JaspersMom
For anyone who has ever had to make the hardest decision of their life, try not to be consumed with guilt, you are strong, courageous, and totally unselfish. As devastating as it is to be faced with this decision, always remember that as much as it hurts, sometimes we just need to love them enough to let them go. Jasper, momma loves you forever and a day.


You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.
But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.
So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic, that will
Once more make me whole.
The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.
That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner till the end.
Please, understand just what this gift
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.
You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it too.
So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To now grant me this appeal.
Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.
And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.
I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll run,
... a young dog once again.


Pamela Lynne Crawford
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JaspersMom
I know that many of us have had to face that very difficult decision, and for the longest time, I myself was wracked with guilt, but now I see that I made the best and only decision I could have made for my baby. He was struggling with every single breath, and his eyes were pleading with me to help him get to the light, and now although my heart is still broken and I miss him more than words could ever say, I can finally say with absolutely no doubt that I did the right thing for my sweet boy, and it may have taken quite awhile, but I finally, finally have some peace in my heart. We will always question, did we let them go too soon, or did we wait too long, but each and every one of us knows in our hearts that whatever we did, whatever decision we made, we made out of pure love, the kind of love our sweet babies give us every single day, and all of the beautiful love they left behind.
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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Bellamum
Thank you for sharing these wise words. I read it through tears, but I now know that what it says is true...we made the best decision that we could make and our precious furbabies will be forever grateful that we gave them that one last gift of love and were able to let go, even though we wanted to hold on forever.

Bellsy,
I hope that you know that the decision we had to make was the hardest decision we have ever had to make because we never, ever wanted to be parted from you, but it was also the easiest, because as you looked into our eyes on that April morning, we knew that you had given all you could give and needed to be freed from your pain and discomfort. 
I truly hope that you are watching over us still because then you would absolutely know how cherished you are and always will be and how much we are missing you every day.
We love you Bellsy. You will remain in our hearts forever and one day you will be in our arms once again.  I look forward to that day more than you could know.
Love Mummy xxx
Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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ghosthouse
I too started to cry when I read this.  I am still racked with guilt because I chose to put my cat to sleep.  Not so much because of that, it was what needed to be done but because she went downhill so suddenly, I feel like I kinda missed my chance to say goodbye.  The morning I put her to sleep I noticed she was falling, but had to go to work and made a vet appointment for after work.  Came home, put her in a crate, off to the vets where the prognosis was not good, made the decision, held her, vet came in and gave her the shot, and she was gone.  How much I wish I had cuddled and pet her more in the last days.  I wish I had stayed home and been with her all day that day.  But I felt I had to do what I did, she was in pain and it was time.  It's been more than 2 weeks and I still have been crying for her and feeling bad that the last days we had together were not somehow more special and meaningful.  
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Katel
I love what you wrote Jaspers Mum to help all of us who have been wracked with what ifs - did we do it too soon,   did we do it too late.........you are so right,  all of who euthanase our pets do it
from PURE LOVE .........nothing more or less.  And they know it I'm sure.  I have euthanased two beloveds in these past few months and although I know in my heart it had to be I do sometimes go over and over it like I've been doing it lately.    Thank you .....    your words have given me heart
and some of peace.   Blessings.
Kate 
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JaspersMom
Bellamum, your words to your sweet Bella are so very sweet and filled with love, and I know she must be so happy at rainbow bridge to know she has a mommy who loves her so very much, and helped her find the light when she needed it the most.

Ghosthouse, I am so sorry to hear that you are having such feelings of guilt over helping your little one cross over. My dear kitty also went downhill so quickly, and I also found him so much worse after returning home from work, and I tried so hard to spend some quality time with him before our vet appointment, but for the first time ever, he did not want me to hold him. He was so very sick, and all his energy was spent on trying to stay alive, just breathing was such an effort for him. So when they are in the deepest throes of illness like that, as much as they love us, many times all they want is to be alone.

I too wish I had spent every single second with my boy in the last few days when he started to become ill, but I had no idea his sickness was going to progress so quickly, and I had no idea that he would go downhill so fast, and neither did you. Please if you can, try to focus on the many wonderful and special times you had with your beloved cat, all those precious moments mean so much more than the last few days, when they were so sick, and their whole being was not so focused on us being with them, but in dealing with the illness. Please be gentle on yourself, and know you stepped up when your baby needed you the most, and your memories are so much more than your last day together. Your beautiful kitty knows how very much she is loved, and she can feel that love even now.

