lulu_060309
I just lost my beloved Lucas almost two weeks ago, and have never felt so sad or lonely in my life. I can't imagine crying any more but I can't stop. Everytime I look around the house there is a memory of him. I don't know how this will every get any easier.

He helped me through a bout with depression and later moved across the country with me. For six years he was the only family I knew, and nothing ever felt sad or scary because I had Luke.

I feel cheated out of time with him and constantly question whether I made the right decision. He has severe separation anxiety and while it was never easy, we managed for the six years we were together. I recently bought a house and he didn't cope well with the move at all to say the least. The sad part is I thought he would love this house, and he was a big part of the reason I moved here. The windows are nice and low so he can look out them easily, there is a front porch for him to relax on, it is close to his daycare, etc etc. I thought we just needed a few months of strict routine, increased meds, and training to get him back on track. He would no longer want to go to daycare and was hurting himself while we was there. At home he went ballistic everytime I got near a door.

It was so painful to watch him live like that. My sweet, sweet Lucas deserved so much more from life. I wish I could have given him more, or taken his pain away somehow. I wish he were still with me. I wish so many things. He went everywhere with me, and my schedule pretty much revolved around managing his anxiety. Day to day is so hard with constant reminders of him. His fur all over the car still, scratches on the wall. I could go on. I'm sure you all understand. I would do anything to have him back for just a minute again. Or to know that he is finally at peace, and he knew how much I loved him.
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Dalidog
I'm so sorry for the loss of your Lucas.  From your writing I can tell that you loved him unconditionally and did everything you could to help him.  So many stories of our babies leaving come after we move.  I did not know this at the time...I moved a month before my Dali left.  I, too, thought she would love her new house and yard.  She didn't get very long here.  I had just bought a truck and she scratched the door panel (inside) jumping up to look out the window.  Now every time I get in the truck I run my fingers across those treasured scratches.  Her pieces of hair have become my most valued possessions.

It doesn't get easier, just different.  Grieve however you need to..   Post pics and tell us about Lucas when you can.  It helps to share stories and let everyone know that Lucas matters.  Hugs to you and Lucas from me and Dali

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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miss_nibs
I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you right now. I can feel the pain in your words. I am also grieving terribly, so I can totally relate. I lost my girl after 14 years together on July 20. I miss her like crazy and still look for her and pray for her to pop her head out and meow at me. It's true, it doesn't really get easier, but it does get different in a good way. Now I more focus on happy memories instead of the last terrible memory. I can tell how much you love your baby (love, not loved, because love never goes away). Please do not feel guilty. You gave Lucas a great home and lots of love. I wrote my girl a letter and read it to her at her funeral and told her everything I wanted her to know, and it was really helpful to me. Thinking of you! Hugs.
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patent123
My dog has been gone 11 months now.  Like you mine was a constant companion who I turned to for love, friendship, strength, and she was most definitely family! When my girl died I to felt a lot of anger and unbearable sadness.  My girl was maybe 7/8yrs when she was put to sleep.  I adopted her so I'm not really sure. I always assumed that we would be together until she was 14+ years.  I'm sure you felt the same way about Luke.  Sadly the reality is that when you love someone no amount of time is enough.  You will always feel robbed in the end BUT I can say giving yourself time to feel your pain will help you accept things.  It took me a LONG time to get past that overwhelming pain/emotion I felt.  I am still sad and still miss my friend so much but I can look back now and know as hard as it was letting her go was the most humane loving gesture I could give her.  I know our few years together were AMAZING and I know because of her I learned so many lessons about being a pet parent and caring person.  Allow yourself to be sad, come here for support, and never stop talking about your friend.  I still talk about my girl and remember the good times. 

I found finding a way to honor her memory helped me heal in some ways.  I suggest when your ready to do something in memory of your dear friend.  
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lulu_060309
Thank you all so much. Your support means the world to me. I came home from work today and just cried all night. I can barely hold it together in public still. I don't know when this will stop, and I feel ashamed to tell people because I feel like I'm being judged for grieving like this.

I know I need to go out and build new friendships, but it's so hard being an introvert and after years of not being able to do much because of his anxiety. Despite that I met my closest friend though him - at the dog park or out on walks. IMAG0439.jpg 
We loved going to the drive in together.

I'll post more about him later. You've all been so comforting. I'm glad I found this forum.
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patent123
Maybe when the time is right for you you can volunteer at a rescue/shelter.  I know for some people this can be to hard but for myself I found it a great source of comfort. I was able to have that interaction with an animal that I missed so much with out committing to a new friend of my own.  It ended up being a way that I honored my girls memory.  I chose a dog that reminded me of her and I sent it various things and visited them for walks until they were adopted. They always say being with an animal is the best form of therapy and for me it was.  Lets face it animals are easier to bond with then most people so it really helped.  

