Finsterhund
So my mom did it again
in case you're unfamiliar with my previous post here

My first childhood dog, named Spot, was taken from me after suffering abuse from my father.
Mom denied and gaslighted me about it until late 2019, when she mysteriously relented and also became kinder to me in general. Suspiciously.
Before then I didn't talk to her much because she was extremely emotionally manipulative and it's nearly impossible to tell when she's lying or if she's genuinely forgotten something due to that thing where you forget things when you get older.

In the past she also lied about my dog Jack, pretending he was alive for a whole year before I visited and found out the hard way that he was dead.

She did it this time too. With Zippy. Zippy, like Spot, was MY dog. Jack had been my brother's and Zippy's mom had been mom's.

December of 2018 Zippy got super sick, mom took her to the vet and tried desperately to help her get better but she eventually had to be put down on Boxing Day of 2018.

Just like Jack, mom hid that from me for an entire year. Once again she said this was "for my protection"

I had plans to have a visit this year to spend time with Zippy and get the elusive Spot photo negatives digitized.

I was feeling particularly lonely tonight and wanted to hear about what Zippy was up to in order to feel better after thinking a lot about Spot so I asked about her. And mom got all weird and quiet unlike the other times where she casually told me simple things that could easily be made up.

The whole "there's something we need to talk about" thing. Where she makes it very clear that something happens but I have to beg and plead in order for her to actually say what it is.

and I kept begging "you need to tell me" and "was it done?" and she kept fighting it and not telling me until she FINALLY relented.

I am so broken. She should have told me. I could have come immediately and gotten to say goodbye.
I've never gotten to be with any of my dogs when they passed.
"FoR mY PrOTeCtIoN" >:(

Tonight she also changed her story about what exactly happened to Spot. This time the SPCA came after neighbors reported the abuse and took her away.

Since mom has lied and refused to tell me things to "protect me" for every single one of my dogs I don't know if she's made up this new Spot story to try and comfort me after finding out about Zippy or if this is actually the truth. It sounds more believable than the "went to live on a farm" lie but why didn't she just tell it to me in the first place then?

Zippy is the dog I've spent the most of my life with. I trained her to be an ESA and I wanted to bring her with me when I left so bad. Awful landlords and heartless housemates prevented this. And now she's gone and I'll never be able to see her again. We weren't ready. She only lived to 13. She was always like a puppy. I thought she'd live forever. I just never thought she'd be able to die. I had this vision of her in my mind where she was incapable of aging. She never appeared to get older, she always stayed like she had been at a year old. Just as smart just as quick, just as full of small dog personality.

I can't stand this. I'm just coming to terms with losing Spot and then I'm thrown back into this hell by losing Zippy too.
I feel so mind-numbingly empty and hollow and like there's no reason to live anymore.

I thought I was getting better processing Spot. I was going to update my Spot thread with some positive happy news. About things I was doing to memorialize her. But then this happens and I'm back down at the bottom of the pit.

I know now why mom relented after all these years and let me have the Spot photos and was willing to talk about Spot to me. She felt bad that she wasn't telling me about Zippy. Probably explains why she stopped being as emotionally abusive over the phone too.

I'm sorry I didn't get to see you again Zippy. If I would have known I would have swam across the ocean all by myself to be with you again.
I love you so much. Please forgive me.
I'm sorry
[EQkB458XUAATKQ5] 
You were my leading light
Now you're somewhere free
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Lillymylove
You fathers needs to be locked up what a prick!!! hurting a beautiful little dog.give me five minutes with him I will show him abuse.
David 
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Gmr
I am so very sorry for all you have been through and your loss. Hugs. Zippy is so beautiful. She looks just like my Peanut that I lost in Nov. God bless you
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Finsterhund
Lillymylove -

I agree with you with every fiber of my being. He is a predator, an abuser, and has no soul. He deserves to rot in prison for the rest of his life. He has ruined the lives of everything unfortunate enough to be forced to live with him. My only consolation is that my dogs will never have to be near him ever again. They're safe forever now.

Gmr -

Thank you so much for your support. She really is. My pride and joy. Really showed how great a shih-tzu could be. She was gorgeous and always looked like a puppy. Peanut is so sweet too. I've never seen one with so little white on them. Her little ears are adorable.
You were my leading light
Now you're somewhere free
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