Thank you Katel for your kindness and support, and I am so happy that my words have given you some peace and comfort. My heart goes out to you in having to say goodbye to two dear little ones in the last few months, how very hard that must have been. I wish you blessings in the days ahead, your little ones are still so very close, your love for them will keep them with you forever. True love means putting them first above our own wants and needs, I wanted to hold onto my boy and never let him go, I even wanted to go with him, but when all is said and done, he knows as do your dear ones, that we were there when they needed us the most, and we helped them find their rainbow.
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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ghosthouse
Jaspers mom thanks for your kind words.  You are right, when I was trying to hold her at the vets she meowed in pain, and at home before that she just wanted to sleep.  It must have hurt her so much to walk, and it was horrible to watch her falling.
I finally found the strength today to find a little wooden box for her and decorate it a little.  And I bought some flowers to plant a garden in her memory.  
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Orihime_
I just had to make the horrible decision to put down my baby yesterday. This hit me hard, because I've been consumed with guilt and anger since the moment the vet injected him. I can't help but think... what if I had waited a few more days, run more tests? Forced him to eat, given him more medication? Chemo? No. It wouldn't have prolonged his life, just his suffering. When I signed the papers for the euthanasia and the vet walked in, all I could do was hold onto him, and cry into his fur as he passed. All I can hope is that he understood that I loved him, that he knew I tried my best to be a good parent, and that letting him go was my final act of love. I also struggle with the idea of him being in pain... confusion, not knowing where he was or why this vet was injecting him. Was he scared in his final moments? Was he even able to comprehend what was going on? It's all so hard to process.

I miss him dearly, and I can't believe he's really gone. I commissioned a friend of mine to do a portrait of him, which I will hang by his urn (once his ashes are returned to me). Does the pain ever go away?
"Time spent with cats is never wasted."
All my love to Bender 8/20/02-12/12/14.
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JaspersMom
Orihime, I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your dear little cat, and my heart so goes out to you. He knows how much you love him, and he knows you were there when he needed you the most. I really don't think he was scared or confused in his last moments, because you were right there with him, and he could feel your love and caring. When the vet first put the medicine into my Jasper, inside I was screaming, "No take it out!", this was all so wrong, and I wanted so badly to just take him home, I needed more time, maybe even time for a miracle, but he was hurting way too much, and so I had to pull out every bit of strength I had in every fiber of my being, and I had to love him enough to let him go. Your baby knows how much he was loved, our bonds with them are so not the last minutes with them when they are so sick, but the constant and special care and love we gave them every single day, our babies are so much closer than we think, they are still with us in so many ways ... peace and blessings to you and your beautiful boy Bender.
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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kkflynn75
Thanks so much for sharing.  I needed to see this tonight.  Beautifully written. Tomorrow it will be 10 months since I said goodbye to my Sydney.  It has not been an easy 10 months and I still struggle with the guilt. Time has eased some of it, but it is still there.  I know I was lucky to have over 16 years with my girl, and she was lucky to make it to that age (she was a german shepherd).   Her deterioration was slow, which in many ways was positive, but it also made it hard to decide or see that it was time for me to help her move on.  I had gotten slowly used to the new "Sydney" , the one that couldn't climb stairs, needed my help when before she hadn't, was pickier when eating, didn't play as much catch and occastionally had accidents. She hadn't been able to do stairs for over 3 years.  We used ramps for 3 years and the last few months I had to carry her outside. She had stopped playing with her toys for over a year one day I realized.  Accidents became the new norm. The hard thing was that she still followed me (albeit not easily) everywhere, but she still did it and that tears me up inside.  This poem really did help though so thanks again for posting and I am sorry about your loss as well. Jasper looks like a very sweet Kitty.  

Kelly
Kelly
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loft2111

Thank you for this.  My tears made it nearly impossible to read.  Even now after almost 11 weeks, I always think back to the day I had to say goodbye to my baby, the memory is etched in my brain, the hardest decision I had ever made was on that day.

