Hi everyone
As most of yous know I lost my dog macky 15 weeks ago due to his back legs being really bad , i had macky from 6 weeks of age and he was 15.5 years old when i had to let him go .
I got macky when i was 18 he was my first dog and my absolute best friend my soul fur boy baby .
The pain has gotten better after such time but the missing him is intense and never ever leaves me
The thing is ever since macky passed away i just dont feel myself at al , l its as if my spirit has died my soul , its as if im not sure of anything anymore.
I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing now
Loosing macky put a light out in my heart that I feel i can't get back
I cannot tell anyone in my life about that as they wouldn't get it and I feel they think I'm crazy
I miss him so much it kills me to realize that my missing him will never stop cause i can't have him back , i cant hug him , smell him , touch him ever ever ever again .
He's my boy i never planned my life without him in it
This is to hard to fully accept in my heart , how do i accept that this is it hes gone forever.
Thank you for reading
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Dearest Mackysmum - Tomorrow will be 15 weeks since I lost my beloved Brutus to a failed heart valve. I had Brutus for 11.5 years and he was my only baby. I never was able to have children, so my precious Brutus was truly my baby boy. I understand 100% with what you are feeling as I feel the same and it hits me everyday I wake up in the morning, is with me throughout the day and then again at night when I try to get to sleep. I grieve for my precious boy as if it happened yesterday. Previously I wrote of all the things I missed about Brutus and the last line says it all "I miss the world I knew and the person I used to be." The cold hard fact of the matter is that your beloved Macky and my beloved Brutus are gone from this world. And yet, we must believe with all we hold dear that their love and spirit live on. We need to look forward and try to envision them whole and happy again--no more problems with back legs and heart valves.

You ask, "how do I accept he is gone forever?" My response is that you don't. He is NOT gone forever because in every word you wrote, he is alive and his spirit and his love is being tended by your heart--keeping it safe. When we were children, we believed in fairy tales. Now more than ever, we need to believe in "real" fairy tales--that our babies are waiting for us at the Rainbow Bridge and we will be reunited with them when our time comes--and we will be whole again.

I wish you warm hugs and blessings of comfort.
Denise (Brutus' Mom)
Brutus von Dolce
06/19/2006 - 03/16/2018
RIP my sweet beautiful boy
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Yesterday marked the 6 month point since losing my Apollo and June 1st made it one year since I lost my beloved Satin Marie.

The pain is like no other pain and the grief won't go away. In a way, I am fine with that. But in others, I wish it would stop. 

I went through the same thing for a time after losing Satin Marie to Mast Cell Tumors last year. We fought for two years and in the end, her frail body just couldn't take it any longer. I felt guilty for not doing more and I still feel that way. I would force myself to dream of her, of her coming back but I knew it wasn't possible.

Then when I had to say goodbye to Apollo, it started all over again. So close after Christmas, I took off work until after the New Year. I had no desire to do anything, especially going to work.

Eventually your mind will accept that he is gone but never your heart and I say that in a loving way because your heart can never let go of the love he gave to you, unconditionally and regardless of the mood you were in. And that is what hurts us the most. We can never repay them for that unconditional love and knowing we will never receive it again hurts just as much as physical hurt.

If I could have just one more day with my Satin Marie and Apollo, it wouldn't be enough and I know it would make matters worse.

But I just want to hold them both and tell them how much I love and miss them, and it kills me inside knowing I can never do that again.

You are not alone Mackysmum. 

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I know exactly how you feel, especially today.  I went to bed last night in  a storm with bad
lightening and pictured Jasper looking up with surprise or coming into be with me.  

I'm due to start a job and honestly would like to get the dog I have always longed for since
2011 now while I have time to train it.

I feel totally off kilter now since he is gone, suddenly, whereas before I was all ready to start working. I'm in this in between stage where I keep wondering what the universe or God is trying to tell me with all this.  When I was working previously my Jasper was off kilter by shift changes and peed in my bed at 3:00 in the morning.  Never had done anything similar before.

I know it was anxiety. Then when I was getting ready for interviews and he knew I was dressing for different occasions like that he started to have cystitis the day I had to start.  I postponed the job.

Now I don't know what to do either.  My original plan had been to find a puppy while I had time to train and then go back to work.  

I'm due to go to a birthday dinner with my friend tonight and really don't think I will go.  I thought I was getting past all of this on Monday and Tuesday; now, today feel off and all messed up again.
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I am new here and just lost my Yorkie Prissy. I haven’t posted her story yet because I need more time but I wanted to let you know this had really hit home with me. I got her at 6 weeks and she was 13.5 years old. I feel your pain and nothing it wrong with you. It is normal and reading this board has shown me that.
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Dear Mackysmum-  What you describe seems perfectly normal to me.  I remember losing my first really special pet when I was about 35 years old.  He was an orange tabby named Antelope who lived to be 14.5 years old.  I had gotten him right after I was married, and by the time he died I had three children and several other cats.  But there was no one like my Antsie.  When he died I was devastated and depressed for months.  My oldest child complained that I was "not very cheerful." Finally after about 6 months I began to feel more like myself again, and decided to get a puppy.  If I had done that too soon it probably would not have worked, but by that time I was ready and I loved my Shetland Sheepdog.  I'm 64 now so of course that dog is long gone, and I am mourning the death of my beloved dachshund, Brandon, who died in March.  Once again I was devastated and depressed, but I have enough experience to know that I can recover.  You will always remember Macky, as I remember Antelope.  But after all these years the memories are no longer painful.  I am not yet at that point with remembering Brandon.  I still get choked up talking about him, and I still feel sad when I think about him, which I do every day.  15 weeks is really not very long, considering how long you had Macky with you and the depth of your love for him.  Keep posting on this forum.  It has helped me, and I hope it can help you as well.  And don't worry that what you are experiencing is not normal.  - Dachsiemom   
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
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