Registered: 1547102612 Posts: 2
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On December 8th, 2018, my corgi Honey was attacked and killed by a large, off-leash dog on a walk with my Mom, brother, and brother's girlfriend. This happened in front of the park near our house. Honey was the light and love of my life. I knew we were meant to be together from the second I saw her in the shelter. She was everything I ever could have wanted in a dog, and I loved everything about her. She was always making my laugh and bringing me joy. I loved her more than anything or anyone else in my whole life. She seemed to love me just as much as I loved her. She brought joy to everyone she met. She would pull me over to complete strangers and roll over on her back for belly rubs without any input from them. She was beautiful, perfect, funny, and sweet. Just a few months before she was killed, one of her eyes ruptured. It was one of the most stressful weekends of my life, I sobbed my eyes out. Initially I was told that her eye would need to be removed, which was heartbreaking to me, but after getting a second opinion, it turned out her eye and vision could both be saved. The surgery was very expensive, and I don't make much, but I raised funds with GoFundMe and used my credit card. The surgery went great, and the vet was incredibly pleased with the results. I spent tons of time putting medications in Honey's eye, caring for her, and so on. The whole ordeal was really stressful, and I was just so happy that everything worked out ultimately. She went to the eye vet for a check up just around two weeks before she was killed. Now she's gone, ripped out of my life violently and suddenly, and I don't know what to do. It's been a month now, but I still constantly drift in and out of numbness and a despair so deep I almost don't want to live any more. (Note: I'm not actually suicidal. But it does feel honestly unbearable at times.) We had nine and a half years together. She had been a stray so I don't know how old she actually was, but I think around 12 and a half. She was very healthy and active, and I think she could have made it another 2-4 years easily. The fact that her life was cut short is almost too much for me to handle. Every second with her was precious, and for me to not to get to spend her twilight years with her... And especially with the way she went, I don't know how to bear it. I don't know all the gory/upsetting details, thankfully, and have made it clear that I don't want to know--I had friends visiting so I opted not to go on the walk--but I'm haunted by the images my brain comes up with. Of the incident, of her body... I took thousands of pictures of her while she was alive, and some videos, but I have regrets over not getting video of some of her cute/funny behaviors. I thought I had more time... I just miss her more than words can say, and I can't even comfort myself in the usual ways. Her death was premature, it was violent, I didn't get to say goodbye, and now I have to live without her from now on. The combination of everything just feels like too much to handle sometimes. I loved her with my entire heart and I just can't believe this is how her life ended. I feel like my life was ruined, and I'm in a horrible nightmare that I can't wake up from. My heart is absolutely broken and the truth feels too awful to handle. I am planning to go to grief counseling, but I would appreciate any words of comfort anyone can offer. I don't know how to cope with this pain.
Registered: 1528697398 Posts: 543
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I am truly sorry for your loss of Honey. The pain of losing a beloved fur baby is overwhelming under any circumstances...but, this was a tragedy. Honey knows how much you love her - present tense, because, Our love for them does not stop or go away. Honey "resides" now safely in your heart. I know how much this pain hurts. In this forum, we all know. You are not alone in this grief. Writing here in this forum has helped me. Prayers and strength
Registered: 1546806460 Posts: 91
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This is true they know we love them. Love is energy and the soul is energy. I am so sorry that your baby was taken in such a quick manner. I'm having a hard time as mine was a sudden loss too.
Registered: 1536701847 Posts: 14
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I'm so sorry, MissMyHoney.
Registered: 1547102612 Posts: 2
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I appreciate the kind words from all of you. Adv2112, I'm so sorry you lost your baby suddenly, too. It's really hard not being able to say goodbye and prepare...
I feel like reality itself has changed... I often forget and then have to remember again, and I'm struggling to comprehend that she's really gone. Everything feels different, strange, sad, and empty. I really don't know how to understand and accept that this happened. It feels too horrible to live with. She was such a huge part of my life. The first being I'd see in the morning and the last I'd say goodnight to. She was so vivacious and a constant presence for 1/3rd of my life. I don't know what to do. I feel guilty when I'm numb and awful when it hits me. I wish more than anything that I could have a do-over of that night... I don't want to have to live in this reality.
Registered: 1546806460 Posts: 91
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Yeah morning and evenings are the most difficult for me right now. Tell yourself your baby wants you to go on and be well. I know its so hard
Registered: 1495973015 Posts: 15
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I too have walked in this same nightmare since May 17, 2017. My precious Hammy who was my fur soul puppy was violently killed by two large dogs. My entire world revolved around this little guy. I shut myself down for almost a year. I have since gotten a rescue dog and a cavalier king charles spaniel. They have not replaced my Hammy in any way and as much as I love these pups, the bond that I still have with my Hammy will never disappear. My daughter dreamed about Hammy a couple of months after the attack and saw him with Jesus. Another dream, he was happy in a meadow with warm sunshine and happy. It will be two years in May since I was able to hold him and love on him. The pain has not gone away for me. I know in my heart he would not want me to be sad. He did not like it when I was sad. I know I will be with him one day and that is what brings me comfort as well as knowing that he will never have pain again. The advise I can give you is to cry when you need to cry and don't let people tell you that it is only a dog. My Hammy became a child to me when I became and emptynester. I still shed tears for him I think you will go thru PTSD as I still do. I get help where I can - counselors and friends. Especially friends who do not dismiss the feelings and think that I should just get over it. I don't think you ever just get over it. You have to walk thru it but lean on the people who will help you walk thru it. Hugs, Forever Hammy's Momma
Registered: 1518159648 Posts: 1,148
Reply with quote #8
I'm so, so sorry for Honey leaving this world in such a violent way. That's a horrible thing for you to have to walk through and my heart goes out to you!
There is no describing the pain. Like you, I walked through very dark, despair feelings from the loss, and for a long while. I still do sometimes, but the intensity has lightened over time. I have felt beyond doubt that grieving and grieving, letting the tears out and expressing the pain as many times as necessary has been important. Seeing someone to help you process your pain sounds like a good idea. My first grief counselor wasn't helpful, but I later found a better fit with someone else. I think it's worth the effort, to spend time with someone who can be compassionate to you while things are so very raw. I hope being here, writing and knowing that people hear and understand will be a help also. Take extra good care of you during these early days. Again, I so hate that this happened to Honey and to you! Wishing you much, much comfort. __________________ Catie -Missing Marissa deeply