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Sayuri
jerigraehl wrote:
I lost my dog in a similar circumstance and he too died in an animal hospital. I have never gotten over it that I left him in the place he hated so much. I used to literally have to drag him in there. So it still makes me feel horrible just thinking about it. I lost my Tonkinese cat Khaomanee one month ago tomorrow. They wanted him hospitalized but due to waiting for 5 hours in emergency waiting for a 10 minute hydration proceedure I lost total trust in them They said he was acute and very dehydrated yet it took me getting furious and making a scene to get them to hydrate him. I took him home with fluids to inject. I turned out he had pancreatitis. But they did not even call to tell me. I took him in to the emergency again at the crack of dawn and that was when they told me what he had. I feel so bad because I had assumed he was in remession from his diabetes since he had had a bad reaction to the 3 injections I gave him. He appeared to be doing so well on his prescription diet for the prior 6 weeks. Then he got very very sick overnight. He was 15. And he had asthma which could have caused the bad reaction to the insuline. I should have been checking the glucose. I can't forgive myself. The last hour at the vets is so traumatizing to remember. I can hardly stand to think about it. He still looked so beautiful. He had advanced peradontal disease and it was recommended that he have his teeth pulled. I knew that would be very hard on him. So because of his age, his teeth and his pancreatitis and how sick he was I chose to euthanize him. I immediately wanted to change my mind and wait a few more days. I had been so traumatized by my dog dieing at the vet hospital... I was not thinking straight. I was so afraid of him suffering... Now tho.. I wish I had waited longer. I am glad I did not listen to them telling me to leave him at the hospital though. I had that last night and he was in a lot of pain. I just don't know how to process it as I am sure you understand. I am so sorry for your loss. It is so painful. And there are so many stages of grief. People are so insensitive too. The only place I feel understood is on this site. I don't know how I can go thru something this painful again. The joy and love they give is the only thing that makes us go back to adopt again. I am really suffering and I have to do it alone. I come here and read other's stories just to hold onto my sanity. I know how many animals get no homes or love and I know I gave Khaomanee a great home. I know that on a reasonable level... but I miss him so much. He was one of a kind, an individual... I know you know what  I mean.  The ashes I have here with the candles lit around it and his pics... It just feels so empty. I keep reliving the last few hours. I know you do to. I am so sorry for your loss. We all truley understand here on this site. Only time will make things easier. I pray we will see them in the next realm of heaven. I think thier spirits live on. Jeri
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Sayuri
I am so sorry about your dog that also died at the hospital like Sayuri. I have done so much research based on their medical records, and she shouldn't have been admitted. It shouldn't have been an option. Knowing she suffered for so long has been the worst feeling.

My cat who passed before Sayuri was diabetic, pretty similar to what happened to you. One day he wouldn't eat took him to vets, they said he had pancreatitis, his glucose was normal, I guess he was in remission but I hadn't taken him in for a glucose check in awhile. ER wanted $4,600 for visit plus two nights to give him IV fluids, I told them to just do fluids. Took him to get ultrasound, he didn't have pancreatitis, he had colon cancer, took care of him at home for three months until he totally stopped eating and his pain meds made him throw up. Two vets immediately told me to put him down, but the last three months together were glorious. He loved me brushing him, he ate the best food, took him outside to feel the sunshine, took tons of pictures.

With Sayuri I didn't even give her a hug when he took her for appointment. I partly blame him bc we've always refused to leave the hospitalized unless it looked there was no other choice. Sayuri was not terminal. Vet said she had a fever and she didn't. So many rushed, bad decisions that were made. She suffered. She was scared. Died alone. Today was a really bad day. Feels like meds aren't working and the counselor hasn't gotten back to me about scheduling appt.

I feel bad bc I have another cat that is sick but my grief doesn't let me do much of anything. I am doing nebulizer for her every day, only helping a little. Will have to take her in bc she can't clear all that mucus out as well.

Hope you are doing better. It was four weeks on Thursday since Sayuri's untimely death and I'm miserable.

Take care.
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Sayuri
Jerigraehl
I hope you are making progress in your healing. I have been talking to be Sayuri daily to ask for forgiveness. Trying hard to get images out of my head, but I think it will be years before I can get to that place. For some reason listening and watching music videos from the 70s transport me momentarily to happier times. I don't feel like talking to people. Everything sounds so shallow, I feel such emptiness. Best regards to everyone grieving. We loved them with all our hearts.
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Bdoggie
Sayuri, You did the best you could. You could not have known. You made the best decision you could, with what you had to work with.  There is nothing to say things would have been any different, if you had done something different. You don't need to be forgiven for loving your beloved Sayuri.

Believe in something better.....
Bill
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