peanutsmamma
I had to put my 16 yrs old little kitty peanut down this last Wednesday. The vet said it was his heart giving out. I wanted him to die at home but he was suffering too much. I sat up with him all night the night before with him lying on my lap but he would not let go.
When I went to put him in his carrier the next day to take him to the vet he would grab me around my neck and not let go. It took everything I had to get him into his carrier. The vet tried to do blood work just to confirm that he was dying & she couldn't even get any from him. He got very stressed so she decided against it and was even more convinced that it was his time. I stayed with him through the whole process. The look in his eyes was just heartbreaking and I can't get that image out of my mind.
Now...not only do I miss him so much that I can't breathe. I feel so guilty. I wish I had held him one more time before taking him in. I wish I had taken him in sooner and maybe I could have saved him. He was my best friend. I had him since he was 6 wks old. He actually found me. I was looking for a kitten and he was the one that followed me around and looked up at me the the whole time I was there. He was very shy around anyone else and I worry now that he is scared and alone. It kills me inside. How do I get over those feelings of worrying about him? I know he is in heaven but he has never been around anyone but me. And when does the pain stop? I can't breathe, I can't sleep or eat. Everything that I do on a daily basis always involved him being there in some way and now he isn't. He actually gave me hugs!!! Oh how I miss his hugs. Mamma loves you peanut. And I miss you so very much. I'm sorry!
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Beesmom123
Peanutsmamma
I am so very sorry for your loss. It is so terrible to have to make such a hard decision , my experience was very similar to yours, 11 weeks ago on Tuesday
A shy ( with others) 16 year old cat I love more than life itself, I adopted my boy Byron at 8 weeks

I will be honest and tell you I am still grappling with the shock and struggling each day and the worrying , yes I still have this great need to care for and protect him

I wish I i could ease your pain , take comfort that you were with him and he knew that you were helping him move on, he is not suffering now

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble ,it's late and I'm pretty worn out , been one of the really bad days but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone and others care

Please hang in there

Diana
Bee- "Good night sweet prince & flights of angels see thee to thy rest"
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peanutsmamma
Thank you Diana. It helps to know I'm not alone. Today I had to go to work....1st time since he passed. He would always sit on the bathroom counter while I did my hair and makeup. Today he wasn't there. It was heart wrenching. I knew I would miss him but I did not know how overwhelming the pain would be. I am so sorry for your loss as well. I would like to think that all of our shy cats have found each other in heaven.
Thank you again. Hope you slept well
Dawn
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Beesmom123
Hi Dawn,
Thank you
I hope your first day back to work day goes well.
My boy would come into the bathroom and sit on a chair and watch me also
So many routines and reminders in every room, everything we touch. our lives revolve around them and it is so strange dealing with the new reality

Hold on to the good memories and try and take strength from them
This I am trying to do ... My B was such a gift, a real treasure..I want his legacy to be one of joy and love

Take Care
Diana
Bee- "Good night sweet prince & flights of angels see thee to thy rest"
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