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Max147

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hello everyone

I dont know how to explain this but I'll try. I'm very scared that my memories & my intense bond i had with my beloved Max will fade. I miss the life I had with him beyond words & I'm struggling to form a new life without him. I want the life back that i had with him so very much but i know i never will. I dont want the love I have for him to fade because it was so real & pure. But already I feel he's slipping away from me as I face a new future without him.

I seemed to accept that life goes on when my dear mum passed but I just cant seem to get past this with Max & I'm afraid to move on without him. I dont want my love for him to fade into something that was just a distant memory rather than something that was & is so special to me.

I dont even know what I'm trying to say I just want Max to come home as I dont know where he is & the world doesn't feel right without him.

Thank you & warm wishes to you all. Xx

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Mybeautifulboy

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Reply with quote  #2 
I completely understand what you are saying. I felt the same way. For me, once the intense pain of losing Bosco started to lessen my fear of forgetting about him started to set in. He died so suddenly that we had no time to prepare for life without him. I try to look at pictures of him as often as I can and I ask him daily where he is. I still don’t recall any dreams about him and this just adds to the sadness.
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Mistysmama

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Reply with quote  #3 
I know. I didn't feel that so much at first, but I did more as time went by.
The bond between my girl and I is so strong. But there would be many days when I felt I couldn't "find" her.
Then there would be days when I could "find" her (inside myself somehow.) And I felt my Heart open, and my love go out.

But those days when she seemed so far away were hard, because it felt like something was slipping away. And the memories of what we did felt like faded photographs -two-dimensional somehow.
Those things did frighten me too.

Empty days and nights....no connection....not one dream to remember.

But through all the years since she's gone, every now and again she will return maybe not for long, but just to show me without any doubt that SHE hasn't forgotten.
So I have learned to live on that faith and trust in her. It's amazing. I can't find her, but when she can SHE will find me, showing me that they haven't really gone -not irrevocably, and not forever.

It helps me with my fears of complete loss of a loved one and dear things to my Soul, and I think they may all do that, only we don't always recognise it when they do. We might just think we are having a "sentimental moment" when their contact comes in towards us (?)
I think she's showing me not only what she does, but probably what others do too, when there is a strong bond of love

I also think that her showing me occasionally, that she remembers, and loves me is a sign that she is waiting for me for sure. Otherwise why would she keep reassuring me she's still "there", still remembers, still loves?
And not to worry because on that level there is no forgetting.

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Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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Lis

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Reply with quote  #4 
I completely understand how you feel because I feel the same way. I ask my husband and daughter if they feel like we lost our Annie yesterday even though it's been over 5 months and they say no. I ask if they think about her all the time and they say no because it's too painful to remember. I, on the other hand, think of her and mourn for her all the time. I am afraid to stop thinking of her because I don't want her to think that I'm moving on without her. I completely understand you and I'm sorry that you are going through this pain too. Perhaps we can remember our fur babies one day and smile instead of cry. I do believe that we will never forget them. They are in our hearts and souls. Nothing can part that kind of a bond. Love does not end. They are, and always will be, a part of us. They have touched our hearts and we will have that forever. What a beautiful gift. How lucky we are to have that love and bond.
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Lis
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Max147

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Reply with quote  #5 
Hello Lis

Thank you so much for writing to me & I am so sorry for your loss of Annie, we are almost in the same place with our grieving as Max passed nearly 5 months ago

I too think of Max nearly every minute of every day & here i am again just woken up to a deathly quiet empty house sitting on the bed crying!

My husband & daughter never mention Max & I want to talk about him sometimes & tell them how much I love & miss him but they just brush me off as if I should be over it. My daughter says I have changed & she is right, I dont think I will ever be the same person.

I love what you say that our babies are part of our souls & always will be, I guess the rawness will fade but our love for them will never die. It's just so hard trying to move forward without them by our sides.

Warm hugs
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Max147

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Reply with quote  #6 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mybeautifulboy
I completely understand what you are saying. I felt the same way. For me, once the intense pain of losing Bosco started to lessen my fear of forgetting about him started to set in. He died so suddenly that we had no time to prepare for life without him. I try to look at pictures of him as often as I can and I ask him daily where he is. I still don’t recall any dreams about him and this just adds to the sadness.
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Max147

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hello Mybeautifulboy

Thank you for taking time to write & I am so sorry for your loss of Bosco.

I too talk to Max all the time & I keep asking over & over again "where are you"?. Its hard to accept the strong bond you have with your buddy is suddenly broken & they have just gone. I have never had a dream about him & I have never had a sign or felt him near me & I find that very upsetting being how much of a bond we had. I have a memorial to him in my house & pictures in each room but it feels so empty.

I am afraid of my new life without him as it feels so wrong.

Warm wishes
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Max147

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Reply with quote  #8 
Hello Mistysmama

You have written such lovely words. I hope in the future I can feel these things about Max. I am sorry for your loss.

For you to still feel that intense love for Misty after all this time gives me hope that the memories of Max will never leave me completely. At the moment I get small snippets of clarity but crashing waves of despair also. I want the life back I had with my baby but I know it will never happen & it terrifies me the thought of never seeing him again.

I have never had a dream about him, no signs or feelings of him being around & I try hard to believe I will see him again but I just feel empty & miserable.

