Missyouchunky
It all happened so quick. I still think this is just a nightmare & I'll soon wake up. My chunky was just 3 years old. I feel so guilty & I just want her to know that I tried my very best to save her but things just got out of control so quickly. I'm lost without her, the world seems so scary right now. Chunky was my english bulldog, who had turned 3 years old on may 19 2016. She seemed perfectly healthy these past 3 years. It all started last tuesday, she stopped eating food & wanted nothing but water, she didn't know when to stop drinking so that's when I knew something was wrong. A few hours pass & all she wants to do is drink water. The next day I take her to her vet, but he said she wasn't dehydrated & gave her an appetite booster shot. Thursday comes & she's the same not eating but just drinking lots of water, I start to worry & try my very best to get her to eat anything but she would refuse. I take her again on friday to her vet & this is when my world turned upside down. She gets a blood test & the results come back & aren't good at all. Her liver & kidneys were failing, this is when I lost it & just started crying. I leave her with the vet & promise her everything is gonna be okay. The next day (saturday) we visit her to see how she's doing & she wasn't doing good at all so the doctor says he's gonna try his very best on trying to save her. Three hours later my phone rings & that's when I got the worst news, my poor baby had passed away, I didn't get to say goodbye to her, I promised her everything was going to be okay, idk what to do I can't stop crying. She was my everything. I suffer from panic attacks, she was the reason I would remain strong, she was the reason I got up every morning & now I'm a wreck idk what to do it hurts so much I can't sleep I can't eat. The worst part is she probably thought I just dumped her at the vet & wasn't coming back but I tried my very best I truly did. Now I don't know what to do with her remains it's so hard. Idk if I should cremate her or lay her to rest in my backyard. It's so hard.
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pottsy67
Omg, every feeling you have described there is how I have felt over my sweet westie Herbie.

He was 5 and went in for some x-rays because of a limp which then progressed to him having an operation.
The anesthetic reacted badly and they aborted the procedure.
His heart stopped, they revived him but a few hours later after we thought the worst had passed he died.
He was terrified of the vets and the last image of him in my minds eye is of him being basically dragged into the pre-op room.
10 hours later he had passed. 
I'm absolutely wracked with guilt and traumatised by the thought he may have thought I abandoned him.
The last 6 weeks I've wailed and cried til I pass out at night.
He was so sweet and innocent and trusted me totally and I couldn't be there to even
say goodbye and so he wouldn't be scared to face death alone.
I will never be the same. Never.
Rest gently my sweet sweet Herbie, you will always be my bups, my little fella.

I'm so sorry if I hijacked your thread, but your post reminded me exactly of how I've been feeling and reacted.
I've not been able to post about my loss until now, the tears were overwhelming.
I so so hope Chunky and Herbie are waiting at Rainbow Bridge for us. It's all I want.
God bless.
r m potts
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Roccosmommy
I'm so sorry for your loss. Bulldogs are so quirky and special. I lost my 7 1/2 year old English bulldog 2 weeks ago and every day is a battle.
I truly believe that while their body leaves us their spirit is still with us. Last week Rocco sent me a big time sign. I won't get into it but it gave me 100% certainty he knows what I'm going through with the this loss. So you may feel guilty and that's a normal feeling to have but I believe our dogs know the truth and know you didn't leave her behind at the vet.
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paulmoss
Oh god I'm so sorry, I have just joined this group as my boy passed away yesterday and I am in pieces. You are not alone, this doesn't help I know. Take care xx
Paul Moss
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winstonsmom12
I am so so sorry for your losses.  I lost my English Bulldog, Winston on 3/2/16.  You are right, Bulldogs are so special.  Winston, towards the end, all he wanted to do was drink gallons of water.  I didn't have the money for testing for him, but I could see him declining rapidly.  I know now that he had more serious problems than I thought.

I was extremely lucky to have him in my life for 12 years.  From your Chunky's description, I am thinking it may have been Winstons kidneys also.  I still grieve and cry for him everyday.  It wasn't until 2 months and 1 day that I got a sign from him.  It was a bone we had lost before he passed.  One day it just showed up on the rug in the middle of the living room.  Since then, I have seen a butterfly on his birthday 6/1/16 (would have been 13) and I find many coins on the ground, which I pick up and place them on his box and on my Max's box.  (Mini Schnauzer) who passed 9/05. 

