I cant stop crying I miss him so much. I adopted him a year ago at 13 and I had to put him down on Thursday and it was so hard. i was there for the first injection of anesthesia but I didn't lnow it was going to be so quick. he floped over and his eyes were wide open and thry never told me that would happen. I cant stop seeing it he wasn't even gone but I cant stop seeing it

I cant stop crying. this isnt the first pet lost but I cant remmeber when I stopped grieving its so hard to see ahead and be okay

I miss him so much I loved him so much. he loved me and I loved him and he had a good year with me. I just want to kiss him one more time i want to hold him but i know it wouldn't be enough

thr thing is is that I love senior cats but I cant do it again rn I need time to heal but I want another senior cat. idk why 
I look at kittens and they are cute but I want a senior

maybe i wsnt a calm affectionate cat idk

I just want to sleep until I dont feel anymore. i wanted to stop taking my meds and stop eating and just gice up but I know i cant do that 

it doesn't seem real. I keep waiting for him to come into my room and comfort me while I cry for him.

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I'm so very, very sorry you are going through this.  My wife and I just had to say good bye to our just shy of 12 lab, and I had never had an animal put to sleep before.  Like you, I did not know the eyes remained open.  The vet prepared us well for everything else that happened, but did not mention that, and seeing that did make me sad.  It is almost like you feel your pet endured something and is now trying to recover and you want to speak to the animal and try to comfort him/her, but he/she is no longer "with" us.  It's really tough.  I think the expression "put to sleep," which for some reason I usually don't really want to use, catches off guard for this aspect of what actually happens. :/  


Heavy heart
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Your post is also helpful to me because I've kind of had the impulse to take in a senior dog if/when we adopt again.  Before we got our most current good boy at 2, I was kind of partial to adopting a 10 year old lab, because I knew it would have a harder time finding a home.  But, I knew that would mean setting ourselves up again for a much more soon loss, as well as perhaps needing to be prepared to take on a bunch of medical expenses in a short time, and so we steered away.  But now I kind of feel the pull again to adopt a senior.  But, I also wonder if I want to do so because I want the joy of loving an animal, but feel that maybe it would hurt a little less if there was not the same full history there, etc.  But your post makes me need to re-think all of that.  It does not mean I would not adopt a senior, but just that I would need to make sure I understand was not necessarily a way to have a pet while being "safer" with the risk of grief again down the road.  It's hard to know until it happens, and I hate this happening again.  but it will, if we have a pet. :/
Heavy heart
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I am so sorry for the loss of your kitty. Yes, it's difficult when their eyes stay open when they're put down. I don't understand why some Vets don't prepare people for the process. You did a wonderful thing by adopting a senior cat. Having a loving home in their senior years is such a gift to them. I adopted a cat that was aprox. 8-10 from the shelter where he had been for almost 3 yrs. I had him for 2.9 yrs and I take comfort in knowing his last years were spent in a good place with lots of love. Best of luck to you. 
Madelyn DeStefano
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I think it's absolutely wonderful that you opened your home to a senior cat. I did the same thing last year after my soulmate Beck passed away. He lived to be 18, I had him for 16 years and he was / is my best friend forever. 2 weeks after he died I decided to adopt an older cat. My thought process behind it was - what if Beck had landed a different special person than myself, and what if, when things became difficult that person just gave up on him because he had become old and sick? 

I found Cleo on a non-profit organization called ARTS and I applied to adopt. Her previous owners had turned her outside when she became ill. To me she was the perfect match. Her sickness was easily manageable by a daily medication.

I had her from February 18th 2019 until March 2nd 2020. And in just a single year she managed to work her way deep into my heart. She was the first pet I have ever euthanized (Beck passed away in my arms at home). After the needle was administered, I held her, and once the vet told me she was gone, I stood there like a fool trying to get her eyes to close, mumbling about how she was still awake. That is when the vet explained that it is common for them not to close their eyes. I too wish that had been explained to me ahead of time.

I will continue to adopt seniors, but at the moment the time isn't right for me. I also lost my 13 year girl Sphinx almost a month ago, the pain is just too much and I need to give myself time to heal. I still have one cat that needs me (although lately I think I need him more!) He's 12, almost 13 and he's the main focus of my life.
“Until one has loved an animal, a part of ones soul remains unawakened” ~ Anatole France
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