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opus

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Posts: 44
Reply with quote  #1 
Hello.

I had to put my beloved tabby cat Jace to sleep on 9/20/18. He was six when he died. I had him since 2016. I was his third home.

Jace had cancer and he lived much longer than anticipated after diagnosis, but that doesn’t make his loss hurt less.

When I took him in to put him to sleep I could hear him crying in the back when they put in his IV port and he came back to the room growling. I was very upset that he was upset-I made the decision to not prolong things and had him put to sleep right away. Maybe I should have tried to comfort him before they put him to sleep. I have been caught up in those moments that didn’t go as well as they might have and in my decision to just go ahead rather than try to comfort him. At the time I thought it would just make things worse.

I know I can’t change those events.

I am panicking when I think about not being able to see and hold Jace anymore. I find myself hyperventilating at times.

I have been crying and anxious for hours today.

I have been unable to distract myself/do other things.

I feel very alone and I don’t know what to do.

Attached Images
jpeg 8A439370-FF44-4D58-AE02-7F0E3D760044.jpeg (2.96 MB, 2 views)


__________________
Jace, I love you greatly and I always will.
Be free from pain and disability and take joy in your new life across the rainbow bridge. May we be united again someday.

In the meantime I hope I can find peace and the support I need to get through this pain.

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ceebzftw

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Posts: 5
Reply with quote  #2 
My sweet Boo Radley died probably minutes before I walked in the door and found him, and my husband lay asleep on the couch. We were not there for him, we couldn't stroke him and tell him everything was ok and we love him. I know your torture. I don't know what happened to my healthy three year old baby boy. My only hope is that his living companion Pooter was there for him. It's hard. I don't feel normal in my own house. I hope that ends soon. I don't know if it will. Just know, it's natural to be out of sorts (kind way of saying effin' nuts). Because when something we know and love in our daily routine is ripped away, we can't NOT go a little nuts. So don't feel like it's weird to feel weird. Time. That's all I can say. Time will bring a new normal and hopefully a comfort to you. I will be thinking of you.
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opus

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Posts: 44
Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you, ceebzftw,
I am sorry to hear about your Boo Radley.

__________________
Jace, I love you greatly and I always will.
Be free from pain and disability and take joy in your new life across the rainbow bridge. May we be united again someday.

In the meantime I hope I can find peace and the support I need to get through this pain.
0
ceebzftw

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Posts: 5
Reply with quote  #4 
Thank you, im sorry you're still feeling not normal. I want.tobelieve this will not be so painful soon, but I do t really tho k so. But I do know that there is nothing else but time we can rely on. And I do know that sometimes times taken offers up opportunity to heal on unexpected ways. So just be open.
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ceebzftw

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Posts: 5
Reply with quote  #5 
And I forgot to say, he is beautiful.
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Araki

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Posts: 2
Reply with quote  #6 
Opus,
I, too, lost my baby, Maya chan, on September 20. She was an eleven year old Blue Russian dilute--the love of my life--my soulmate.. I totally empathize with what you are feeling---my days are similar---I feel as though I have fallen into a black hole and the world is whirling around me.
My girl had heart disease, (DCM) and we were bringing her to the specialist for an
echocardiogram to further evaluate treatment possibilities. But she had been compensating for her heart issue at home in her quiet, comfortable home, with the help of medication, and the long trip to the vet exacerbated her condition and after emergency measures, including an oxygen chamber and various injections followed by CPR we lost her..
I am beating myself up for taking her there, instead of keeping her at home.My vet said that in any case, Maya chan had been on the edge of a cliff, but my guilt keeps coming back to haunt me.
I guess we will both have to walk through this fire until we don't anymore--so to speak. I am sending you white light to help with your pain.
Araki




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opus

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Posts: 44
Reply with quote  #7 
Araki,
thank you for the white light and for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear about the traumatic way you lost Maya chan.

I realized overnight that I am not only grieving the loss of my handsome boy Jace.

Jace came into my life near the end of my 20 year old cat Tabby’s life. When I had to put her to sleep he was here to comfort me through my pain, although I still grieved long and hard for my twenty year old friend and companion.

And when Jace began exhibiting sign of illness (cancer) my best human life long friend CL fell dead unexpectedly. I chose to have Jace have surgery to remove the cancer partly because I couldn’t stand to lose my best friend CL and my Jace at once.

It is coming to be the anniversary of my friend CL’s death.

So I find that I am not “only” mourning my Jace. I am mourning for CL and am having anxiety about death in general.

I know that others too must feel a link between a loss of their fur babies and other important people or significant situations in their lives.

