/2010  I  cant  eat  have  a  very  nad  headache  and  cry  all  the  time.Who  says  men  dont  cry MY  wife  and  I  will  always  love  Disney our  little  one and  his  smile  like  your  little  one  should  always  be  remembered.Its your  love  that  will  keep  them  alive  forever
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MeggiesmomClaire
Dear Misscandy, Dee and getq19,
I am so sorry about your losses of your precious babies and the impending loss of the third.
I loss my lil girl 8/21/08, after her being sick for less then 18 hours.
I know the terrible feelings of guilt and what ifs, but we all must remember, God had a purpose for our babies and that was to take them before they suffered . In turn, the pain we feel after losing them, is the pain they would have gone through if we did not have the love we have for them, not to let them suffer.
To this day, I miss Meggie, but my saying is, " If I could not have Meggie and have her healthy, free from pain, then the only place I want her is with God". I truly believe she is free from pain and watches over us and knows how much we loved her and why she had to leave. My faith in God has made it easier knowing he watches over our babies every day. Their soul may be with God, but their Spirit will remain with us forever.
Crying is the first step to the healing process and crying has no gender to it. It just shows just how much we love our babies and how much we miss them. I truly believe I will meet and be reunited with Meggie when God calls me home.
Your losses are so new and it does take time and the bond you each shared with your kids, is like a wedding band, a big circle, it has no beginning and it has no end, therefore your baby will be forever in your heart.
I hope this has helped all of you in some small way. Give yourself time.
Feel free to e-mail me, if ever I can help.
My heart aches for each of you. God Bless.
Claire  meggiesmom

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