Juliecatharine
We had to put my Ruby down Monday. She was only 41/2. I love her so much and she is EVERYWHERE I look. She was my first dog she saved my life, she brought joy to my life and she was just an amazing sweet soul. She got really sick in June and after 6 days in the hospital she bounced back, she was herself again. Then last week it came back. She was hospitalized again and spent her last days hooked up to tubes with strangers. I was with her at the end, there was no choice, putting her down was the only option. My poor baby was so brave, she tried so goddamn hard and she went out gasping and in pain. My poor poor pudding. I want to die. All I want is to have her hogging our bed and demanding pets. I want her stamping her feet in my kitchen when she wants a piece of whatever is leftover from dinner, I want to dry her off when it's raining and sing who wants to be a dry pup-py? to her. I want her to bark at the bunnies in our yard and run to the door when my husband comes home. I want to watch her running free in the park or jumping into the lake only to just plop down and look around smiling. I love her I don't know if I can do this. I'm sorry I'm a disaster right now.
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LisaAndy
I am so sorry to hear about Ruby. What kind of dog was she? Do you have a photo? When you feel you can tell us some more about her, she sounds like a real character. I am so sorry she died so young, how tragic. Hugs to you. 
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CK
Oh I'm so sorry to hear about Ruby - what a pretty dog she was, and such a young dog too - you're heart must be breaking. It has been 3 weeks since we lost our beloved dog and I've had so much support in this forum. I hope your get some comfort here we understand your pain and sorrow xx
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Juliecatharine
This is the only photo I was able to attach, the rest are too big. It was taken at her doggy day care on Cinco de mayo. She was a catahoula lab mix we think. Thank you Lisa. I'm not sure what to say other than she was my pudding. We don't have kids, she is my baby. The first week I had her I felt this overwhelming feeling that if someone tried to hurt her I would kill them. The only other time I felt that was holding my newborn nephew. She was my child, my goofy sweet sweet baby. I work from home, she was my constant companion, she got me up and out of the house when depression creeped in and brought joy and purpose to my life. I work in my local animal shelter one day a week now, she changed my life. I don't want to be here without her. Don't worry I'm not going to do anything I'm just so so so sad.
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Juliecatharine
Thank you CK, thank you guys. I just want to kiss her speckled egg head and pet her velvet ears. I feel broken. It is killing me that she suffered.
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LisaAndy
What a cutie! I can tell how much you loved her. I feel so sad she had such a short life, so so so unfair!
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Juliecatharine
Thank you Lisa. It's so unfair. We don't even know what disease took her from us, the vet thinks it was a bacterial infection because antibiotics knocked it out the first time and they saw bacteria under the microscope but the lab cultures are coming back empty still. I called out of work again today. I can't stop crying. Or rather I can but then ten minutes later it hits me again and I'm sobbing and trying to talk to her. I wish I had faith to get me through this but I don't. I want to believe our babies are safe and happy somewhere waiting for us but with all the suffering in this world it just seems like wishful thinking. I'm a real ray of sunshine right now.
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Juliecatharine
I have to leave the house today and actually drive. I'm terrified of getting in my car. Her hair is all over my dashboard. Everywhere I look she's there but not. A week ago I brought her to the emergency vet and now she's gone. My sweet baby is dead and I can't stand it. I'm going to my doctor to get back on antidepressants, I'm spiraling.
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LisaAndy
Julie, please be careful!
Sorry you are going through this. Glad you are going to see the doctor.  
yes I hope all of our loved ones who passed are waiting for us some day. 

I started reading A dogs purpose. I heard it was sad, but the main theme of the books is when a dog dies he is reincarnated into a new puppy and his sweet spirit helps someone else, so a dog never really dies, just comes back in another form. It's very cute so far.
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LisaAndy
Julie- how are you feeling? Just checking in on you.

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Juliecatharine
Hey Lisa, thank you for reaching out. I really appreciate it. I'm pretty crappy but ok. ❤️ Hope you're hanging in there too.
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shorelinerach
Hi Julie... I just read your posts and am feeling pretty the same way right now.  I Oliver passed away last Monday and I am just dead inside.  I finally did drive and couldn't stand to look at his little seat in the car.  I haven't even washed my sheets because he always slept with me.  I feel by washing them I will lose him even more.  I wanted to reach out and give you a hug and tell you that you aren't alone.
Thanks,
Rachel
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LisaAndy
I am trying to pull myself out of this depression. I hope you are too. It's still not easy at all but I need to get back to trying to live my life. I have been just laying around sad. I miss him so much.
How are you doing now?
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Juliecatharine
Hi Rachel, I'm sorry about your Ollie. It's so hard letting go of any piece of them I completely understand how you feel about the sheets. Maybe try washing the top or bottom sheet and keeping the other one on the bed for now? Baby steps are our friends right now. Thanks for writing. You and Lisa reaching out really helped me feel a little less alone. Hugs to you ❤️
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Juliecatharine
Hi Lisa, I'm glad you're trying to get back in the swing of things. I'm a bit better than I was but still pretty bad. I know it will get better but right now I feel like I'm moving through sludge. Hugs to you. Thank you for checking in with me.
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