With that never feel ashamed for feeling sadness.  You lost a very important part of your life and that takes time to heal from.  Many people won't understand your pain because unfortunately for them they have never had a special bond with an animal.  Just remember how lucky you were to have been given the time you did, the memories you made, and the lessons you learned from your beautiful friend.  If you feel like you can't talk to people around you then come here.  We all do it and in the end it really helps! 
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usa_online
I am so sorry for your loss. I relate to much of what you have written. In particular living alone..and when your dog was in a way your life partner. I know mine was. You are going through a very normal phase. Do not worry about how you are coming across to others. You are entitled to your feelings and your reactions.
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lulu_060309
I do want to volunteer at a shelter when I'm ready. Thinking about it seems too hard now, as I know they will all remind me so much of Lucas when I first got him. He was so skinny and recovering from heartworm. Scared of every noise he heard. He used to have accidents every time we pulled the shower curtain back to take a shower. He came such a long way, but ultimately not far enough. It was so hard to see him suffer so much in the end, especially when we had made so much progress. Even though I did what I thought was best for him, I'll always question if I could have done more, tried something different, gone to another behaviorist for a second opinion. Losing him and not being able to go for walks with him, hug him, or play one of his silly games has been unbearable. I feel like I'm barely holding it together, and hope that one day my pain is eased.

I am so grateful to have had him in my life. I learned more about patience, sacrifice, and love from him than I ever could have without him. I know he has much more to teach me about letting go and forgiveness, and embracing each day. Even if it's without him. 
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lulu_060309
always his favorite pillow. his soft snoring noises would lull me to sleep
IMAG0256.jpg
 
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ahartofilis
Hello Sarah, Thank You for the kind words on my thread about Coco. It really meant a lot to me.
   I am sorry about Lucus. He looks adorable. You had such a strong connection with him. It seems that you did a lot to help him along. I am discovering that when we adopt a pet, there often comes along a past that we know nothing about and probably don't want to. You tended to him and he was very loved by you. You were his savior and he will never forget it. I feel for your situation. I also had some anxiety issues with Coco from time to time. She was pretty high strung and very attached to me. I could not easily leave her with others or alone for long. Yet I loved her with all of my heart, as you did Lucus.
       Your pain will ease with time. I remember all to well how surreal and unbearable those first few weeks were. Believe me, it is normal to feel the way that you do. I was only going through the motions of daily living for a while. True grief is very painful. It is so difficult to adjust to our beloveds not being there, it still as for me after 7 month's. Be kind to yourself and allow the feelings to come. We need to feel in order to move ahead. I have learned a lot these past few month's. My heart has been broken yet I wouldn't change one day of having my special girl Coco. I think you feel the same about Lucus. He came into your life for a reason. 
       Please know that I am thinking of you, take care of yourself.................Sincerely, Andrea.
        
    
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CB
Please never let anyone judge you for your grief. You gave a wonderful gift, six years of unstinting love. You have suffered a massive loss after giving Lucas so much. As many have said here, true grief is very hard. Your connection to Lucas was a meeting of true love, it will take time. Crying is the natural outlet and you need to do it for as long as you need to do it.
The reminders are hard, after time they become memories.
The pictures of him tugged at my heart.
I sincerely mean it when I say I admire you greatly for what you did for Lucas and for the life you gave him. I wish you comfort.
Love you forever and ever and I will be there for you xx
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LB
Hi Sarah,

How are you doing? I've been thinking about you today. That is a great picture of him above--looks so happy and content.

It's so true about how our pets teach us so many lessons just by being themselves. Mine taught me so much about love, what it's like when you don't have to keep your guard up, trust, patience, and so much more.

You did enough and were enough for Lucas. He knows it and loves you for it.
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Ana
I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you lost your Lucas. I lost my Leo on 8/13. It sounds like you were trying so hard to make his life the best it could possibly be. Not many dogs have someone buy a new house because they thought it would make their furbaby happier. The fact that he died after you moved caught my attention because I  just moved to a new part of the country 2 months ago. Leo seemed to be happy here. Now I am wondering if he wanted to see me moved and settled before he passed on. I wish I had some advice to give you but I am feeling totally lost.  I can tell how much you loved Lucas and how hard to tried to help him. I am so sorry. I will keep you in my heart and prayers. ~ Larchana
Larchana Behrends
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