suitta
She was a feral when we met 15 years ago.  I did the right thing...TNR, but she kept hanging around.  She spent 6 months in the downstairs closet and for a while I thought it would be more humane to put her back outside.  But every night the food and water was gone so I kept up hope.  Slowly she came out, slowly she let me touch her head.  It took two years before she would come to my lap.  It was a struggle every day for her because she had learned so young to be so afraid.  I was never able to pick her up, but she would let me pet her and she would talk back to me.  For a while a few years ago I would wake up in the morning and she would be asleep on my pillow, but spend the rest of the day in the bedroom by herself.  I could go for hours talking about how much I loved this little girl.  Today I loved her so much I couldn't watch her suffer anymore with struggling for each breath so I took her to the vet and had her peacefully put down.  She is the first pet I've had to do this with.  I know I did the right thing, but the thing is I just miss her.  I just completely miss her.  
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Mistysmama
My deepest condolences. She showed you her love. For a feral cat that is a lot of love and trust. She knew she was loved in return, and you shared a precious gift with her.
And you were brave and helped her at the end when her body had given up.
What is her name?

The hollowness in those first days after they have gone is tremendous and everything feels lost and empty without them. The hardest thing can be to feel the love and know that it still lives. At first we can't; all we can feel is the utter emptiness.
But her gentle Soul does still love you. She might even be near you for a while before she transitions. And even when she has, you may sometimes sense her near you, as a 'visit'.

Bless her Soul, and my kindest thoughts to you, and a hug.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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suitta
She is forever The Momma Kitty. Empty is exactly the right word. It's 10 pm where I am now and normally I'd be up several times over the next hours checking on her. I have a feeling that tonight I'll be wandering around a bit. I feel like I need to talk to her. I want to kss her forehead and hear her purr.
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suitta
It's been almost 3 months since I told the story of Momma Kitty.  I know everyone is different, but here is what helped me.  I looked at the pictures I'd taken of her.  I deleted any of those where she looked at all compromised.  I watched all the videos I took of her.  And I went to the toy store and bought a small stuffed calico cat.  I kiss it on the forehead every night.  And I try to remember that she is waiting for me and she is happy and healthy and unafraid.  That last word tells it all for me.   
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LisaAndy
That is a great story. I also found some videos that I had forgotten about and watched them. You gave this kitty a great life. Had she been out in the world alone, she would have met her demise many years earlier and would have lived a life of hunger, cold and disease. The life of a feral cat is hard and they don't live very long. Bless you for taking her in and loving her. 
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exit30
Suitta, I know exactly how you feel. You gave Momma Kitty a loving home, something most feral's never experience, and that is something you can be both proud and happy of. Pet people are lost for a while after losing their special someone, it is an emptiness we all have felt, just allow yourself the time to grieve, reflect, cry, and be sad, it's the only way to recover. As I tell everyone, don't ever let anyone tell you how to feel, or to "get over it", Momma Kitty was a huge part of your life.  Come back here and post when you are feeling it, we have all been there.


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suitta
Momma Kitty has been gone one year today. I still miss her and talk to my little toy calico kitty and it helps. Thank you to everyone who replied to my original post. I guess over this year I’ve learned to listen to you all and really absorb that she had a good life with me and I do believe she waits for me. Blessings to everyone who has ever opened their house and heart to an animal. 🐈❤️
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