linaindre Show full post »
linaindre
jeff, you are so right - i am afraid to tell her name out loud...i'm so guilty, i can't change anything, i can't revive her, i can't pet her anymore, i can't tell her i love her, i can't do things better for her, i can't buy a better food for her just to keep her healthier longer, i can't buy her more toys for not feeling depressed because she can't run fields any more and chase birds or butterflies in summer time. when i walk at night, places where i were feeding them, my eyes seeking for her. it seems she will appear in front of me round the corner, she will be back as soon as i call her name like i did before to keep her in neighbors basement for night with all of her furry friends. it seems now she was so happy then. it seems i made a horrible mistake by taking her home ;'( she died in so pain because of stupid, monster me ;'( i had to put her down at least when vet told me there is no hope for her and any chance to survive ;'(
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Bigcatsdad
Don't ever be afraid to say her name, her spirit is visiting you to let you know she's OK and in a better place and to check on you too. She knows you really loved her and she loves you too. That's why she's paying you visits. That's why you feel so horrible because you had such a strong attachment to her and really loved and cared for her. One of the others on this forum said that the deeper the love we have for a little one, the deeper and more intense the grief is. Boy is that ever true.
Once a little more time passes and your heavy grief subsides a little I hope you can reflect a little and realize you are not the bad person you think you are. Lara knows that, I hope you can see that too.
-Jeff
Bigcatsdad
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linaindre
dear jeff,
how are you doing?
so sorry i haven't payed attention to your loss how you have payed for my.
couple of days ago, on facebook, someone posted a little cat photo (4 - 5 weeks old) only with 3 legs looking for forever home. her look was so similar to lara's.
i wish i could hold her one more time, but at the same time i wish she would never have had met me, because i'm a monster.
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