On June 24th my beloved cat Bear passed away. He was a month from turning 7 on July 24th. He was a beautiful large red color point Siamese, he was cross eyed and his eyes were incredibly blue. I loved him so much and he loved me. He accompanied me from the time I was 18 and I him. He followed me everywhere and we did everything together, I had him with me from his birth, he was born in my closet to Princess my rescue cat. He loved to lick my face and my hair and I loved to smell his sweet little paws and his fur and rub his soft ears. He was as incredibly annoying, he was loud and chatty and needy and I loved it, it made me feel loved and accompanied. He loved to knock things over and then look at me and then knock more things over and then look at me until I sprayed him with water because he loved getting sprayed. I know it’s weird but he absolutely loved getting sprayed, he would run up to me and meow until I sprayed him. He’d fight with my carpal tunnel hand braces and kick his little back feet. Whenever I got dressed to leave he would make me late by meowing until I pet him and reaching up to ask for pets. He slept on me every waking moment, he’d jump on me and flop over me and meow at me. He ran to the door if he thought I’d come in. I can’t believe he’s gone I can’t believe he’s gone.
It was sudden and traumatic. I had pet him that morning and that afternoon, he was cheerful as he always was. Bear always kept trying to jump in the sink while I was cleaning the cat plates for their morning food. Everything was normal, he had had his check up and booster shots 4 months ago. He was in perfect health as far as I knew.
I was on my couch reading. And then suddenly I heard a scream, an awful scream, I looked over and Bear was on the ground flailing with Princess standing over him and I thought maybe he was fighting with her. So I ran over to separate them and Bear kept screaming horribly and he was flailing and I started screaming trying to figure out what was happening. I ran to get my phone and ran back. I called my parents who had left 15 minutes before in the car, our only car, I yelled at them to come home please please.
At this point bear stopped flailing, he lay still and limp and I shook him and tried to understand what was happening, he gasped a few times and it was horrible and looked painful. I was shaking so hard and I was so desperate I called the police to beg for a patrol car anything anything to get me to the nearest vet. I called the vet and they instructed me how to do cpr, my biggest fear is that I wasted too much time talking to the police person and didn’t start cpr in time. I begged the vet to send anyone and they said they could not, but I begged and begged anyone I was so close I lived a 5 minute drive away. No one came, I kept doing cpr but I think he was already dead. Princess kept growling and trying to bite him and I’m not sure why, I yelled and pushed her away. But I think he’d been dead for a while, but I kept trying and screaming and crying and shaking and finally my parents got home and I grabbed Bear and ran outside, I didn’t even care that I wasn’t wearing pants because I’d been relaxing in my home. My dad sped us to the vet while I continued cpr in the back and when we got there I ran out and they were waiting to take him. They couldn’t get a heart beat, they tried everything, they tried for 20 minutes but he was already gone.
I don’t know what happened, I don’t know how this happened. They think it might have been a heart attack, but we’ll never know. I can’t understand what happened.I want to wake up from this horrible nightmare. I want to wake up and have Bear in the bed next to me. For the past few days I’ve been just crying in my parents bed for hours with them trying to comfort me. My brother has been sleeping in the loft upstairs with me because I can’t be there without completely breaking down. This morning I woke up and felt a weight near my leg and smiled and leaned down to pet Bear, but it was Princess sleeping there and I remembered Bear was gone and I burst into tears. And I don’t know what do do without him. I feel like I will never be ok, my loft is so quiet now and none of my other cats are like Bear was. I keep hearing him yell in my ears and see him convulse behind my eyelids. I don’t know what to do or how to deal I’m just so sad. I thought we were going to be together for decades.