Lilyann, I completely understand why you would want to go be with her, I felt the same way for a long time, I just wanted the pain to stop. My husband almost had me committed and my youngest said something so profound, it slapped me back into reality: "Don't do something permanent for a temporary issue". We used to tell him that ALL the time, when be broke up with girlfriends, lost a friend, etc. And to hear those words coming back to me, not only meant he had been listening to me all those years, but he also learned something that could help me.
As of today it's been two weeks, the pain has subsided some, but I still wake up every morning and allow myself about 10-15 minutes to cry, scream, do what ever it is I need to do and then I go on with my day. Believe it or not, those quiet moments I have in the morning, actually help. It's okay to mourn her, she was part of your family. I don't regret for a second that we did the right thing - the only thing I would have changed in hindsight, is that I wouldn't have been in the room - she fought them, bit me and one of the techs. But then again, she was a fighter up until the very end. That still haunts me to this day. I have my faith to rely on, plus my husband and son, so I know "This too shall pass". A week after she died, I did get a tattoo in memory of her so she will forever be with me. Keep fighting the good fight and know there is light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not a train!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission"