Waterboy
It's been three weeks now since my lost my little buddy named Mr. Mercedes. Still can't get over that he is gone. He's had a rough time from the beginning. He died at the age of nine. He was a fighter. 5 years ago he was diagnosed with lupus. His body was eating his joints. So they put him on cyclosporine and steroids. It helped him for several years but in December he was diagnosed in operable bladder cancer. The vet told us we had six months but after two months he had lost 15 pounds. He was then diagnosed with diabetes is count was 450. He was going to need to be hospitalized and all his meds were going to have to be changed to cancer fighting medications that come with a boatload of side effects. The vet told us that we didn't have much time and she said she recommend it was time to put them to sleep. We all cried. So I took him home for couple days and it seem like he got alittle better but he was still throwing up and losing his bladder. So I brought him in and put him down. Now I feel like I killed my best friend. I don't know what to do with myself. I keep thinking what if I could've save them. The only way I can get through this thing is to think that if I had the diagnosis to myself I would've done the same thing. Every minute of every day I think of him. We did everything together. He was my everything.
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CKMP
Waterboy- I am so so sorry for the loss of Mr. Mercedes.  And for the rough time this special soul had.  You made that 'fateful' decision based on letting Mr. Mercedes go with the dignity he deserved and with the most unselfish motivations in life.  I made the same decision for my girl two months + ago and yes you are right - we keep thinking we could have, we should have, we might have and on and on.  Please from experience I am saying don't do this - Your vet gave you an inclination it was the right time, Mr. Mercedes had fought long and hard to overcome all his problems - what an amazing spirit he had to live with lupus for all those years and then to fight against bladder cancer for four months.  What a will to live and a strong little mind.  You gave him the most unselfish gift ever - you released him from his pain and discomfort by taking on his pain.  [I think LUCYLULU from this forum said this to me at one time-so not my own thought] How caring and noble is this?  We keep thinking we could save them - and that we are responsible - but the reality is the diseases are what rob our special friends from having more time with us.  But I also believe and have to believe they are still with us.  Mr. Mercedes still walks with you and still is near to you - the bond forged in a physical sharing of time and space could never be broken or lost just because the 'form' shifts.  You have an amazing little buddy - still. . .
 I  am so sorry - and I can so much understand and empathize with you as I travel through this journey myself - our thoughts about making that decision are so similar and our special companions' lots in life also have much in common.  - I think of my girl every minute of every day too - but that is ok - because she was there every minute of every day for me.  Tears are the physical symbols of our loss and sense of emptiness and loneliness - that is ok too - because every minute of every day our special companions filled our lives so we didn't have a sense of being alone.  This forum is filled with kind,caring and understanding voices - come here often and share your thoughts - Lean on others.  Warm thoughts . . .
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Waterboy
Thank You. I am a mess right now. I went to the pet store to hold a puppy and all I did is cry. When I gave the dog back he was soaked with my tears. I just want my baby back.
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et61
So sorry for your loss of Mr. Mercedes. I know you are hurting but there is/was nothing you could have done to prolong his life. I know that you gave him a great life and hope that it helps somewhat. You did the right thing as he is no longer suffering. It was time. Unfortunately you didn't have him as long as you would have wanted. I think we all feel that way. Letting go of someone we love so dearly is tremendously hard. I understand how you feel about wanting your baby back. I lost my Sweetie April 8th and he was my favorite of all my animals. I told my husband that I would give all my cats/dogs away if I could just have my Sweetie back. That's how much I loved him. I didn't have enough time with him - we never do. We are all here because we lost someone special to us. I hope you can find some comfort here. Hugs to you.
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Waterboy
This is picture of my baby boy when we have our talk at the table.
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winstonsmom12
What a beautiful boy mr. Mercedes is.  You were very lucky he chose you to be his  Keeper.  I am very sorry to read your post about his illnesses.  You did all you could for your baby.  All of us here have the "what if's" We question ourselves constantly about our babies.  I know I did, and still do at times.  I know my Winston is free from pain and misery.  I'm sure Mr. Mercedes is also free from his suffering.  You did the right and humane thing.  Hugs   Sue
Susan
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Bailey15
Oh, that is so very sad! Susan is right: Mr Mercedes was beautiful and a very bright looking dog!

You were so very close - I remember how devastated I was in November when I had to let Bailey go. He was more like our child and I did everything with him - even took him to my doctor's appointments. I can understand how you must be feeling - the pain is unbearable at times. Know that you did the best thing for him - gave him the ultimate gift by taking his pain away.