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JaspersMom
Kelly, thank you for your very kind words, and yes this poem really hits home to so many of us who have had to make such a difficult decision on behalf of our most precious little ones. You are so fortunate to have been able to have 16 years with your Sydney, but no matter how long we are blessed with having our babies in our lives, saying goodbye is always so heartbreaking. It sounds as though you gave her a truly wonderful life with you, and when she started to fail, you did everything possible to make her days easier and more comfortable, what a lucky doggie she was to have had your unwavering love and care, and to have had you right there when she needed you the most.

It has been a long ten months for me also since I lost my Jasper, and he was only seven years old, and I used to feel so cheated out of so much time with him, we should  have had so many more years together, but now I want to honor and cherish his memory by being thankful for even the short time we did have together, and to be grateful that he found me and came into my life, and the difference he made in my world. And oh yes, he was such a sweet kitty, so dear and affectionate, such a good boy who filled my world with pure joy and love, he was and is so very special, my one in a million kitty. Thank you Kelly for writing and it does my heart good to hear that this lovely little poem was able to give you a little comfort. Your Sydney sounds really sweet and so very special, and your words are filled with such love for her, hold onto that love, and she will always and forever be with you.
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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JaspersMom
Loft, thank you so much for your kind words, and yes I cannot make it through this poem without my tears falling like rain. I am so very sorry about the loss of your baby, eleven weeks is not a very long time at all. I know what you mean about how the day you had to say goodbye to your little one is etched into your brain, and that is the same with me. Even though it was ten months ago for me, I can still recall vividly every single second of my last moments with my sweet boy. I so  hoped that it would be faded by now, but it is almost as though I can hit the rewind button and go right back, and I never ever want to go back to that saddest night of my life. I want to try to focus on the special and happy times, I want to keep those moments in my heart forever, the love we have for them never goes away. Thank you for writing, stay strong and keep hope alive, our dear little ones are just on the other side of the rainbow waiting for us, and we will see them again,  that is our little light at the end of this tunnel.
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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ahartofilis
Jaspers Mom, thank-you so much for this poem and sharing youre experience. I had to put my sweet girl Coco to rest on December 7th, just 8 days ago. I still do not have peace about this and I have been dealing with the guilt as well. When she was diagnosed with bone cancer about a month ago I knew that my time left with her would be a matter of weeks. I was not prepared to see her decline so rapidly. I kept her as comfortable as I could, told her I loved her every chance I could and gave her many many pets, hugs, and kisses. She went on for 3 more weeks until I could see that it was becoming too much for her. Loosing her has created a grief that has settled deep within my soul. I did the best I could for her but I miss her terribly and now I am trying to figure out how to put my life back together without her. Thanks for listening, Andrea.
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JaspersMom
Andrea, I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet Coco just eight days ago, and my heart so goes out to you in your deep sadness and grief. Eight days is such a very short time, and I remember all too well the pain of it all, and the silence, waiting to hear from my baby just one more time, looking around every corner trying to find him, wondering how in the world he could just not be here anymore.

 I wish I had the magic words to help you heal faster, but all you can do is take one day at a time, and know without a doubt that you gave your dear Coco such a good life filled with such love and care, until the very last day when you showed her the final act of love, and you let her go. Please know that your sweet Coco is still with you and will always be, I finally figured it out that just because we may not be able to see them or touch them does not mean they are gone from us. I have felt my Jasper's presence so many times in the last ten months, and it has so helped all the shattered pieces of my heart begin to come back together again.

You did the very best for your little one and you showed such courage and strength in being able to let go of all of your wants and needs to do what was right for your sweet girl. Please try to let the guilt go if you can, she knows how much you loved her, she can feel your love even now, and she is so grateful to have had someone love her so very much to have been able to make such a heartbreaking decision on her behalf, out of pure love and devotion.

My last night when I was at the vet hospital with Jasper, all I wanted to do was scoop him up in my arms and start running, away from that place, away from what I was about to face, I wanted to bring him home, he needed to come home, but I looked into his eyes and knew it was time, I had to help him find his rainbow, and oh my gosh, it was the hardest thing I have ever done or will ever do, but it was the right thing, just as you helped your Coco, you were there when she needed you the most. Be gentle with yourself, your baby is so grateful to have had such a loving and caring mom as you, and she is waiting just on the other side of the rainbow, feel her love, she can still feel yours.
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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