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maddy79
I am sorry you had to go through so much pain in your life, but it is good that you found a way to cope to some degree. It doesn't seem fair, does it? Takes away from the joy of life. This is my first big loss and I am terrified about what is yet to come...

My dream... let me start by saying that, like any dream, it could all be in my head, but I always had a feeling it was more than that. It is so intense and feels so real, though seems to be out of this world. Most times I wake up crying and terrified. I often thought about it over the years, trying to figure out what it means. It is mostly feelings I am dreaming about, and only a little bit graphic. It starts out with something that seems to be white, pure, extremely peaceful, a surface very soft and delicate, like you have never seen before. It draws me in and makes me so happy, like some sort of absolute happiness. It lasts for a while, feels like I am floating in all of this, like it is another world, one where nothing can hurt me, and everything is pure and joyful and anything else that's good. And then very suddenly, without any warning, it turns into the exact opposite. It is wrinkled and dark, evil and black and I am not able to get out of it no matter how hard I try. It is like I am trapped in there forever and there is no way out. I try, I am desperately looking for a way out, but I am not successful. And then i wake up and I feel so relieved that it is only a dream.
I don't know if I am doing it justice, but hopefully you understand how these feelings are, how terrifying it is. Good and evil, beautiful and ugly, everything that could be completely opposite and I am stuck in the darkness.
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smkovalinsky
My goodness,  that sounds like a very unpleasant dream!  But I would say ,  judging from the purview of much of what I've read and studied,  that what you are describing is very familiar,  a classic existential state,  as you say,  the duality of light and dark,  good and evil.

 The writer Philip K Dick (a favorite of Anthony Peake's ,  and he has a biography on him coming out soon)  had a Gnostic belief (a type of ancient philosophy)  that we are all not one,  but two selves:  the part of us which is transcendent is always safe (your peaceful white floating,  and very related to the right brain:  It is a classic "right brain" experience).  The other part is in this world,  very unsafe and forced to muddle through and feel pain:  This is the classic "hellish"  right brain experience.  Or actually,  how the left brain views the right brain--- as frightening.

  The writer Peter Novak describes your exact dream,  but as a Near Death Experience:  the white light of peace changing into the dark hell of demons and hopelessness.  He actually quotes from a series of people who had near death experience who say, "At first it was very very light and peaceful,  but then it became dark and oppressive."

 It also sounds like the dreams of someone with sleep paralysis.  Very scary, but it comes from the brain.   You had this dream because you are human,  and it was depicting the two sides of human experience from both the brain and what we call "spirit" but arises from the brain,  although it transcends it.    I would say the more you have good , healing thoughts about your Terry, and good times with your own child,  the stronger the peace will become, and the weaker the dark state will be.  Hope  I did your dream justice:  Again,  uncanny how it fits in with theory.
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Mistysmama
maddy -that is a visit! 
I am so happy to hear that happened to you.

Yes, hold the love. Sometimes it will feel like it's just in your own heart, but then all of a sudden, something will happen like the thing that happened last night....
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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maddy79
I am sorry for my late reply, I've been through some very uncomfortable moments.. 
It is so interesting about the two selves, it never crossed my mind to think about it like that. But it sounds right! It actually makes a lot of sense, have to think about this some more.
Sleep paralysis.. that sounds awful, I think I would know if something like that is happening, wouldn't I? I do have some sleep issues, but they are not that severe.
As for the near death experiences I always thought it is the other way around, that one goes from darkness to light, as you go from this painful world to a peaceful one.
Thank you very much for your input, I now have a lot to reflect on. I am still processing the "3D hologram" actually, the meaning of the numbers and my puzzle dream. Very interesting! I wish I had the time to read all of this. I should make time... so many great books!
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smkovalinsky

So sorry to hear that -  have not been doing all that well myself.  Actually,  I have always had episodes of sleep paralysis,  and it kind of runs in my family:  It just means that when one is in the REM phase of sleep,  there is a partial awakening,  while the body is still paralysed ( we are all paralysed in sleep,  or else we would sleep walk and get in all kinds of trouble).  Mine have that sense of being utterly trapped.  Often the dark phase does seem to follow the light in NDE,  but it can be the other way around, too.   Yes,  it is a lot to digest,  but I was kind of forced to in 2006 when my husband died so young -  I could not get thru it any other way.  

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Mistysmama
Hey -sleep paralysis CAN be damn scary....but did you know it often is a precursor to an out of body experience or astral projection? And if we can over-ride the fear, and concentrate instead on a "vibrational lift" with love in our hearts....then it is just possible we can connect with our loved ones who have passed over?
I had 2 very brief OBE's and I thank God for them. I connected with Misty both times. Apart from her contacts with me, they were the life-changing events which showed me 1) that she survived "death" for 110% sure....and 2) That if she did, we will all do.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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smkovalinsky
Oh,  that is so comforting to me.  As far as sleep paralysis goes:  My sister and I have had this since our teens, and neither of us could ever figure out how to control it.  Hers were as bad as mine:  I have always somehow been trapped in the paralysis and any OBE which followed was frightening (same with my sister:  Both of us would be lifted up to the ceiling and just suspended there,  with a feeling that some evil force was doing it, and then would slam us down,  like some exorcist movie or something ---ugh  --- But that I believe comes from fear.  I found your Dog's Life After Death blog to be ENORMOUSLY healing and comforting.  
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Mistysmama
Yes the next dimension can be scary sometimes. But love is the most powerful force in the Universe, and through all the dimensions of reality. 
It is a primally terrifying thing -to be suddenly paralyzed, especially when experiencing something unusual at the same time. It goes against our "fight/flight" mechanism (hard-wired into every creature) and is so basic.

So you have experienced the OBE! Good going!
Part of the fear is something is happening to us which we're not used to in our physical reality. That can create a lot of fear, and our imaginations can run riot with it!
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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smkovalinsky
That makes a lot of sense.  I will try and overcome the negativity and see what "arises" ;-)  I hope a visit from my baby.
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Mistysmama
I just let go, let go of everything, all fear, all thoughts, I didn't care what happened to me any more. All I felt was love, just this powerful pulsing love through my whole Soul. I didn't care if I lived or died. I dissolved into love and a sort of nothingness for myself. But it wasn't depression.
That's when I OBE'd and met my Misty.
I really wish I could do it again. But I've sort of become more "solid" again now.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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smkovalinsky
Well,  it was a gift for certain.  And I guess that is the way it works:  You must be dissolved in a sense, and it comes when it is right,  and can't be planned. 
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