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6starz

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Posts: 15
Reply with quote  #16 
Today I have been numb all day. Crying when I could not stop myself from thinking about it. The pain is so bad. I don’t remember it being this bad when my mom, grandpa or even the big one for me (my brother). Maybe it’s because I was with my Billy everyday. When I love someone I love as much as possible. My pain is so bad. I thought it would be better by now.
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Jinxieboy72

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Reply with quote  #17 
Sharing your pain..I see my Jinxie everywhere. From the moment he hopped into my car at 5 yrs of age (when his previous owners couldn't keep him) to his last day 12.5 years later in our arms. Our tears and our sobs have flowed non stop since 1.30pm on Friday. It's a burning ache and it won't go away. Try to stay strong. It's what our fur babies would want for us. X
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6starz

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Reply with quote  #18 
Just does not seem to be getting better. Had to take my wife’s car to the store. Kind of hard taking mine because it’s the dog transport. Even though I will have to drive it tomorrow to my doctors appointment. Lied to the guy at the store who asked me how my morning was. If I said anything but ok I would have started balling. Looked through pictures yesterday and was able to reminisce about the good times but it’s making me cry talking about it now. Such a great dog who everyone loved. And he loved everybody.

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SummerBear2018

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Posts: 41
Reply with quote  #19 
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my girl Nov 1 and I am still struggling. i dont have any other dogs or a human partner, so I think it is especially hard for me and you all of a sudden go from being happen to being  completely broken. I feel for you and just know that all of your pain is just because you love so much. Your boy was so lucky to have a life that you gave him. I dont really believe necessarily that we will see our dogs again, but I do know that he probably loved your with every fiber of his being. Just like you, my pup perked up at the last minute and was giving the vet kisses even as she was putting the needle in. It's an awful thing to experience. It's an awful thing for your brain to wrap around how you can chose to kill something you love so much. Take care of yourself - give your family and pups a lot of love. Life is short! 
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6starz

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Posts: 15
Reply with quote  #20 
When does it get a little better? Today I had to drive my car the one I took him for tests on his second to last day. Taking his bowl and blanket out of the car almost killed m this morning. And when I arrived where I was going I had his hair all over me. Started crying. Looked over at my night stand this morning and saw his pill box marked with his name. It’s different for each different thing associated with him but I might have to sell my car and get a different one. Things may change. Different things affect me different. Can’t wash the wall where his spit is from him shaking his head when he would wake up every day. It just hurts. And because I need to grieve my way Doctors and other aquatintences only will know there was a death in the family. None of their business who. Just how bad it affects me. I am not ashamed of my love for my Billy. Just think it would be worse if I have to face some of the comments.
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Stacy072176

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Posts: 12
Reply with quote  #21 
Everyone has a different time frame for when it will not hurt so deeply. I will pray that God will find a way to help you through this and ease your sorrow. It will be a week for me tomorrow since I unexpectedly lost my kitty Lilly. I miss her so much and just want to hold her again and snuggle. Yesterday driving home and crying for my Lilly a song came on the radio, " Country Roads Take Me Home". It was the final song played at my best friend's funeral 3 weeks ago. I can't help but think it was my dear friend Marsha sending a message that Lilly was safe in Heaven with her. I don't think I have ever heard that song on the radio before and it was on a station that does not usually come in very well in the area I was in. All I can say is to keep using this forum to keep writing about your sweet boy Billy. I think it helps to keep talking about them openly and writing it down.
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Nacoka

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Posts: 36
Reply with quote  #22 
I know it’s cliche but it takes as long as it takes. You are grieving the correct way for you. It took me two full months to stop crying. I still cry, but not every day. Don’t look at the long run. Take it minute by minute, day by day and then week by week. Grieve it out. But try not to dwell on Billy’s dearth. Focus on his life
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6starz

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Posts: 15
Reply with quote  #23 
My Vet who cancelled appointments to help him over the rainbow bridge so my wife could make it back in time, sent me a card today. I started balling. She loved him too. He touch everybody’s heart he met. Would give anybody love who wanted or needed some. Best vet I ever met. Thank God I found her.