- - -

Jace, I love you greatly and I always will.
Be free from pain and disability and take joy in your new life across the rainbow bridge. May we be united again someday.

In the meantime I hope I can find peace and the support I need to go on.

__________________
Jace, I love you greatly and I always will.
Be free from pain and disability and take joy in your new life across the rainbow bridge. May we be united again someday.

In the meantime I hope I can find peace and the support I need to get through this pain.
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EevaTeddy

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Posts: 103
Reply with quote  #8 
Opus,

I am so heartbroken for your loss of Jace and CL. 

I know how it is to lose a young soulmate friend. My cat Teddy, who I believe was my soulmate, died from cancer at age 6. Super unexpectedly and within a week. I am still traumatized from his euthanize and how it all went down. 

I hope that you find peace by journaling and connecting with others on this forum. It's the only thing that has gotten me through this time.

Sending you love and light and healing,

Emily

__________________
i see you in my dream my sweet little boy
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opus

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Posts: 44
Reply with quote  #9 
Thank you Eeva Teddy (Emily),

This afternoon I am anxious/tearful/down again or should I say still.

I picked up Jace’s cremains today.


__________________
Jace, I love you greatly and I always will.
Be free from pain and disability and take joy in your new life across the rainbow bridge. May we be united again someday.

In the meantime I hope I can find peace and the support I need to get through this pain.
0
CK1991

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Posts: 516
Reply with quote  #10 
opus, I'm so sorry you lost Jace. It's easy to second guess our decisions and punish ourselves. If you'd tried to comfort Jace the flip side is that it could have been worse. He was in pain and distraught. You loved him enough to want to do the best thing for him by not prolonging his pain. It's sad that in only six years you were his third home but for half of his life you loved him and gave him a loving home. You're a kind soul for doing that. He was such a handsome cat! You've also had your 20 year old cat die only 3 years ago and your human friend, CL, so you have a lot of sadness in your life now. Take it one day at a time and even one hour at a time of you have to. It's good that you've shared your story and I agree with Emily. You should continue to post updates on how you are doing. It's a good place to share. I notice you brought Jace's cremains home. I found it both sad and helpful at the same time when I brought my little dogs's ashes home. I hope it brought you some peace. Hugs to you,
CK
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ClarasHusband

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Posts: 31
Reply with quote  #11 
Quote:
Originally Posted by opus
Thank you Eeva Teddy (Emily),

This afternoon I am anxious/tearful/down again or should I say still.

I picked up Jace’s cremains today.



Yeah I have to pick up Clara's urn tomorrow and I know it won't be easy.
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opus

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Posts: 44
Reply with quote  #12 
Hello to you,

It has been awhile since I posted. I have been starting new threads each time I visit and I see now this is not the best way to go so I will try to stick to this one.

Thank you for your replies. Hearing from others helps.

I am feeling blue at the moment over losing Jace. I have been pretty emotional the past few days. The time change always affects my mood anyway...

I had a little luggage tag made at Shutterfly with Jace’s picture on it and I hung it on a box I use several times a day. Sometimes it hurts a lot to look at his picture and remember that he isn’t here with me anymore.

I always try to picture him with wings and think and pray that he is an angel enjoying his time over the rainbow bridge. But it still hurts greatly as those of us here already know.




__________________
Jace, I love you greatly and I always will.
Be free from pain and disability and take joy in your new life across the rainbow bridge. May we be united again someday.

In the meantime I hope I can find peace and the support I need to get through this pain.
0
opus

Registered:
Posts: 44
Reply with quote  #13 

I am missing Jace very much right now. Tears are running down my face.

He has been gone since September 20th.

We shared many special moments together over the three years I was blessed to have him with me.

He was sick with cancer the last year of his life.

Even though I know he could no longer go on in this life because of the cancer it was so hard to put him to sleep.

It is never easy to lose a beloved friend or family member.


Attached Images
jpeg 7F148FFE-5F71-4BD7-A464-2BB0ECAF8ADF.jpeg (408.31 KB, 1 views)


__________________
Jace, I love you greatly and I always will.
Be free from pain and disability and take joy in your new life across the rainbow bridge. May we be united again someday.

In the meantime I hope I can find peace and the support I need to get through this pain.

0
Araki

Registered:
Posts: 2
Reply with quote  #14 
Sending white light. Lost my baby on September 20 as well. ♥️♥️🙏🙏
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opus

Registered:
Posts: 44
Reply with quote  #15 
Thank you, Araki.
__________________
Jace, I love you greatly and I always will.
Be free from pain and disability and take joy in your new life across the rainbow bridge. May we be united again someday.

In the meantime I hope I can find peace and the support I need to get through this pain.
0
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