Jenny29 Show full post »
NadiaC
Dear Jenny, I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, I feel the same right now. Yesterday I had to say goodbye to my almost 14 years old Fiona. She was diagnosed with cancer in February of this year and had surgery, unfortunately ,cancer has spread throughout her body and I've tried everything to save her but chemo and treatments didn't work. I knew she didn't have much time and had plans to take her to the vet today but she made different decision. Sunday morning me and my husband took her to the lake,she was laying on the blanket and appeared half asleep. Me and my husband was having conversation when i noticed she was almost not breathing, maybe 6 breaths a minute. 5 minutes later she passed away. 
I know how you feel, the pain is unreal. I couldn't let go of her body for hours, she looked like she was still breathing. My mind was playing tricks on me.I tried to blame myself for maybe not scheduling more treatments or not trying something else. My husband said its natural to feel guilty or see your pet alive. He said thats why people freak out when they have to let go of the loved ones, they are in denial. I feel i am also in denial . She was here yesterday and today she is gone forever. She slept with me for almost 14 years. She was so healthy just in February. She was still running few weeks ago. I can see her everywhere. 
Its just not fare. I am so sad, I know how you feel. Scared, confused, like there is nothing else matters in the world but your beloved Bear.  Grass is not green,sun does not shine the same. Panic attacks and tears upon awakening in the morning. 
I hope it will get better for all of us. One day at the time.
Hugs

Nadia
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Deederbestboy
Dear Jenny, I’m so sorry for your loss. How traumatic to lose a pet that way. I had something like that happen years ago to a cat I loved very much. I found him dead in my laundry room. I had an autopsy but never really found out the true cause. It traumatized me for a long time. My heart goes out to you. Although my baby Deeder and I had 18 years together, longer than you had with Bear, my grief is still very intense. Deeder was my baby. Also very vocal. It often sounded like he was saying the words Mom. He would sleep with me every night, and also loved to knock over the water bowl and food. He was a character. My heart is broken too. There are really no words that help ease the pain. Only time will heal. Be gentle with your self, rest, and emerge yourself in Gods peace. Just be still, and allow your mind and body to rest in Gods love. May the peace that surpasses all understanding fill your heart and mind, and comfort you. Remember your other cats are grieving too. Focus on them and give them your attention. I too have other cats, but Deeder was my soul cat. I need to focus on my other babies as well. Deeder has only been gone a week and a half, so my pain is fresh and raw too right now. God bless you and surround you with his healing light. 
Jeanne Swift
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Jenny29
Thank you Nadia @NadiaC . I'm so sorry about your lovely Fiona, she has to know that you did everything you could to help her. I know the struggles of trying to treat a pet with cancer, it's painful and horrifying and helpless. She must have been so happy to be able to go with her family near her. Sending you hugs back. I also hope it will get better.

Thank you Jeanne @Deederbestboy . I'm so sorry about Deeder, losing your soul cat is the worst feeling in the world. I could really do with some peace right now for sure. Hugs and healing to you too. 
-Jenny
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Jenny29
Dear Bear,

I'm so lonely without you. I can still hardly be in my loft without breaking down. I was cleaning my closet for the first time in a month today, and I found a chunk of your fur on the suitcase you liked to sleep on. I couldn't continue after that, I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't stop missing you.

I wish I knew what happened Bear, I wish it hadn't happened, I wish I could have helped you. It hurts to much to know or feel like I failed you. I failed to protect you and now there's a hole in me and it can't be filled without you.

I think about the good times we had, how the last morning we woke up together I looked down and you were under my blankets with me, you were peeking your head and paws out from under it and facing my direction. You blinked sleepily at me and I smiled but tried not to move or make too much noise so you wouldn't wake up and immediately start zooming around. I'm glad I let you relax but at the same time I wish I had woken you up and hugged you more.

I also remember that on the last day as I walked back up the stairs you came running down and had cat litter stuck to your nose (again), your eyes were wide and blue and playful and intense and I laughed at how adorable you were for going to snuffle in the litter box. I brushed it off of you and patted you indulgently. I love your quirks so much Bear.

I don't know how to deal without you being a daily joy in my life. I don't know how to live without you teaching me each and every day that you needed me as much as I needed you and that you loved me as much as I loved you and that if we were together everything was going to be okay.

Cookie misses you a lot. She looks for you, trying to hear where you are. I don't think she understands that you are gone. She's been trying to play with Princess but you know Princess likes to play alone.

So,

I applied to adopt a kitten. And I was accepted. I'm picking him up tomorrow (today). And yet the closer I get the more I'm unsure of my choice. I wonder if I'm replacing you, or trying to. I wonder if it's right to bring a kitten into a situation where I will be crying on a regular basis. But I feel so alone and two cats doesn't feel right in my loft. I didn't intend to get a new pet so soon. I guess I applied on a whim, I thought they wouldn't choose me but they did and now I'm unsure.

Do you think it's too soon, Bear? I know if you were here you would hate me bringing in a new cat. They would take away from your attention time and that would be a no-no, huh Mister Bear?

I miss you so much, Bear.

Love always and forever,
Your Jenny
-Jenny
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