Hopefully one day I will be able to accept what is & look back with a smile rather than tears. Lots of others like yourself have managed a way through but still have the love for their babies. I know I will always hold him in my heart , i just want max to know I will always love him forever.

Thank you for your comforting words, it's what I need to hear right now.

Warm wishes
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Lis

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Reply with quote  #9 
Yes, we are in a similar situation. I, too, want to talk about Annie, but I can't do it without sobbing. I also think that others feel that I should be over it and be able to move on, but I can't. Not yet. Maybe one day. Thank you for the hug. I am sending one back to you. You aren't alone. I'm with you. We all are.
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MiasMomma

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Reply with quote  #10 
I'm so, so sorry to hear that you're struggling. I have felt the exact same way. I lost my beautiful Mia almost 2 months ago and I, too, worry that I will start to forget her.

I think it's natural for some things to lessen as time goes on. It's normal for certain things to fade as you heal and continue to move forward. But I don't for one second think that we'll ever forget our beautiful fur babies. They were such an enormous part of our lives, and you don't just forget the kind of unconditional love that they show us. Sure, maybe you won't remember every little detail like you once did. But that doesn't mean that you'll forget them or the memories you made together. That kind of love doesn't die with them.

We recently brought another puppy into our home. I wasn't sure how I would feel, or how my other two dogs would react, but I knew I needed some new energy in the house. So, we took the plunge. And I can tell you that it hasn't, for one second, made me stop missing or loving my Mia. I still think about her every single day. But the new puppy has brought new life and joy into the house that we needed so badly. Moving forward isn't about leaving something behind. It's about starting yet another chapter in your story.

Whether we like it or not, the sad fact is that nothing/no one lives forever. And that's especially hard with most pets as we know they won't come close to living as long as a human does. Our job is to love them with our whole hearts, as they do us, and then let them leave this world as peacefully as we can when it's their time. It's painful, but it's the price we pay for having them in our lives. And then we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and keep moving forward, carrying with us all of the beautiful memories and the immense amount of love they gave us while they were here. 😉
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Max147

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Reply with quote  #11 
Hello Mias Momma, thank you also for taking time out to write. I am so sorry for the loss of Mia.

I have thought about getting a new dog but I'm nowhere near ready mentally to go ahead. Everybody is different I know & I've always had dogs but for some reason Max was my special boy & at the moment no other dog could take his place & I just couldn't give it the love it deserves. This is what worries me, I feel like I will never get through this loss I feel so different this time..

Maybe I'm not at the acceptance stage yet, it certainly doesn't feel like it & maybe it's going to take longer this time because of circumstances prolonging the pain (i lost my mum & my dad is very ill). Max was my little rock of normality through all this, always there for cuddles tears ,& laughter.

I hope you have many years of joy with your adorable new puppy & your existing family of dogs.

Warm wishes

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Max147

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Reply with quote  #12 
Thank you very much. I really wish you all the best & that your journey gets easier too, its so very hard 😢😢🐾🐕
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Max147

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Reply with quote  #13 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lis
Yes, we are in a similar situation. I, too, want to talk about Annie, but I can't do it without sobbing. I also think that others feel that I should be over it and be able to move on, but I can't. Not yet. Maybe one day. Thank you for the hug. I am sending one back to you. You aren't alone. I'm with you. We all are.
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MiasMomma

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Reply with quote  #14 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Max147
Hello Mias Momma, thank you also for taking time out to write. I am so sorry for the loss of Mia.

I have thought about getting a new dog but I'm nowhere near ready mentally to go ahead. Everybody is different I know & I've always had dogs but for some reason Max was my special boy & at the moment no other dog could take his place & I just couldn't give it the love it deserves. This is what worries me, I feel like I will never get through this loss I feel so different this time..

Maybe I'm not at the acceptance stage yet, it certainly doesn't feel like it & maybe it's going to take longer this time because of circumstances prolonging the pain (i lost my mum & my dad is very ill). Max was my little rock of normality through all this, always there for cuddles tears ,& laughter.

I hope you have many years of joy with your adorable new puppy & your existing family of dogs.

Warm wishes



I understand that completely. Mia was my special girl. She wasn’t just my pet, or even just a family member... she was my furry soul mate. I miss her SO much and still struggle with being without her. I’ve accepted that I’ll never find another one just like her. Getting the new pup was for all of us... for my husband and I and for the other dogs. The first couple of weeks after losing Mia were excruciating. There were times when I truly didn’t think I was going to get through it. The overwhelming guilt, regret and pain was unbearable. When I was finally able to get out of bed again, I knew we needed to change the sad energy in the house.

I’ll always have room in my home and my heart for more dogs. And Lord knows that there are so many of them out there that need good homes. Our new pup has been a tremendous help for our broken hearts and definitely good for some laughs. But I know that I’ve had my “once in a lifetime” dog and now she’s gone. I’m still learning to accept that my time with her is over.

You’re absolutely right. Everyone is different and you’ll know when the time is right for YOU to bring a new pup into your home. xoxo
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Max147

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Reply with quote  #15 
Thank you for your wonderful support, I think you have summed it up, Max was my forever once in a lifetime dog too. I know I will never ever replace him but like you say the energy in our house now is total sadness & desolation. I think given time I really hope i will happen upon a new buddy & that time will be just the right time.

Xxxooo
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