My heart had been ripped from my chest two days ago and I stumbled upon this site out of sheer hope that I could find something to help me cope with the sudden and tragic loss of my beloved dog, Shooter.

I've had Shooter since he was 8-weeks-old, he was a blonde haired Toy Poodle and from the day we met, we've been inseparable. Unfortunately, we would only spend 7-years of those years together, but it was long enough for me to grow a love for him so strong that even the sheer thought of ever losing him made me cringe. He always had to be near me and when I would stand, he would always want me to carry him like a baby...and I would!

The day of the tragic accident was like any normal day. We had just moved to a new house that is located off of a main road and I've always been weary because of the location. Unfortunately, my dogs are roamers when they get outside and I would always worry about if they got out what might happen. So, we educated our children about the responsibilities of keeping doors/gates closed to prevent such accidents. It was Sunday, October 18th and we all got up and headed off to church. It was a gorgeous day and I was ready to enjoy it. We came home and I was sitting in the kitchen with my husband when I heard Shooter begin to throw up. I decided to let him out so he could throw up outside instead of inside. A few minutes later, my daughter, Laurrie came inside and asked where the dogs were. Of course, we responded with "outside." She was very adamit that they weren't in the backyard. We all get up at that point and go outside to the backyard. I began frantically calling fir my dogs. I see Gunner come from the backyard out of no where, so I assumed at that point that Shooter had to be near because him and Gunner don't go anywhere without each other. But, I couldn't find him. My husband ran around to the side of the house to look there and still no luck. We realized at that point that one of the kids left the side gate open. Again, we were all calling his name and still nothing. I was in panic mode, but tried not to go postal. I'm extremely protective of my dogs! As we were standing there, all of a sudden we hear this horrific crying; almost like a child's cry. Both my husband and I took off running for the front of the house. At that point I knew the sound of that cry was coming from my baby...Shooter. I had tunnel vision and just wanted to get to him as fast as I could. I met my husband in the street where I saw my Shooter laying in the road covered in blood and crying frantically. My husband scooped him up and carried him to the front yard. I collapsed and started screaming at the top of my lungs! He was alive but he was in severe shock and pain. My heart broke because deep down inside I knew he wasn't going to make it. My kids were screaming and crying and I was trying so hard to pull myself together, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. We wrapped him in a towel and brought him into our room to discuss our options. Every now and then, Shooter would sit up and walk on his front legs, but then he would collapse and start biting his legs and scream out in pain. I tried comforting him by rubbing his head and kissing him. It seemed to calm him some. He smelled of road burn and tires...the truck that hit him didn't try to prevent the accident; in fact the truck didn't even stop to render aid or nothing...he/she just didn't even care. My dog, my Shooter was nothing more than an inconvenience to that person. We decided to take him to the pet hospital to see if he had a fighting chance, plus there was no way in hell I was going to make him suffer. If he needed to be put down, then I wanted it to happen that peaceful as possible. The entire drive there I cried and cried. I couldn't wrap my head around having to say goodbye. How could I? I didn't want to...I wasn't ready. In the back of my mind I had a glimmer of hope, but I already knew the truth. As we arrived at the clinic, I opened the back hatch and there he was looking at me with those big brown eyes. I could see the pain in his eyes and I began to sob again. They took him in immediately and informed us of the damage. He had a shattered pelvis, internal bleeding, possible back bone break and herniated intestines. They said surgery was possible but that it would cost thousands of dollars and no guarantee that he'd make it or even be the same afterwards. They left us alone in the room and that's when I made the hardest decision of my life to put him down. I didn't want to...I begged God to please wake me up from this nightmare. They brought Shooter in so I could say goodbye. I told him how much I loved him and how much I was going to miss him. I apologize immensely to him and rubbed his eyes. I kissed his sweet face and promised him I'd take good care of his buddy, Gunner. I told him he was a good dog and my best friend and that I'd see him again. I asked for his collar and they took him away, we signed the papers and I layed my head on the table where he once laid and I cried. Driving home was the hardest...not much was said and I dreaded walking through the door to explain to my kids what we had to do.

It's been three days and I've been an emotional roller coaster. The first day, I cried the entire day...yesterday was a little easier, but I still cry. I know in time my heart will heal, but I have this empty gap. I miss his barks, his wet nose, his kisses; even worse, him sleeping with me and sitting with me on the couch. I miss him terribly. My kids seem to be okay and that makes me feel a little better. We've talked about going to a shelter and adopting a new fur baby to give Gunner a play mate. I fear he will get too depressed and I'm hoping it will take my mind off of things.

I can't get the images out of my head and I can still hear his cries. I try to focus on the good times, but I have such guilt. I feel like it's my fault and I hate that I wasn't the last thing/person he saw when he needed me the most. I love my dogs and I would never put them in a situation that would harm them. I'm understanding it was an accident and he shouldn't have strayed from the home. I'm coming to terms slowly but surely.

I love and miss you, Shooter. I look forward to the day of you being in my arms again. Brown eyes, I know you are at peace and overall out of pain. I know deep down inside I made the right choice for you. Please don't forget me and I hope you know just how much I love you...
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I am so sorry for your tragic loss!  He is a beautiful dog!  (I have a black toy poodle.... they are very loving dogs!)

Reading your story was almost like reading my own thoughts and feelings for my TinkerBelle.... I was so protective over her and didn't even like discussing how old she was because the fear of losing her was too painful to think of.... and then a neighbors dog got out, came into our front yard and killed her within just a few minutes of us walking outside (my dogs went out with us all the time and always stayed very close to us).  The guilt is so overwhelming at times!  I am grateful I was able to be with her in those last moments and soon I will have her box back (I had her cremated) home with me where she belongs.  Tomorrow will be 2 weeks and it still does not seem real.... I just want to wake up and have her back!

I did find a quote that has been very comforting to me and maybe it will be to you too...."How suddenly surprised they are to find themselves on the other side but with a knowing when it instantly happens that this was to be the case and are excited about being back home.  They do not have a sense of confusion or alarm or doubt about what has happened.  There is a certain knowing instantly at the time of death that they are going home and that this was what was meant to be.  They would love to be able to explain this to the loved ones they have left behind so that it would help with the trauma and the shock that families are experiencing."

Everyone here has been very supportive and understanding!  It has been a great help when I feel others think I should have moved on already and wouldn't understand that a part of me is gone and I am still trying to get used to life without her.

The sudden tragic loss is so hard and does not offer any comfort in knowing it was their time.... just time will hopefully offer the comfort we so desire so we can remember all the good times our furbabies gave us!

I wish for peace and comfort for you!

I love and miss you TinkerBelle!

"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, she is able to wrap herself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and she ends."
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