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Jinxieboy72

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #24 
Such a beautiful card. Truly makes such a difference to receive something like this. It's probably the most longest, and most difficult road one has to travel... travelling it alone is even worse. Like others here, being in the same car that was used to make that last trip to the vet is unbearable, seeing their empty bed and food/water bowls around turns you into a sobbing heap but removing them seems disrespectful to them and their memory. I hate this journey. All I want, all we want is to have them back in our arms happy and healthy as they once were, not as they were in their final weeks/days. It's impossible to accept them not here anymore. It's been 3 days since our Jinxie boy left us and I find myself delaying going home because he won't be there to greet me with that cheeky 'i want my dinner" meow.. I'm dreading in a way, the return of his ashes on Friday because it just doesn't seem right that my beautiful big boy who had such a gorgeous grey and white coat and sitting at my feet 3 days ago is now no longer, instead it's a box of what remains. I know his spirit now flies free but it's just so hard to accept the reality. I'm drowning in sorrow for him as well as my own. Rest in peace my darling boy. You're free now.
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6starz

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Posts: 15
Reply with quote  #25 
Tomorrow at around 2:30 will be a week. I am dreading tomorrow and still crying today as I write this. I can’t stand it. It hurts today as bad as it did on the day. I want to be able to do things, but it’s so hard. I thank god I have my wife. If not for her I would not be able to handle it.
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SummerBear2018

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Posts: 41
Reply with quote  #26 
I kept asking myself the first two weeks when it will get better. I was so desperate. 6 weeks in, here is what I can tell you: 1) it won't get "better" - you will be sad for a long time, but you will be able to function and not panic as much 2) be around people who support you 3) try to make yourself get out. for me, it was easy to stay in and cry but when i made myself get out, i could sometimes distract myself 4) do something for others. i started volunteering at the shelter and for some odd reason, it gives me peace 5) i got some personality cards with my girls photos on them from shutterfly and i sent a note to everyone who had touched her life and told them thank you and shared a special memroy with them. I knew summer (my girl) would want the people in her life, through many phases of my life, to feel loved so that was one way I could pass forward her memory/love 6) i read some grief books. it helped me understand why I was feeling so intense. i thought i was going crazy, so it helped me understand that I wasnt and to forgive myself. 

be patient with yourself and try to take it one day at a time. i know this is so hard. i feel it with you!  
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Nacoka

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Posts: 36
Reply with quote  #27 
I think for me the grief got worse after 2 or 3 weeks. I would just sob. I missed everything about him. I would cry every time I spoke about him. But after 2 full months, the grief subsided a little. I noticed that I didn’t cry as much, and I could talk about him without crying. I still tear up. I hung his ornament on the tree, that made me cry, I see a dog that looks like him, that makes me tear up. But I’m better. It is a process. a month and a half ago, I wouldn’t have believed I’d ever get to this point. It’s not that I don’t miss him terribly, I have just accepted this reality. You will get there, but you have to grieve first. You’ll never forget, but in time you will accept and it takes as long as it takes. I have never cried as much as I did whe jack died. It just tore me apart. He was my baby.

Don’t rush the process, you’ll get there

Jack’s mom
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6starz

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Posts: 15
Reply with quote  #28 
I want to thank everyone for the kind words. It helps more than you know. I had a dream last night about my boy Billy. I don’t remember much of it but it was very vivid. It was so clear. I do remember waking up smiling. So it was a good dream. When I told my wife she said “ He came to you and said “I am happy. You made me happy. I love you” “. It must be something like that or close to that because I remember it as a good thing.
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6starz

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Posts: 15
Reply with quote  #29 
I really don’t know what god is trying to do to me. I had to go to the store and get some dog food for my other 2 dogs. That in itself hurts. Right now it hurts taking care of them but it has to be done and I love them too. On my way back from the store I see this squirrel in front of my house twitching and dying. So I go in to call animal control. Had to wait 15 minutes till they opened. While waiting the squirrel twitched his way to the middle of the street. So I had to move him back out of the way so he did not get run over. Told my wife and she said to take it to the vet. Said I had to try and save it. But I don’t think vets do that kind of work here in the city. But anyway when I went back out to check, the squirrel had passed away. I walked over to him and told him to play with my boy when he sees him. It’s hard seeing the squirrel die and laying in the same position as my boy was when he left me.
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Nacoka

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Posts: 36
Reply with quote  #30 
Billy came to you. My boy,Jack, first came to my daughter. The day he died, he came to her and said goodbye. Then about two months later, I was at her house and I had a dream Jack was running. In my dream I asked my husband “is that Jack,”. He said yes and he’s an angel. Then we were flying. That’s about the time I stopped crying all the time. So I believe he came to me. To let me know he was okay and to get on with my life. Don’t get me wrong, I still cry, but I am getting better. I can’t wait til he comes again

Jack’s mom
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