Baileysbro
I had lost my dog friend Bailey who I had since a puppy back in 2016.  It was a devastating loss.  He died in front of me.  And although he didn't lose his appetite, he started to lose the ability to walk let alone get up, I needed to to help him, it took me months to cope with his loss.  4 months after Bailey passed, I lost one of my cats, Tinker another devastating loss.  
Fast forward to 2017, Bela came into my life, a small very cute pomeranian, she was rescued from a puppy mill and who knows how well they are treated there?  She was 7 years old and very cute.  Love at first sight. Coming from having large dogs, German Shepherds, Newfoundland, Lab, and Bailey who was a Golden Retriever, to adopt a small dog such as a Pomeranian, I never thought I would but as fate would have it we met each other--my idea was to go for a border collie-I had her for 3 beautiful years until I found her dead.  
The situation around her death perplexes me, Bella and I shared a lunch on Friday, everything was normal.  We were staying in my mother's house since she was in rehab recovering from a broken hip, it had been very hot and humid lately and my mother unde my sister's influence decided to have the house sprayed for fleas and under my protest,  Bella had to go to the groomers for a flea bath, she's been a few times before, but they wouldn't clip her due to covid 19.  Made no sense to me, So my brother told my mother he would clip her--no experience--to which I protested--I could not do it myself as I have an injured arm, and he cut her with the clippers. I found that after she was deceased and it pissed me off, Well this was the day of the spraying, I had to be out of the house for four hours, Bella was out of the house for a lot longer and she seemed exhausted but fine, she had a busy day and kept o herself.  That was Saturday.  On Sunday morning still a little tired but alert, she changed her places from bedroom to living room as normal and seemed  more alert and herself, I pet her and told her I loved her made sure she clean fresh water frequently during the course of the day.  Due to the heat, she really wasn't eating her food but she would share my lunch, it was our thing.  But other than that she would eat when she was hungry usually at night.  I went about my day leaving Bella where she was after I pet her and told her I'd see her and that I loved her and she seemed happy.  Upon my return that is when I found her dead, I'll never forget that it was awful and to me makes no sense.  I can't eat lunch and haven't since she died. It was our thing.  Every trip to the vets was a clear health except one slight problem, tracheal collapse a terrible cough, of which she was being given medication for.  Her death makes no sense, and the guilt that I Left her alone is devastating, and tht I think having the place sprayed didn't help. When I found her it looked like she was in the process of relocating as her usual habit.  I haven't been sleeping well at all and would have bouts of crying.  Maybe I should've told my brother to keep her over night due to the spraying. The doors and windows were open for ventilation, but her death makes no sense.  Her eyes were open when I found her and I'm going crazy wondering what transpired during the time she wasn't with me.  She didn't look like she died in pain. Oh how I miss her. She's buried in the backyard next to Tinkie and Bailey.  I have no answers.  The picture shows Bella anticipating lunch taken back in February of this year.  RIP Bella, wish we could have longer.bellalunch.jpg 
Bailey
October 31, 2002 - April 19, 2016 10:25 P.M.
My best friend, my companion, my love

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Jan_H
I am very sorry for your loss of your sweet, adorable Bella. It's normal to feel guilty but please remember the wonderful years you gave her after possibly some not so wonderful years at the puppy mill. It's not unusual for puppy mill dogs to have health issues. Maybe she had an unknown condition that you couldn't do anything about.

I hope in time memories of the three beautiful years with Bella can bring you some peace.

My condolences,
Jan
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jasminbailey
Baileysbro, I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby. Please do not feel guilty of leaving your beautiful Bella. You did what you think was better for her! Im sure if you did the opposite, you would still feel guilty for doing that too! I lost my baby Bailey 2 months ago. I still have mix feelings! I still feel guilty of why I did that or why I didn’t this! We love our babies so very much and this is the reason we feel guilty! For your babies passing away, I can tell you that don’t worry she probably had no pain when she was passing! My precious Bailey gave his last breath in my arms! He first released his urine on me, then his head felt on my shoulder! He had some small muscle twitching! It didn’t took so long for my only baby to gave his big and last breath! His eyes were also slightly open! I’m telling you that because I want you to know that this is normal! Again I’m so sorry that your going through this! May your baby Rest In Peace and Hugs for you
Jasminbailey
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Baileysbro
Thank you both, but I can't help but feel it should not have been, it was too early.  I have pictures, though not many,  and memories but their not the same. I see her favorite toy, her dog dish, her harness--she loved walks though during the heat, we didn't go on any, I didn't want to over exert her--and her favorite spots where she liked to lay.  No longer to be used by her, it makes me sad as sure the same with your loss.  It's a compound grief as Bella is the freshst, my grief over Bailey, Tinker and all my past animal and bird friends who are long gone, is renewed.  Each was unique and special.  I know moping, crying, and wondering isn't going to bring Bella back, it's my process and I have to go through it. It just should not be.
Bailey
October 31, 2002 - April 19, 2016 10:25 P.M.
My best friend, my companion, my love

[e8de4bc1-77ae-4da2-9834-109b68b6cda8]

[Paws-for-the-News-Grieving-the-loss-of-a-pet] 
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