irishtigerlily
My 14 year old dog, Bailey, passed away 2 weeks ago. I knew it was coming because he had been showing signs of age the last couple of months. His last walk was in the Spring, because he was panting so hard and could only make it about a block. After that, we took him to the vet, and described his other symptoms: not wanting to get up to greet us, no longer playing with his toys, and not eating his hard food. We had hoped it was a tooth or something bothering him, but the vet stated that Bailey was in the last stages of life. 

I was absolutely devastated that my puppy since high school was going to be gone one day and his wonderful, loving self would be gone from this world. I took it hard, but I became his primary caregiver from that point on.

Bailey had a couple of days throughout the months in which he didn't want to eat anything, but he would eat his soft food like a champ. I thought maybe the vet was wrong. Until 2 weeks ago on Friday night. He had eaten his breakfast wholeheartedly but refused anything beyond that. He didn't want to go outside until about 10~10:30 PM but almost immediately sat down. His breathing seemed off, and I told my mother who was in denial. She assumed he was just having a rough day, but I knew better. My dad was half asleep when I asked him what to do, and he more or less agreed with my mother.

**Warning, Graphic**
I got him inside, but noticed his breathing continued, and I decided to stay up with him all night in the living room. My dad did as well and we brought out pillows and blankets to sit with him. About an hour and a half later, Bailey began panting really hard and got up, but he started tripping and falling. I immediately woke up my parents who decided it was time to take him to the vet.

As I dressed, I came back downstairs and got a large blanket to put him onto. Bailey is a lab mix and weighed about 90 pounds. As my dad was comforting him and turning him onto the blanket, Bailey stopped breathing. I saw his head kind of fall back and I was absolutely terrified the entire time. I yelled, "He't not breathing!" And he took a couple of breaths, and he was gone. My dad was petting him the entire time calming talking to him as he passed. My mom began screaming at him to come back. And I sat there absolutely shocked.

My beautiful puppy left the world. I truly feel like world had lost a precious soul that day. And it haunts me. I replay it over and over in my head. He should have been taken to the vet...there was more we could have done...we made him suffer...etc etc. The only consolation I have is knowing how much Bailey hated the vet and how anxious he would get. He passed away at home and surrounded by me and my parents. 

I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and hope he can forgive me. I miss him so much every single day. His bark, his giant sighs of comfort when he slept, his tag on his collar jingling as he walked, his eyes always watching and waiting for that table scrap, and his happy dog smile as I walked into the door and wagging of his tail. I just miss him so darn much.
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LisaAndy
So sorry.  In this forum most of the dogs die of some horrible disease. But sometimes it is just old age, the body gives out. Therefore you don't have a diagnosis to work with, so the decision to euthanize is more difficult, I think. He died with all of you surrounding him with love. You should remember that. It seems that no matter what we do, no matter how our dog dies, all of us carry guilt for how things went. This is just one of the stages of grief: guilt. We all have it even though you have  nothing to feel guilty about. If you had him euthanized, I bet you would also be feeling guilt! 
It is obvious how much you loved him! You did the right thing!

I am very sorry for your loss.
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irishtigerlily
Thank you so much for your kind words. I was having a really rough night and this helped. Thank you.
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Bono1983
Crying while reading! So sorry for your loss!
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JoyAlane
I'm so sorry. It is just heartbreaking. I know grief is so hard. Those of us on this site understand the unconditional love and the devasting loss. I will be praying for you. My little Rowdy crossed over last August 6th, 2016. I did a few things to try to help my grief and depression. One book I found, "Biblical Proof Animals Go To Heaven" . It gave me hope and some comfort. I don't know if you would be interested in it. God Bless you. Again, I'm so sorry I pray for healing and peace for you and your family.
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Susie_Squillions
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, and about your continued torment. Try to hold on to the wonderful life Bailey had with you. Those beautiful and entertaining memories will sustain you on this path to recovering from the disturbing end of his life. Remember that he was at home, surrounded by the love of his family at the end. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time. 
In one of the stars, I shall be living. In one of them, I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night. -- The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

All tears are healing tears.  They help to wash away our sorrow and allow the first buds of happiness to blossom in our hearts. -- Susie "Squillions"

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Missing_Rosie1017
Hi there.

So sorry for your loss.  Please don't blame yourself.  I had a dog that was 14 when I was 14 and saw the same thing happen.  It was her time and she didn't suffer at all.  I too saw her take her last breath.  It took a while to get over seeing what I did, but even if you brought Bailey to the vet, there wouldn't have been anything they could have done.  You were with him to the last minute where he felt comforted...keep that close to your heart.
Denise Von
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irishtigerlily
Missing_Rosie1017 wrote:
Hi there.

So sorry for your loss.  Please don't blame yourself.  I had a dog that was 14 when I was 14 and saw the same thing happen.  It was her time and she didn't suffer at all.  I too saw her take her last breath.  It took a while to get over seeing what I did, but even if you brought Bailey to the vet, there wouldn't have been anything they could have done.  You were with him to the last minute where he felt comforted...keep that close to your heart.


Thank you, it means a lot to me. 
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irishtigerlily
Susie_Squillions wrote:
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, and about your continued torment. Try to hold on to the wonderful life Bailey had with you. Those beautiful and entertaining memories will sustain you on this path to recovering from the disturbing end of his life. Remember that he was at home, surrounded by the love of his family at the end. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time. 


Thank you for your kind words. Death is never easy and I have always struggled with the idea of it. I think it's one of the reasons I am having such a hard time with it in conjunction with loosing my puppy. 
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irishtigerlily
JoyAlane wrote:
I'm so sorry. It is just heartbreaking. I know grief is so hard. Those of us on this site understand the unconditional love and the devasting loss. I will be praying for you. My little Rowdy crossed over last August 6th, 2016. I did a few things to try to help my grief and depression. One book I found, "Biblical Proof Animals Go To Heaven" . It gave me hope and some comfort. I don't know if you would be interested in it. God Bless you. Again, I'm so sorry I pray for healing and peace for you and your family.


I'm going to check this book out. I hope one day I get to be with him again.
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