I know exactly how you all are feeling.  Everyone on this forum is grieving a lost fur baby.  We are all in this terrible boat together.  Please feel free to express your grief in here.  There is always someone who can offer you support and relate to your feelings.  Blessings to you all.   Sue
Susan
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camunki
I am so sorry for the loss of your Chunky. I beleive that losing them too at such a young age tugs at the heart more, feeling they were jilted out of life. I lost one
of my dogs many years ago and she was only 4 1/2 y/o.

Please know you did all that could, you took your baby to the vet cuz you knew something was wrong, you did the right thing. Sometimes in life, and from alot of reading on these posts on this forum, out pets are taken out of our lives so quickly and some too so young.

YOu have time to decide if you want to cremate or bury your beautiful Chunky, and I too am trying to have hope and belief in the Rainbow Bridge and know that my recent dog(s) Munki and Daizy who passed in 2015 are safe and happy and having a blast up in their heavenly heaven, til we meet again.

Huge hugs your way...

Cam


 
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Missyouchunky
Thank you guys so much, our babies are up there healthy making new friends, waiting for us. I'm sure we'll get to see them again. It helps to know you guys truly understand but in reality I just wish we weren't going thru this. It changed me forever it's hard waking up every morning knowing she's not here. I'm traumatized knowing she took her last breath & I wasn't there to comfort her, it kills me. I'm sorry chunky please forgive me:( I can't decide what I want to do with her because I read online that they cremate a few dogs all at once, it hurts knowing I might not be getting her ashes. It's also hard if I bury her because if I ever move I won't be able to take her with me. I have until today to decide :(
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camunki
hi, the place near me that does the creamatory, does offer "single pets (your own" to be cremated individually, then at least you would know that all of your Chunky is with you...i'd check first with the creamatory and see, which i think and know that they would offer individual creamations....either way, take this day to think what will be best for you and your Chunky.

Remember, your Chunky remembers you at the vets office and knows how much you truly love her and yes, mornings are especially tough, since that is when we are
greeted by our beloved pets.

Cam


 
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Missyouchunky
The vet said she'll be by herself but I just don't know, there's no way of knowing if it's actually her. He said they'll take her to Los Angeles, I live a few hours away & I won't get her ashes back til 2 weeks. I don't know if I could make it that long without having her with me :( What would you do, bury or cremate?
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winstonsmom12
I had Winston cremated.  It is true, you never know if you'll be moving in the future.  I also had to wait almost 2 weeks for his ashes, due to a mix up of my phone number at the vets.  I thought I was going to go mad.  But they arrived and i was so Thankful to have him back in OUR home.I wish you luck with your decision.  Please let us know.  Blessings   Sue
Susan
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camunki
i too, for my own personal reasons had my previous pets creamated, individual creamation...that way i have the ashes all on my fireplace mantle to pick up and hold anytime i choose. I even plan, when my time on earth is over, to have my pets ashes in with my burial. The ashes, i am local, only took about 5 days til i picked them
up....2 weeks may seem like forever, but you would have your baby Chunky back in your arms. Think over what "you" would want and what Chunky would want...either creamation or a burial in your yard......and know we are here for you for whatever choice you make...

Cam


 
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Missyouchunky
This has been the hardest decision I have ever made, just thinking about it makes me panic. But we have decided to bury her in our backyard. I just think it's fair for her because she loved it back there. My sister is on her way to the vet to pick her up, it's heartbreaking but I just want her to rest peacefully. I miss her so much idk how I'm gonna get thru this but I have to remain strong. I'm gonna miss everything about her. Rest easy my baby chunky. My whole family misses you. I cant stop crying. To ALL the fallen fur babies, rest in PARADISE . We all miss you & we will be reunited again one day.
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camunki
ooooh Missyouchunky, yes this will be far the hardest thing for you to do....but as you said...rest in paradise......and you made a great choice on putting your baby in your own backyard, that is where she loved to be. I wish you strength tonite, as i know you will have a very difficult time doing this, but know you have so much
support and caring people here if you need to stop in later.....(((((hugs))))

Cam


 
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Missyouchunky
Thank you camunki, I really appreciate it. Yea it's very difficult :(
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camunki
hi, hope you are doing the best that you can today.....knowing the grief you are going thru with the recent loss of your baby Chunky......

Cam


 
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