I am so sorry for your tragic loss! He is a beautiful dog! (I have a black toy poodle.... they are very loving dogs!)
Reading your story was almost like reading my own thoughts and feelings for my TinkerBelle.... I was so protective over her and didn't even like discussing how old she was because the fear of losing her was too painful to think of.... and then a neighbors dog got out, came into our front yard and killed her within just a few minutes of us walking outside (my dogs went out with us all the time and always stayed very close to us). The guilt is so overwhelming at times! I am grateful I was able to be with her in those last moments and soon I will have her box back (I had her cremated) home with me where she belongs. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks and it still does not seem real.... I just want to wake up and have her back! I did find a quote that has been very comforting to me and maybe it will be to you too.... "How suddenly surprised they are to find themselves on the other side but with a knowing when it instantly happens that this was to be the case and are excited about being back home. They do not have a sense of confusion or alarm or doubt about what has happened. There is a certain knowing instantly at the time of death that they are going home and that this was what was meant to be. They would love to be able to explain this to the loved ones they have left behind so that it would help with the trauma and the shock that families are experiencing."Everyone here has been very supportive and understanding! It has been a great help when I feel others think I should have moved on already and wouldn't understand that a part of me is gone and I am still trying to get used to life without her. The sudden tragic loss is so hard and does not offer any comfort in knowing it was their time.... just time will hopefully offer the comfort we so desire so we can remember all the good times our furbabies gave us! I wish for peace and comfort for you!
I love and miss you TinkerBelle! "Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, she is able to wrap herself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and she ends."