Today I went and picked up his ashes and brought my Bubbie home.  I didn't make it to the parking lot before the tears started flowing.  I couldn't believe that all I had left to hold of my sweet little man was in the bag I was carrying.  My heart broke all over again.  His urn is wooden with a place for a picture.  I found one of my favorites and he now rests in a place where I can see him everyday. 

I miss him so much.  I keep waiting for him to come running to me...I can actually see him doing it in my mind.  I don't know if I have quite accepted that he is gone because when I think about never being able to touch him again, I can't breathe.  I just shut out the thought.  He was such a part of my life.  He was the sweetest, most handsome little fellow.  And did he like to talk!  My other cat Fritzi, who is 16, isn't much of a talker and it is so quiet now that he is gone.  I think she has been looking for him because she just sits and meows sometimes and like I said, she isn't much of a talker. 

I finally got out of the house for the first time last night outside of going to work.  I know I probably needed it, but I felt so quilty, like I wasn't honoring him memory.  But then I got the call that his ashes were ready and the sadness came crushing back down.  My husband had a hockey game tonight and I just couldn't bring myself to go.  I just don't feel like putting on a happy face. 

I want him back so bad.  Bubbie I miss you and I want you to know that I love you so much and not a minute goes by that I don't think about you.  My heart aches and there is nothing that can help. 
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Dear Melissa,

It's so hard to bring them home in such a different form.  I'm glad you have a container for Bubbie's ashes that you like, and that you feel does him justice.  Of course the reality hasn't hit you yet.  It's been such a short time after a lifetime of such true love.

You and your husband are both in my thoughts and prayers as you adjust to life without Bubbie in your home physically.  He will always be there in spirit.  Please try to release the guilt of going out and doing something for yourself.  Bubbie knows you have a life, and he wants you to live it.

I just recently ordered a box with a tile of a portrait of T.J. on it.  I have attached a picture of another kitty's tile, done by the woman who is going to make mine for me.  She does wonderful animal-related ceramics.  You can see most of her work at:  Nina's Big Store  I am so excited about finally receiving a proper container for T.J.'s ashes.  Nina and I have discussed both the box with the memorial tile and one of her custom vases (picture also attached ~ this one is Nina's kitty, Marybeth with her own vase), and I think we have pretty much settled on the box with a tile for now.

My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley




In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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I know how you feel, I picked up Mia's ashes and by the time I got to the car I was a hysterical mess. I had to sit for 10 minutes before the agony subsided. I have put her beautiful wooden box on the mantle where I can look and talk to her everyday. It is 6 weeks today and it's 6 weeks that I have kept on living without her. You will feel comfort in Bubbie being at home with you. I can't say how long it takes to feel better, it's 6 weeks and I think I feel worse at times. My thoughts are with you xx  

Mia Jessie aged: 11 years. Always our puppy girl xxxxxx
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