Mstlvdogz
Last year i lost my dog to the road. 9/30/17. Ill never forget that date. I still feel so guilty. I cant ever talk about her without crying. Ill never forgive myself for allpwing such a mindless person to watch my babies. Does the guilt ever go away? Will i ever be able to speak of her or wat happened without a mental collapse? I feel like i let her down as her mommy n protector.
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Tankie12
I’m sorry this guilt has been with you for so long. You’re doing the best thing u can do by writing about it. We feel responsible for everything that happens to them because we love them so much. They are our babies. I don’t know what happened but you didn’t expect leaving her would have resulted in a tragedy, you weren’t in control of the situation. I’m glad you’ve reached out for support no one should be alone carrying this burden. Grief on its own is hard enough,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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Mstlvdogz
Grief really is like an ocean....comes in waves. Somedays im fine. Other days i break...n thats without even mentioning it. I feel like i have PTSD from seeing her dead body.
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Tankie12
You probably do, but I don’t think it’s a disorder to see something horrific that’s happened to someone you love and have that tear you apart. It’s damn hard to process, and you’ve been feeling responsible for it💔,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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Mstlvdogz
It feels like one wnen i cant even drive down the area where she was found without losing it. For weeks after i couldnt look at him without seeing her in his eyes. I only stayed with him bc i knew it wasnt done on purpose...but his neglect caused it. The relationship has since ended. I just wish i never met him....never forgave him....he didnt deserve it. I felt like i was disrespecting squirrel just by being with him after that.
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Tankie12
Everything you’re feeling is normal. Things are complicated, it was someone you were involved with. Now the relationship is over and you feel like if you’d never been in that place it wouldn’t have happened and it’s your fault. You’re not at fault for this persons actions or lack of, unless you invisioned it. But I completely understand trusting another to be responsible, as you would, and than feeling like you should never have and should have know better in the first place. You didn’t disrespect Squirrel by trying to forgive somebody who you know didn’t do it on purpose. Squirrel would have forgiven him. I get that you don’t ever want to drive down that road, neither would I, ever. Their are things I will never do again. Not being dramatic but I know what I can and can’t handle. What’s going to bring this grief out into a sink to your knees with your head in your hand all out lose it session. I have enough of those ready to spill out already.
It’s been almost a year for you but I don’t think you’ve had your time to claim your pain. I may be wrong but I have a hard time seeing how you gave yourself the right to go through it within the relationship. You were so angry with him while trying to forgive him and those are 2 strong emotions to be wrapped up in the same time period.
Writing helps, a lot. You won’t find any judgment here and that free’s up a lot of held in feelings. If you’re comfortable share something about your angel. What’s her name? If you feel comfortable I’d love to see a picture,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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Mstlvdogz
It was impossible to mourn when living with him. Ive had so many of those cry sessions...i cried for days....like as soon as i woke up id be crying. I felt so much guilt for sleeping while she was out there that i think my grief would surface upon waking up everyday. I walked for hours....for 2 days she was missing. I didnt work. I didnt do anything but walk n yell for her. Her name is squirrel. On the 3rd morning we found her on the side of the road. While i was sleeping she was dying...prob wondering where i was. Cold n hungry. So much guilt. I tried to upload a pic n it wouldnt work. Maybe bc im on my phone
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MAlcindor
Mstlvdogz wrote:
It was impossible to mourn when living with him. Ive had so many of those cry sessions...i cried for days....like as soon as i woke up id be crying. I felt so much guilt for sleeping while she was out there that i think my grief would surface upon waking up everyday. I walked for hours....for 2 days she was missing. I didnt work. I didnt do anything but walk n yell for her. Her name is squirrel. On the 3rd morning we found her on the side of the road. While i was sleeping she was dying...prob wondering where i was. Cold n hungry. So much guilt. I tried to upload a pic n it wouldnt work. Maybe bc im on my phone

I am so, so sorry for what happened to your Squirrel. It is so horrific to go through something like that. It is difficult enough to grieve, add the guilt and you can drive yourself crazy. I lost my Bailey to a dog attack from which I had to pry him out of the other dog's mouth. I still relive the moment it happened and it brings me to my knees most times so I know what you are feeling. Talking about it and crying openly with people who understand is what has helped me the most. Everyone in this forum is so understanding, we don't have to lie about what we are feeling because they are living it. I hope you keep coming back and write about your Squirrel.
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