It will get easier as time goes by but you will never forget him. I remember someone told me that you would start to have more good days than bad as time goes on and I did find that to be true. Having said that, allow yourself to grieve and be kind to yourself. Recognize that you have had a terrible loss and keep coming here for support. Everyone here does understand so you are not alone.

Sending you positive thoughts for healing!
MJ
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Ell99
dear mj- just reading your reply on this post. I'm taking some comfort in the comment that eventually there are more good days than bad cause at this moment all the days ( 3 weeks) have all been yuk and I'm wondering whether i will ever get thru this pain. elle.
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Waterboy
Thank you all for your wonderful thoughts. My baby could make a cloudy day look sunny and bright. I miss him so much I don't know what to do it myself. I think about he every minute of every day. It doesn't seem to be getting better, it seems to be getting worse. I feel like I am invisible right now right now, because when we would go for a walk everybody would stop and talk and pet Mr. Mercedes and now no one even sees me. They walk pass me and don't even smile. I still feel really bad for euthanizing him. I don't know if it was his time to go or not. Because who am I to make it decision of life or death.
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Waterboy
Thank you all for your wonderful thoughts. My baby could make a cloudy day look sunny and bright. I miss him so much I don't know what to do it myself. I think about he every minute of every day. It doesn't seem to be getting better, it seems to be getting worse. I feel like I am invisible right now right now, because when we would go for a walk everybody would stop and talk and pet Mr. Mercedes and now no one even sees me. They walk pass me and don't even smile. I still feel really bad for euthanizing him. I don't know if it was his time to go or not. Because who am I to make it decision of life or death.
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Ell99
Dear mr mercedes mum, i am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you. We are all going thru pain so pkease know you are not alone x
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Bailey15
I do remember that feeling of being invisible. When I visited my dad in LTC, there was a man who always asked to pat the doggie. The man has dementia so of course we always stopped so he could pat Bailey. The first time I went to visit my dad without Bailey, I looked over to say hello to this man and he seemed to not know I was there. It's just one more of those painful reminders.

One thing I am quite sure of is that Mr Mercedes is happy his mom came through for him and didn't let him suffer anymore. You did the right thing for your baby - as I know I did for my Bailey but it's so very difficult. Grief is such a an awful thing. I hope it helps to know you are being thought of - and wished some peace.
I'm sorry for all the pain you are feeling.
MJ
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Teesabell
Waterboy,

Praying you find peace and comfort during this terrible time.  So glad you found this forum!  Mr. Mercedes was a very handsome pup!  I lost my Cookie dog two weeks ago today.  I wish I could say it gets much easier, but I know that will come in time.  This forum and the wonderful posts from all the wonderful people on here helps tremendously.  I encourage you to come back, read the posts, and respond to others.  I find it quite helpful for me to know I am not alone and there are others who feel the exact same way I do.  Thinking of you.

Terri
Terri
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Waterboy
Another sad day without my Mr Mercedes . All I do is think about him and when I euthanized him. I just can't get it out of my mind and I killed him. He was my best friend I miss him so much and it hurts so bad. I knew I love alot, but I never thought it was gonna be this bad. The pain in my heart is unreal. My wife tells me that he's in a happy place right now and I should be happy. I don't know why I feel this way. I'm not happy i'm sad.
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elliemeewiz
Hugs to you and I'm very sorry for your loss of Mr. Mercedes... I think there are going to be good and bad days, it's just part of the process. I think for those who are not completely sure they are in a happier place we will always have doubts and anyway, he is not with you anymore so that is not much compensation for not having him by your side. Even with my doubts I still talk to my Wizberry and it gives me some peace. I have my moods when I'm cursing everything... a god or whatever is out there that I'm not sure if I believe in at times that took him from me, the one I loved more than anything even though I prayed over and over again to save him and take me instead, but then he would've been without me. And although I'm living on without him I think it would have been too much for him not to have me maybe. 

Mr. Mercedis knows how much you loved him, trust me, you were his everything too and you didn't kill him, you helped him not suffer anymore, it sounds like he was very ill and nothing more could be done. I feel the same way about Wiz that I killed him and I didn't do enough, but I loved him more than anything, he was my everything too. But I know in reality I spent the last two years of my life taking care of him and having almost NO social life basically. And I would keep doing that if he could be with me forever. I guess we are just going to feel guilty no matter what we did or didn't do.
My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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