Just yesterday, we put our dog, Jack, to sleep.  He was not the healthiest of dogs but he always came through.  We took great care of him, fed him organic food and got his teeth cleaned every year.  He was almost 12.  I had him before I got married and before kids. 

I was not prepared for what happened on Sunday night.  He was very restless, couldn't get comfortable and would tremble in pain.  He hadn't slept in 2 nights and he was a dog who loved his bed! The pain got so bad that he was panting and would wimper as if to say "help me".  I felt so helpless and couldn't do anything to ease his pain. He couldn't lay down for very long because of discomfort.  I decided to take him to the emergency care at 3am.  They gave him a shot of a pain reliever and sent me home with another prescription to give him later.  Either one didn't work at all.  I watched him in pain for hours before the vet appointment.  He crawled under my son's bed and just trembled. I was very upset but hoped the vet could do something.

At the vet, he trembled uncontrollably.  The vet examined him and said he was in pain along his spine.  He gave us the option to have him stay at his office for a week while he gave him cortison in his spine.  I just couldn't bear to leave him there for a week. If the pain meds didn't work at home, than why would he be more comfortable there?  Does cortisone fix it?  Jack didn't like other dogs and would have been a nervous wreck, just missing us and being depressed.  I couldn't do that option but now I feel so guilty.  Should I have given him one more chance?

I am totally devastated.  I can't stop crying.  I can't eat or sleep.  My husband feels just as bad and it's hard to ease eachother's pain.  We just cried in bed all night worried about the decision.  We decided to end our dog's life and now we have to live with it.  I don't know if I can.  I just can't believe it happened and it is all over. The house is so empty and sad. He was still eating with a healthy appetite at the end but his pain was unbearable.  Did I do the wrong thing.  It's killing me inside.

A friend gave me this website and I am so thankful to be able to read other stories for comfort.
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Jack's mom,

I am so sorry to hear that you had to make that difficult decision for Jack. My heart aches for you.  You made many choices to save your baby and I think personally that you made the choice that I would have made as well.  Watching them in that kind of pain is unbearable and it could have gotton even worse if you had done the cortizone and taken him home.

Saying good-bye is never easy.  We always wonder if we could have done something more; we have more or less all felt that way.  Know that your Jack is safe now and doesn't have to endure the pain anymore.  The other day one person said here that she would gladly take the pain of grief so her baby didn't  have to suffer anymore.  That is true love and that is what you and your husband did as well. 

Thinking of all of you.

Karen,Kudo and Nico's mom
Earth mom to Marco and Bella
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I'm sorry for your loss. I'm going through the same thing. My Hayley was 17 years old and her pain got so bad we couldn't control it with meds. She was taking 3 different pain pills, valium and a muscle relaxer. She couldn't walk anymore, but she still enjoyed eating. The last 3 days she cried all the time if she wasn't sleeping. On Saturday we took her in and had her put to sleep. We always said we wouldn't let her suffer. But now my head knows we did the right thing, but my heart is broken and I feel like a murderer. I've been out of work for 1 1/2 years and every day was devoted to taking care of her.  I rarely left the house for more than an hour. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

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I feel your pain so much.  It is truly unbearable.  We, too, know in our heads that it was the right thing but our hearts are destroyed.  We played "God" and that is the hardest burden to carry.  My son who is 6 said, "Mommy, nothing in nature lives forever".  I don't know where he got that one, but he is right.  It had to happen sometime and the pain still would have been there.  We will get through this.  I have had a few posts so far (thanks, Karen and Pam) and it has already helped me a little.  We need to lean on eachother through this forum.  We understand the pain.  Every person on this, understands our pain.

I found a link on one of the forums

The whole article was helpful but this one paragraph stood out:

"Euthanasia is the grand master of guilt.  No matter how certain we are that we are doing what is best for the pet, few pet owners actually feel comfortable with this decision.  Very few can walk away from the vet's office without nagging doubts, without wondering what the pet felt or thought in that final moment, without asking whether we should have waited longer or tried harder.  Many of us feel guilty of literally killing a family member"

I, for one, will look for a self help book to get through this.  I will also visit this forum regularly to be with people who are suffering just like us.  Know we are not alone in this. 

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I am terribly sorry about your loss. We too had to put our beloved 11 1/2 year old Akita down last night. It was and still is the most devastating experience either my husband or I have ever experienced. Know that you are not alone.
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